Date Plans Girls who come home but don't let you escalate

[DarkJedi]

Hi everyone,
Long time lurker, but this is my first post here!

I've had this happen to me twice, once with an Asian girl and once with a girl of Asian origin but born here in the Netherlands. Not sure if there's a correlation.

Normally in my experience, if a girl accepts an invite home, she expects at least some form of escalation, even if it's not full-blown sex.

In both cases, we went for a coffee, then took a walk around the city. There was quite some connection, maybe less of sexual tension (have to work on that). I asked them to come home with me, and in both cases they said yes without hesitation. I was almost surprised since I hadn't felt that they were that attracted, but chalked it up to "reactions vs results".

With the first girl, after talking for a while, I gradually got her closer, hugged her and kissed her. She seemed pretty into it. After we stopped she felt shy and flustered, was blushing as well. Said she wasn't expecting this and wanted to leave. She left and later texted me that it was too fast and she would rather not go for it. That she wasn't used to "dating" like this and only wants something naturally happening between two people. I suppose she's conservative.

The other girl was pretty unusual. I opened a bottle of wine for us. She was very chatty, but would be very resistant to even coming closer, sitting at the farthest corner of my couch. At one point I said "you can come closer, you're sitting on the other side of the planet!" But she said she's fine wherever she was. I couldn't and didn't escalate further, and after sometime she left since it was getting late. I thought maybe this was a conservative girl again, but then I saw her in a club a week later making out with a guy, so I suppose not

I'm wondering if this is common and if there's something I could have done differently. The fact that they said yes to the coming home invite easily confuses me.

 

[HoofHearted]

1. Stop with the wine/alcohol, Pepe LePew.
2. Case #1 sounds like you lack the touch, but info too limited.
2a. Sometimes it's two steps forwards, one step back.
2b. Sometimes they really want to leave, but sometimes they just want to see if you can entice them from leaving. Or if you will chase her in a desperate way. If the latter, it's like a little theatre act, they will give you opportunity to help them stay.
3. I think the wine caused Case #2. She saw you open it and thought you were into making her do things she didn't feel certain she wanted to so. So that's why you should see step 1 again, my best guess from limited info.
4. Maybe the most fundamental mistake here, in my estimate: you trot the horse as fast as it is comfortable going, not as fast as you want it to go. I wouldn't have played with your dick either, you insensitive brute.

 

[TomInHo]

Normally in my experience, if a girl accepts an invite home, she expects at least some form of escalation, even if it's not full-blown sex.

You're not wrong about this but there's a bit more to it. Let me explain....

In both cases, we went for a coffee, then took a walk around the city. There was quite some connection, maybe less of sexual tension (have to work on that). I asked them to come home with me, and in both cases they said yes without hesitation. I was almost surprised since I hadn't felt that they were that attracted, but chalked it up to "reactions vs results".

When I used to do a lot of coffee dates I noticed this too.

The reason why they came home with you was because you built lots of compliance and trust by keeping them on their feet with the walk

It's such a simple trick. But if you bounce girls to multiple locations while keeping up a decent interaction, they are more likely to say "Yes" to your home invite even if they are not aroused

With the first girl, after talking for a while, I gradually got her closer, hugged her and kissed her. She seemed pretty into it. After we stopped she felt shy and flustered, was blushing as well. Said she wasn't expecting this and wanted to leave.

See what I said above

It's may seem confusing, because you are like why would she come home yet say she wasn't expecting anything. And that's because you started your sexual escalation too late

So instead you need to gradually escalate touch before you invite her home to prime her for sex

And example of this would be


- Coffee Shop > No Touch and just banter

- Walk > Getting closer + light social touch at high points

- Location 2 (Like an ice cream store) > Get even closer + more social touch + hints of romantic touch

- Walk > Holding hands or arms embraced around each others hips

- Location 3 (Park Bench) > Deep in personal space + more romantic touch

- Bounce To Crib > Sexual Touch

She left and later texted me that it was too fast and she would rather not go for it. That she wasn't used to "dating" like this and only wants something naturally happening between two people. I suppose she's conservative.

She wasn't conservative. You just did't get her ready to receive you sexually

The other girl was pretty unusual. I opened a bottle of wine for us. She was very chatty, but would be very resistant to even coming closer, sitting at the farthest corner of my couch.

She was nervous

At one point I said "you can come closer, you're sitting on the other side of the planet!" But she said she's fine wherever she was.

Again this happened because of poor escalation prior bouncing home

I couldn't and didn't escalate further, and after sometime she left since it was getting late. I thought maybe this was a conservative girl again, but then I saw her in a club a week later making out with a guy, so I suppose not

The guy escalated properly and didn't try to go 0 - 100 real quick

I'm wondering if this is common and if there's something I could have done differently. The fact that they said yes to the coming home invite easily confuses me.

