Hello all, I would like to share a rather unpleasant experience with you all. My girlfriend who I have almost been with for 6 months had a birthday yesterday. When we first started dating she would often complain about receiving toll tickets in the mail because she didn't have one of those plastic toll pass things you put on your windshield. I am a nearly broke unemployed university student so I had no choice but to be frugal about my selection in gift giving. So I (as I learned, not the best idea) decided to get her the plastic toll pass thing. Little did I know she already had one. So i give her it in a shopping bag (this was made in a hurry because my schoolwork eats up alot of my time). I was all smiles until she pulled it out and says "oh....I already have one of these." I'm pretty sure by then I was red as a beet. Then she went on this whole schpeal about that not being a gift and then went as far as to ask me why I didn't give her a greeting card, gift card, or jewelry like a normal person. One half of me felt ashamed of myself and the other half of me felt unappreciated. This girl is very feminine and high maintenance which is not a category I was used to dating when I first got with her. I made it work all these months. But to make matters worse she refuses to let me make it up to her. Now I have read on here that more often than not women don't mean what they say but she gave me a solemn warning that getting her something the day after would make things worse. I don't know what to do at this point. Should I believe her and do nothing and not screw up again? Or should I defy her and get her something small like the gift card inside a greeting card along with a long well thought-out note. Has anyone been in these shitty circumstances? What would you do if you were in my shoes? I think this would make a good topic for one of the writers to touch up on since I'm sure many readers on here such as myself don't have the best taste in gift giving (I went a long time single, so this hasn't been a concern until now). What do you think?
giving your girlfriend a birthday gift
- Thread starter Andres
- Start date
do nothing.
ignore anything she says. don't get her another gift. don't try to 'make it up to her'.
seriously.
if you wanted to give her a gift but you're broke you should have made something or put some thought into it. best gifts i ever gave to people i paid nothing for, and the most meaningful gifts i ever received cost nothing or very little.
but save that for next time. if there is a next time. if she deserves something that you put time and effort into.
don't worry about her being 'high maintenance'. let some other guy buy her shit. you just concentrate on giving her what she really wants.
she 'refuses to let you make it up to her'? tell her: 'you don't like it? give it back i'll give it to someone who'll appreciate it'
'she gave you a solemn warning'？！？ she's wearing the pants here man and she knows it. you gotta man up. do not, i repeat, do not give her another gift. especially a card with a long well thought out note. that will end badly for you. do not, i repeat, do not, apologize for being too broke to get her something nice.
if it were me i would take the gift back off her and then rewrap it and give it to her for christmas. see how she likes that.
i would go as far as to say dump her. tell her you didn't realize what an ingrate she was and you're really not interested in continuing the relationship. watch as she comes scurrying back.
my words sound quite extreme when i read them back but i'm not known for beating around the bush
ignore anything she says. don't get her another gift. don't try to 'make it up to her'.
seriously.
if you wanted to give her a gift but you're broke you should have made something or put some thought into it. best gifts i ever gave to people i paid nothing for, and the most meaningful gifts i ever received cost nothing or very little.
but save that for next time. if there is a next time. if she deserves something that you put time and effort into.
don't worry about her being 'high maintenance'. let some other guy buy her shit. you just concentrate on giving her what she really wants.
she 'refuses to let you make it up to her'? tell her: 'you don't like it? give it back i'll give it to someone who'll appreciate it'
'she gave you a solemn warning'？！？ she's wearing the pants here man and she knows it. you gotta man up. do not, i repeat, do not give her another gift. especially a card with a long well thought out note. that will end badly for you. do not, i repeat, do not, apologize for being too broke to get her something nice.
if it were me i would take the gift back off her and then rewrap it and give it to her for christmas. see how she likes that.
i would go as far as to say dump her. tell her you didn't realize what an ingrate she was and you're really not interested in continuing the relationship. watch as she comes scurrying back.
my words sound quite extreme when i read them back but i'm not known for beating around the bush
EDIT: Moved this topic to the "Relationships" board.
Andres,
As far as where to go from here, lao actually gave you some decent advice. You should do absolutely nothing. She should appreciate the fact that you even remembered her birthday and tried to do something nice for her, especially since money is tight for you these days. If she keeps giving you shit about it, then lao has some pretty good advice:
Don't go too far with this though. I wouldn't re-wrap it and give it to her for Christmas unless you really want to light a fire under your relationship. Instead of trying to "make up" for this mistake, I would just try to get her something else next time (that fits within your budget) that she should appreciate.
With that being said though, you should have nipped this in the bud right on the spot. This is how the conversation should have gone:
You need to fight fire with lava. Let her know that her inconsideration will not be accepted when you are her man because you don't let women disrespect you that way. If you learn to start handling your arguments this way, then you'll often find that women will calm down and apologize sometime within the next ~24-48 hours because they know you aren't kidding. And that type of respect is what keeps your relationship alive and keeps her attraction for you high.
Hope this helps.
- Franco
Andres,
As far as where to go from here, lao actually gave you some decent advice. You should do absolutely nothing. She should appreciate the fact that you even remembered her birthday and tried to do something nice for her, especially since money is tight for you these days. If she keeps giving you shit about it, then lao has some pretty good advice:
lao che said:
Don't go too far with this though. I wouldn't re-wrap it and give it to her for Christmas unless you really want to light a fire under your relationship. Instead of trying to "make up" for this mistake, I would just try to get her something else next time (that fits within your budget) that she should appreciate.
With that being said though, you should have nipped this in the bud right on the spot. This is how the conversation should have gone:
You need to fight fire with lava. Let her know that her inconsideration will not be accepted when you are her man because you don't let women disrespect you that way. If you learn to start handling your arguments this way, then you'll often find that women will calm down and apologize sometime within the next ~24-48 hours because they know you aren't kidding. And that type of respect is what keeps your relationship alive and keeps her attraction for you high.
Hope this helps.
- Franco
The advice helps. Thank you so much guys. We make 6 months in a couple weeks and Xmas is right around the corner so for sure if she hasn't gotten rid of me by then I have plenty more opportunities. Now usually I wear the pants in the relationship and she has almost always bent to my will but I can humbly admit she got the best of me that time. To this day I have never screamed at her. Every time she has gotten upset with me and started giving me shit for whatever reason I would always remain calm (using techniques I learned here) and tell her things like it is (I guess patronize her sort of). She usually got over it by the next day. So I will choose to do nothing then.
i'd like to add, the way you give a gift to your girl is also important.
you should not make a big deal out of it, present her with said gift, wait expectantly while she opens it, watch for her response, be so happy that she likes it! or disappointed that she doesn't...
you should make it low-key, say "oh, hey i got this for you" hand it to her then just turn away or go back to whatever you were doing or talking about.
you should not make a big deal out of it, present her with said gift, wait expectantly while she opens it, watch for her response, be so happy that she likes it! or disappointed that she doesn't...
you should make it low-key, say "oh, hey i got this for you" hand it to her then just turn away or go back to whatever you were doing or talking about.