Going out alone

[Estate]

I thought it would be fun to start a topic discussing going out alone.

What are guys thoughts, tips, tactics, game plan going out alone.
I know Chase had an article on this a while back and it had some good advice. To some extent it puts you out of your comfort zone and forces you to interact which can only be good for longterm benefits.

The drawbacks I find are these:
- The mythical "state" is always difficult. Going out alone makes me a lot more chilled, I'm less likely to be very doing anything over the top. I find this to limit my options though.
I don't have a problem with state really anymore, I'm just more chiiled out and I'm ok with that. You have to appear comfortable and not figety or embarrassed being alone. Like this, I've never had anyone even draw attention to the fact I was alone, but the fact that I am makes it more difficult to hook any girls who are bouncing around, dancing, chatting with their girls... I feel like I'm trying to get them to calm down and chill to talk to me and it's just not in line with what they are doing.

The "chilled out" approach of playing it cool, not really dancing about like a monkey works in the sense that I can hook girls who are also like this, not bouncing around going crazy. But it limits my overall interactions.
For example, last night there was the most incredible blonde at the bar but she was just bouncing around like there was no tomorrow. I couldn't really figure out how to hook her or approach the situation. This one stuck out for me.
To get her to stop, chat at the bar and really hook her in to not want to leave again I'd need superb game, like, be SO interesting she just couldn't leave... but I find this difficult to draw someone in some incredibly in the first minute or two of an interaction.

Thoughts?

 

[Franco]

Estate,

In general, you'll probably just want to avoid the highest energy girls at the bar. They are most likely the ones who are there just to have a good time, and they are probably just stopping by the bar to "keep the buzz going."

You can attempt to approach these girls and make conversation, but you'll find that most of these girls are in less of a mood to have a "deep-dive" style conversation and sit down. Your best bet, should you choose to approach, is to up your energy level "slightly," and tone down the sexiness level just a tad. For example, instead of having bedroom eyes and a closed smile, you can approach with bedroom eyes and a teeth-showing smile to show that you are enjoying her level of energy.

One way of thinking of it is that her energy level is much higher than yours -- out of reach, so to speak. So in order to "grab" her, you have to raise your energy level to somewhere that's closer to hers, really get her attention, and then slowly bring her down a bit to a level where she stops "bouncing around" and actually begins to converse with you. You'll need to move girls like this quickly though because you can't keep them at a "lower" energy state for too long before they realize that they could be having "more fun" again.

I'd say that this is a pretty advanced technique, however. You need to be able to calibrate your state on the fly, and this is something that most beginners (and even intermediates) have trouble with doing. Most guys are either high energy or low energy.

Feel free to experiment, however. =)

- Franco

 

[Estate]

Franco,
Thanks but this is where I'm confused a little.

Quite a lot of girls are like this at night. Quite often the attractive girls will be the social butterfly as she knows a lot of people and gets attention becuase she IS attractive.
Are we saying to just ignore those girls? We'll never get those?

While I agree, it can be more difficult, how often do you really find really attractive girls who are low energy, sitting alone waiting for that sexy stranger to approach her? In an ideal world and movies, they would be everywhere but it's not the reality. The other girls may be more difficult to get but isn't that the point of why we are here? To get those girls?

 

[Franco]

Quite a lot of girls are like this at night. Quite often the attractive girls will be the social butterfly as she knows a lot of people and gets attention becuase she IS attractive.
Are we saying to just ignore those girls? We'll never get those?

It really depends on where you go. I know different guys have different strategies -- including Chase and myself. As far as I know, Chase prefers to go to "lower energy" places (such as lounges or dimmed bars) where there is less competition with men. However, there are only usually a few really attractive girls at these places, but if you're the sexiest man in there, it shouldn't be hard to get a number or pull one of them.

My style is very different. I always go to high-energy nightclubs; I love to surround myself with beautiful women, but many of them are usually high energy like you've mentioned, and the competition is fierce because you'll be competing against other naturals. But from my experience, if you stay near the bar, there are plenty of very attractive women there who are enjoying themselves, but aren't bouncing around like social butterflies. The kinds you are speaking of are the "club queens" that Chase talks about, and yes, in general, they are extremely hard to pull unless you know exactly what you are doing. If you want to pull these kinds of women with relative consistency, then social proofing is usually your best way to go. Get to know the bartenders, the bouncers, the hostesses, etc. You basically need to play her game and be the "king" of the club.

If you've been going to a high-energy bar or club where there aren't very many attractive women, then you might want to consider checking out other places. In general, it's harder to pull women at higher energy places, so there should be lots of attractive women to choose from to give you plenty of chances over the course of the night. If there isn't, then you might want to find another high energy place, OR find a lower energy place where the most attractive women are more receptive and the competition isn't as intense.

The other girls may be more difficult to get but isn't that the point of why we are here? To get those girls?

Yes. But as I stated above, you need to be practical about what you're trying to accomplish. If you don't feel like you're at the level where you can easily pull attractive women consistently, then you're going to disappoint yourself every time you go to one of these bars or clubs, try to approach a high energy girl, and then quickly watch her bounce away.

