- Joined
- Jul 31, 2023
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- 418
I try to post field reports that go a bit further generally but I wanted to take a note of this one because I believe it perfectly encapsulates my experience with women that may initially be intrigued by me but then it goes nowhere.
I was returning from a bachata class, early afternoon in a sunny day, when I saw a cool looking girl with a pretty sexy walk passing in the distance. She went to a local canteen to grab food, and I waited at the tram station opposite to it.
As she came out, I kinda walked a bit and pretended I just saw her telling her I really love her whole vibe, and if that’s her everyday style. Now this girl that red hair with pigtails, had a pair of glasses painted around her eyes, below her sunglasses, had lipstick only in the center of her lips ( imagine geisha style ) , a top with full back out, a skirt and open sandals. For a moment I was trying to understand really what her vibe is, because she looked borderline weird up close, which is why asked the question.
She said yes, and asked me right back if I dress like that daily, and she likes my mokassins, to which I responded yes I do. I asked where she is from and she told me the combination ( russian-swiss ), to which I told her teasingly that she has the feminine energy of the one part and the organisation of the other. I asked her what is her general vibe, and she told me she is doing performances as an artist. I asked details and she said she is doing all kinds, dancing, visual, drawing, so I said that she is deeply artistic then and I love it.
She asked me back what I do and I said I am not a professional artist, but I do acting dancing, and I really enjoy it. She told me she loves it too, I asked her what she loves about it and she told me the connection with the body and how she can express herself, and I said that yes all this ability to get in touch with your body and also connect with yourself and others is amazing.
She asked then if I Iike going to dance by myself or with others. I said that I do dance with others when I do things like bachata, but also enjoy going by myself, I enjoy the freedom and letting go and enjoying the moment.
I asked what she is doing now, she told me that she had done some performances these last days and has an exhibition in some space now and she has to go check it and put a new chip in some projector machine. She also asked what I am up to, I said I left the dance class and I am now free, and this exhibition thing she has sounds interesting and I would like to check it. The place was close, the tram came so I just said ok then let’s go see it and we went in and sat together.
In general my approach is when there is not enough time to escalate with someone in private, to not go to instadates. But for some reason here I felt that she is a free spirited artist and we may even end up having a same day lay at her exhibition space. Not sure if being so optimistic was the best thing though eventually.
Anyway in the tram she also asked me where I am from and I told her: “from there”, pointing towards her. So she said: “From my heart?”, and I said :”I could be from there as well but I mean your food”. She had a traditional food from my area. She, immediately after that, said by that she was telling her friend she would never date guys from my country.
I asked her what her experiences are, and she said she had a coworker that was always doing coke and was weird, and I told her yeah we are all coke addicts in my country, to which she said jokingly if that white thing in her food is coke. I told her yeah now she will get add addicted to it and only want guys from my country.
I asked if that were all her experiences with guys from my area, she said she remembered another one, an old gentleman like her grandfather who came and told her she loves her style, invited her to his business trip to India and tried to get her out sometimes. I asked if she went and she said no so I jokingly said she should have, and that it’s fine because now she will forget all these experiences with me, because this will be the worst one.
During all that we arrived at a huge building where she told me there are many exhibitions and she has her own space somewhere, she also said I can just follow her and she’ll show the way. That’s when I believe things started going downhill, because I did end up following her around quite a bit.
As we were going to her space she asked if I am artistic, to which I answered pretty much, and that my mother is an artist ( true story ), she asked what she is doing exactly and whether she is back in my country and I told her. Then she asked if I have a specific religion, I said yes but it’s mostly for tradition, and I asked if she is religious , and she asked what I think.
I told her that most artists I meet are pretty open minded and not very religious and she said that why do I assume that open minded people cannot be religious and most artists she knows are spiritual. I told her that spirituality is different and I agree that we all have parts of spirituality and it’s important to get in touch with it as well.
During this time we had arrived at her exhibition space and she said she had to go grab a chair and fix some stuff and I can wait there. I said I don’t mind joining and walking for a bit. I didn’t want to just stay there waiting, felt it was going to be strange and she would be moving around and we would have no opportunity to connect, but in the end I ended up following her more. We went grabbed the chair, we brought it back, she told me that there was something up at the ceiling to catch, she was pretty short, so I went up at the chair but couldn’t reach it either, so she said she knew where a ladder is and we went to take that.
During this walk we ended up talking about relationships a bit. Don’t remember how exactly it started but she told me she is pretty much a loner and has been burnt a lot by people and she needs a lot of trust to open up. I told her I agree and that trust is very important, and you have to be able to really connect with someone to open up.
She asked me if I have had relationships, I said yes but nothing too serious, I like being free, exploring and enjoying my life. So she asked what I mean free, and I told her I don’t mind a relationship, but I want to do it if I really feel it, if I am to dedicate my life to one person. So she said: “Compromise?”, and I told her that no, I don’t see it as a compromise but as exercising my freedom by being in this relationship by my choice when the time comes. And then she said: “Have you considered polyamory?” To which I responded: “Yes, and I feel it would be better for me right now, as I really believe that when there is clear communication and you value the people in your life and care for them, it is the most important thing”.
