Is it a shocker not to compliment a man?
Hey Ray
It's Renee here.
I hope you are having a wonderful day, and if you're not, give yourself a big hug from me
Now, there's something that I wanted to tell you.
For most women, when they get into a relationship, and they want to express their love to a man, they often try to complement and encourage a man, thinking this will show their love to the man and that it would add value to the relationship.
You may have heard me say before that one of the KEY things to inspiring a man to just adore you, fall in love with you and want to protect, care for and commit to you forever is that you have to make him feel like a man first.
And one of the keys to this is bringing out his masculinity!
If you don't know how to bring out his masculinity - not just for YOU, but for HIS sense of happiness, then your relationship will start to become a FRIENDSHIP.
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The more you try to COMPLIMENT a man, the more he's going to view you as just a friend. And the more he's going to pull away.
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So, tune in to what I'm about to teach you, because since we are WOMEN by nature - we fall into the trap of complementing a man without knowing it, and this will start to decrease the level of attraction you have with a man, leading it to become a friendship.
Complimenting a man makes him Pull Away
Have you ever felt your man pulling away, or noticed him looking somewhat upset, and you went to him and tried to comfort him, with COMPLETELY positive intentions, and only to have him seem to shut you out even more?
Well, it's so confusing and FRUSTRATING because you have the BEST intentions, and yet - he's pulling away!
And, why shouldn't he appreciate your efforts when all you're trying to do is be a good person, and show him some love?
Men Don't Actually Place high Value on Compliments from a Woman
So, here is WHY.
Unless what you do helps a man feel more MASCULINE, he doesn't really value it.
And what most women do is they try to compliment a man, or praise him, and they make it worse for him, and worse for themselves.
Now let me get ONE thing straight right here:
I am NOT saying that compliments are worth nothing at all to a man.
After all, if you give a heartfelt compliment that is genuine, most men will enjoy it.
It's just that, compliments are NICE - but they don't build attraction. They build Connection.
Compliments don't make him want to step up and be your hero - and it doesn't make him want to protect you.
Because, when you compliment him, he doesn't feel like he IS your hero.
And most of all - it doesn't increase his feelings of emotional and physical PASSION for you.
I'll tell you why.
Feminine energy grows through compliments. Masculine energy is not stimulated by compliments and praise.
Masculine energy grows through challenge.
So unless you want your man to become more feminine - don't put your focus on COMPLEMENTING him.
How to Bring out a Man's Masculinity and create more Attraction
A man's masculinity and the attraction between you both will not improve through compliments to him.
It'll just make you both more the SAME, and dampen the attraction, because there is no longer the opposite energies (masculine and feminine energies) to cause TENSION and excitement, which are the drivers of attraction in the first place.
Just watch a football game or a boxing match - and see the men get more and more intense (more MASCULINE) when they get booted over or knocked down.
These challenges make men more and more masculine - and whilst you and I may sit there, watching a boxing match, thinking:
"What on earth? This is the most stupid sport there is! What exactly is the point? You just get injured!"
After all, boxers just get brain damage, broken noses....and sometimes they even get their ear bitten off, right?
I wondered that my entire life. Especially when I was a little girl.
I even dreamed of campaigning to get rid of boxing as a sport...even though my best guy friend whom I grew up with is a champion boxer here in Australia and now competes in the sport.
Until I learned a little thing or two about men and their psychology.
That was one of the BIGGEST 'ah-hah' moments of my life. And one that I am most grateful for.
See, to me? Boxing is pointless.
But to some MEN - depending on what vehicles they use to feel more masculine, boxing is exciting, and stimulates the core of who he IS - a masculine man. Because he is being challenged beyond anything.
And that includes physically challenged, mentally challenged - you name it.
So, whilst you and I totally mean well by complimenting - and this is what we'd do to our
friends and our children, complimenting a man will NOT support the ATTRACTION and passion in your relationship.
So, if you compliment a man, he might think it's 'nice', and he might say: 'thanks, that's sweet of you'....but really, he doesn't perceive much value in it in a relationship.
And the worse thing is - 99.9% of men will not be able to articulate to you why compliments make them want to pull away from the relationship or reduce their feelings of attraction for you.
It's like if your man bought you a toolbox for christmas.
How valuable is that to YOU?
It might be nice, but....er, it doesn't make your heart flutter and it doesn't make you want to jump on him in excitement, does it?