Remember, this site tries to give practical advice as well.

- Franco

 

[Estate]

Thanks Franco,
Yes, what you just said makes it much clearer now.

I think you hit on a few things which I have been questioning.
For example, It's sometimes hard to tell where I am... like am I still a beginner or am I quite advanced.

The reason being, I went to a bar last night that I described, it essentially turned into a low quality club in the back after 11. I was there because I was doing something in the area up to 10pm and decided to hang around instead of going across town. I felt I struck out since the "chilled out sexy guy" thing just wasn't working here. There were a few incredible girls there though, and they were hooking up with the usual "bro" type. I felt out of sorts... the selection of guys for these girls wasn't awesome, I should be well able to hook one of these girls if these guys could, but they were rolling with big groups and just doing the dancing monkey routine which the girls were just into...
Rolling solo I find that difficult to match, I'm not even sure you really can.

As opposed to that. I think back 2 weeks ago and I was at a different type of bar and it felt good. It was like I wasn't even "trying". I just went into social mode, talked to everyone and the amount of girls that were engaging was amazing.
I was actually having such a good time I was hardly even thinking about "gaming", it just all shone through. Infact I took a really nice looking girl home that night and it was probably one of the easiest "pickups" ever, basically because I didn't even try to pick her up initially, I was just engaging her and her friends and she obviously dug it... I didn't consciously make a move on her until she mad it very obvious she was into me and it was getting later in the night.

But I think you answered some of my questions... venue and the energy of the people around me was quite different and it lead to widely varying degrees of success for me.

For some reason I always wanted to do well with "club" game. When I was in college, we'd go to clubs a lot but I never really understood the scene.
Since getting into this something fascinates me about wanting to just be that guy who the "club queen" as you call her, wants to know who I am... but you are also right. The game changes... going solo and being low energy isn't quite the right strategy.

I do like lounges these days. Most of the late night places in Boston, even lounges turn into small mini-nightclubs after 10... I need to strategize a little more where I plan on spending my night instead of trying random places and expecting the same results.

 

[Scofield]

Going out alone can be really daunting at first. It definitely was for me. It's also much harder to do well with girls at night. I was very hesitant to go out at first and only started doing so when I felt like I had a good grip on day game. Once I realized I could do it sober, it became even easier to do it a little tipsy. But there are also a lot of contrasts, ie you CANNOT be boring at night whereas you can get away with it a bit during the day. You also have to move much much faster.

Once I started going out alone, it was difficult at first. The first thing I did was get a layout of all the best places to be/best places to pickup girls. There is a difference since a lot of "hot" places are well liked, especially by girls, because they are a great place to dance....but not necessarily a great place to pickup girls. I find that places with lounges are the best, somewhere quite you can move a girl to.

Once I started going out and knowing where to go, I made it a point to meet the staff. There MANY benefits to this. First, the staff can get you on guestlists to avoid expensive cover charges. Second, it gives you "go to" people when you go out, to get you started and conversational. Third, it creates an aura of being a VIP. I made it a point to meet all of the barmaids at clubs. These girls are usually gorgeous and dressed to kill. If a girl sees a gorgeous girl like that literally stop her job to chat with you and give you a hug, she will be much more willing to talk to you, since you have created value for yourself. Same goes for bartenders, bouncers, etc.

Make sure to meet a lot of people, there are some people that go out literally every night, I like to call them the "party crowd". They might be promoters or just really hard partyers or whatever else. These also give you "go to" people to talk to as well as creating value. Who knows, they might even introduce you to girls or invite you to afterparties.

Now, of course, the main part, be sure to talk to a TON of girls. For me, a solid night is when I talk to at least 20 girls. About 10 of the girls well blow me off in the first minute or 2. If you talk to the other 10 girls about 10 minutes each, that adds up to 1 hr 40 min, add in the 20 minutes for the instant blowouts and the rest of the night of talking to staff/regulars, using the bathroom, walking around, buying drinks etc and I guarantee you will keep busy and not be bored.

As for actually physically being alone...don't sweat it. Everyone is drunk, no one notices it. How often do you see someone alone at a club and think "what a loser" or "is that guy really just by himself?". And of course, you'll quell those questions further if people see you talking to others/staff. And of course, there is no shame in being alone. If anyone asks, you can say your friends left, you got separated, wanted to mingle or just go for the truth. I often say "you know, I had a really rough week and just really needed a drink" and then girls would usually ask why my week was so rough and then I can tell them about my impressive career. No girl has ever thought it was weird for me to be alone, several have told me that they admired/respected it. And once you start meeting more people in staff/regulars you wouldn't even feel alone. I was very lucky in that I was able to meet a lot of PUA from a local group, so I often spot them when I'm out and about as well. I'm sure there's a group of them where you are too!

I honestly go out alone about 95% of the time now and really do prefer it. Let me know if you have any further questions.