Yeah this is a common problem. I used to do coffee dates years back and noticed I ran into the same issues as you if I didn't escalate properly

But once I started doing some physically escalation before the bounce while maintaining tension my results went through the roof

It's such a simple change so give it a try on your next dates

 

[DarkJedi]

1. Stop with the wine/alcohol, Pepe LePew.
2. Case #1 sounds like you lack the touch, but info too limited.
2a. Sometimes it's two steps forwards, one step back.
2b. Sometimes they really want to leave, but sometimes they just want to see if you can entice them from leaving. Or if you will chase her in a desperate way. If the latter, it's like a little theatre act, they will give you opportunity to help them stay.
3. I think the wine caused Case #2. She saw you open it and thought you were into making her do things she didn't feel certain she wanted to so. So that's why you should see step 1 again, my best guess from limited info.
4. Maybe the most fundamental mistake here, in my estimate: you trot the horse as fast as it is comfortable going, not as fast as you want it to go. I wouldn't have played with your dick either, you insensitive brute.

Yes, I guess I have to improve my physical escalation game.

What has worked for me in the past was mostly verbal escalation: lots of push-pull, chase framing, etc. Then the girl is very attracted and I didn't have to baby-step the physical escalation that much. But I notice I can't pull off this type of verbal escalation with some types of girls.

In my defense, girl #1 claimed she is a semi-pro wine taster. I had to bring out the wine

 

[DarkJedi]

@TomInHo Lots of insights, thanks!

The reason why they came home with you was because you built lots of compliance and trust by keeping them on their feet with the walk

It's such a simple trick. But if you bounce girls to multiple locations while keeping up a decent interaction, they are more likely to say "Yes" to your home invite even if they are not aroused

Interesting, makes sense! Also from the other side, isn't compliance also a sign of attraction? I've seen it mentioned several times in GC to move girls as soon as possible, both to move the interaction forward and also to test if they are really interested.

The daytime coffee date and inviting home is a new thing I'm trying. Definitely some things to adapt to! I also find it harder to make things sexual with the daytime vibe. Everything feels more seductive when the sun's down.

- Coffee Shop > No Touch and just banter

- Walk > Getting closer + light social touch at high points

- Location 2 (Like an ice cream store) > Get even closer + more social touch + hints of romantic touch

- Walk > Holding hands or arms embraced around each others hips

- Location 3 (Park Bench) > Deep in personal space + more romantic touch

- Bounce To Crib > Sexual Touch

Good template. Will keep this is mind next time.

She was nervous

Again this happened because of poor escalation prior bouncing home

In your experience, is there a way to recover from this? If you managed to bring someone back home without much arousal already?

I used to do coffee dates years back and noticed I ran into the same issues as you if I didn't escalate properly

Just curious, what is you go-to method these days?

 

[Skills]

Also going to add when you bring thrm home act neutral vs escalate with girls like this to let them relax a bit... offer bathroom or drink and dont try to seduce for 5 to 10 minutes... no all women some i escalate right away as they walk in, the ones that u can feel in body language stress..

 

[DarkJedi]

Also going to add when you bring thrm home act neutral vs escalate with girls like this to let them relax a bit... offer bathroom or drink and dont try to seduce for 5 to 10 minutes... no all women some i escalate right away as they walk in, the ones that u can feel in body language stress..

Thanks. I wasn't quick with the escalation actually. This was more than half an hour since she came in, maybe even an hour. In fact I have a tendency to be too careful with these things. I plan to experiment with quicker escalations at some point when I get the basics on point.

 

[Skills]

Thanks. I wasn't quick with the escalation actually. This was more than half an hour since she came in, maybe even an hour. In fact I have a tendency to be too careful with these things. I plan to experiment with quicker escalations at some point when I get the basics on point.

that is bad as well ^ taking too long more than lets 10 min. max 15 no good, shows lack of confidence and leading that is unattractive...

 

[Jan]

Also going to add when you bring thrm home act neutral vs escalate with girls like this to let them relax a bit... offer bathroom or drink and dont try to seduce for 5 to 10 minutes... no all women some i escalate right away as they walk in, the ones that u can feel in body language stress..

@Skills How do you recognize when a girl wants to be immediately taken upon entering your crib, and when she needs comfort time (sitting down, having a drink, going to bathroom)?

 

[Skills]

@Skills How do you recognize when a girl wants to be immediately taken personally upon entering your crib, and when she needs comfort time (sitting down, having a drink, going to bathroom)?

You don't you assume the close just follow the steps...