Ok....so a tool box might be good for some work around the house - but how does it compare to a trip to Hawaii, a nice warm, hot bath with rose petals in it made just for you, a sensual massage, or a nice dinner at a place you've never been before?
Or maybe even a puppy or a surprise trip somewhere?
The level of excitement and fulfillment just doesn't compare, does it?
See - the more feminine a man is, the more he will appreciate compliments.
In fact, most gay men LOVE compliments. Sometimes even more so than women!
Because women are becoming so masculine in today's society.
But, if you want a strong, masculine man who is THERE for you and protects you and treats you like a queen, and you want him to fall in love with you, and take care of you no matter what - don't compliment him.
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This is what happens when you compliment a Masculine man...
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If you compliment him...
He'll just physically lean back, turn away, literally step back, go silent, or go play golf or do some work.
I have seen so many women make this mistake IN PERSON, or even on live television, it makes me cringe.
Some women might say how gorgeous a man's eyes are, and how 'sexy' he is - And the man almost always just goes quiet, starts acting awkward, or leans away from her, wondering what she's on about!
Never mind! We all make mistakes.
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What you MUST do instead of Complimenting a Man
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So, having said that, what should you do instead?
No, you don't need to go and challenge him.
There's a much better way.
In a relationship, Appreciating a Man build Attraction but Compliments DO NOT!
Instead of complimenting a man, he would prefer it if you indicated that you APPRECIATE him.
So what you need to do is: Give to a man that gift of FEELING more like a man around YOU and build attraction instead.
The more he feels you appreciate him and his results, the more he will begin to feel like a man around you, and the more attraction you will have in your relationship.
This is what he will truly find value in, because it makes him feel like a man.
The more he feels like a man, the more femininity he will bring out in you, and of course, the more ATTRACTION will automatically exist between the both of you!
A strong Feminine Energy Always Attracts a Strong Masculine Energy.
The good news is, it's not hard at all, now you have this understanding of men.
So instead of complimenting a man, you need to make him feel like a man by:
1) Appreciating his RESULTS; and
2) Giving him feminine energy
This isn't about saying 'Thank You!' when he does things for you, although that is a good start.
But if you want to bring out a man's masculinity, and bring him closer to you, more in love with you and more adoring of you, you'll need to show him you appreciate him.
Here are TWO tips for indicating that you appreciate a man.
To make a man feel appreciated, you can take these THREE quick steps:
1) One of my favorite things to do is to rub my man's chest.
And, this seems like such a small thing, but when you rub his chest or place your hand on his chest, he is likely to interpret it as a message of appreciation.
You can do this when you are hugging him, when you're lying in bed with him, or even when you're talking to him heart-to-heart.
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Here is how you know you're getting the 'chest rub' right:
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He will stand up slightly taller, clench his jaw, or step closer to you to give you more of his presence.
If he does any of these things - you've just communicated to him that you appreciate him, and he felt it.
However, if you're just in the dating stages, this may not be a move you want to make yet.
Nonetheless, if you choose to do it, make it heartfelt, and feel his masculinity. Don't just
pat his chest a few times and then walk off without making any eye contact.
2) whenever you feel like complimenting him, instead, look for a result he has gotten in his life.
It could be committing to his job, it could be committing to going to the gym, it could be committing to taking care of his mother or a special friend.
And then express genuine appreciation for it.
Say this:
"hey, I really respect your commitment to [insert good act here]"
This step is a special way of giving your feminine energy because you are open to him by appreciating him.
Most women just focus on the bad in men, and criticize.
However, in my coaching with women, I've learned that in MOST cases - the man has always done more than she consciously believes he has.
She has just not noticed it.
So, he stops, or breaks up with her because he doesn't feel like a man being with her.
Women are just too quick to criticize and to look for reasons why he's done the WRONG thing.
Hey, yes, criticism is in our nature somewhat, because we want to be taken care of. But it's also the lazy option.
For those of you who have joined Attraction Control Monthly and read the issue on how to become a 'High Value, High Status Woman', you would already know that criticizing is also a sign of Low Value to men.
To you it's natural, to men it's a sign of low value.
So go ahead, express your genuine appreciation.
Men need us more than we think. If there's anything I've learned, it's that no matter how
un-emotional and gruff or strong a man seems, he always needs a woman's appreciation