As we were going back to her exhibition space, she asked my age, I had her guess, and she was exactly right( 27 ) I told her spot on. I asked hers, she said 22, and then immediately: “ No I’m lying 44”. And I said:”Oh that is totally true, ok then, you can be my… how it’s called?… sugar mamma!” Then she said no, she has no sugar to give me, only salt, and I said: “Ok then you can be my salty mamma”. And I asked her what is salty about her. She said she just likes salty food, and I said alright I was expecting something more interesting, spiritual or sexual, to which she responded, she could probably make a connection like that as well, but anyway.
By that time we went back to her her exhibition space with the ladder, she was caring it so I did ask if she needed any help with it or with reaching the ceiling still, since she was pretty short as I said, but she told me it’s fine and she can make it.
She went up found the thing she was looking for and was fixing it and then she told me she will just be very busy now and cannot hang put with me anymore. Suddenly the visual projection started working so she explained to me briefly what was shown, about some hippies she lived with for a while in Turkey, and started gathering her things.
I had left my bag there together with hers while we were going around, and as I was taking it as well I asked her what she is up to now. She said she has to go do and organise some things in the other floor, so I said: “Alright, do you have whats app?”
She said she does, but she doesn’t feel she would like to connect more with me, although she really appreciates I approached her. I asked why she feels that, and she said she doesn’t really know, and asked me what I feel. I told her I love her energy, and don’t really know about her but would be interested in connecting more. She basically said that she doesn’t feel it again, and we started walking towards the exit. I thanked her for inviting me to her exhibition, she said there are many others exhibitions around, but I said no I mean you took me to your private space and I connected with the artist, that is unique, and she agreed. Then we parted ways.
All in all I feel I wouldn’t go there if I had the choice again, probably would have asked her out some other time to not have all the following around. That said, I don’t believe I could have worked it out better even during the date, there is something about my vibe or the things I say and the frames I set that just seem to turn things around even if there is some interest initially.
And it’s not that I am perfect at getting initial interest, my fundamentals can use a lot of work, but at least when I get that I want to be taking it somewhere. Because I end up feeling worse when there is a girl that does like me by in the end nothing happens, as it feels that the problem is clearly that she gets to know me and loses interest after I convey myself.
I would also like to understand how I can express myself when talking about realtionships. I have never had any relationship, not even more than two dates, so I don’t know what to say when I am asked about it to look high value without being caught lying. I was trying to say I haven’t felt a special enough connection yet but it feels a bit weird at my age I think. And also when it comes to me wanting a relationship or liking polyamory I am not even sure how to express it to be attainable and attractive at the same time. Because I do enjoy being single and meeting people, but wouldn’t mind getting into a relationship with someone I felt special for me ( my relationships standards are pretty high though so I wouldn’t say that getting someone like that right now would be very probable, I feel I have to improve myself quite a bit first to manage that ).
As always, all comments and insights are highly appreciated.
PS One more approach I did as a bonus, after exiting the building. I went to the tram station, saw a girl sitting there waiting, passed by her stopped like I just noticed her and told her she looks lovely, she thank me smiling, I asked if she is single, she said yes, but not looking for a relationship, to which I responded that yes, I wasn’t planning to get her in a relationship right now. She asked back if I am single, and I said yeah, depends a bit how you define it.
I then asked if I may sit with her for a bit, she said sure and I sat there. We exchanged names, I asked her if she is from the area, she said yeah and asked me mine, I had her guess, she said something like russian, ukrainian, I said no, she asked my name again, I gave it and she said Serbian to which I said you are getting there but not really, and I gave her my country.
She said she was there some weeks ago for vacation, and I asked if she was there for the historical sightseeing of for the good weather and the beaches. She said she went to some specific area which she enjoyed quite a lot.
She wasn’t contributing much back, but I could sense that she wasn’t completely uninterested, at some point she went in to ask me something but I basically interrupted her without wanting, as I had decided to ask her something else myself. The thing is I know I have to take it slow, and not rush the interaction, but when the tram comes in 2 minutes, and you know you don’t have much time to connect, I sometimes feel I rush so as not to lose the chance and it being awkward to ask her for a number when she has to get up and go.
I asked her what she is doing generally, she said she is studying a lot lately, going back home now to rest, I said that yeah I know it is a difficult period ( they have exams now ). And I asked her how she enjoys spending her time, sports, partying, chilling with friends, and she said she is really mostly studying now.
Shortly after the tram came she stood up, I wasn’t taking it but decided to get in anyway, she asked if I take that and I said yes. We sat together and immediately before I even tried to connect a bit more or try to make some transition towards her life, and having her tell me something I could use to qualify and ask for a number, she realised she took the wrong tram and in less than a minute she went down at the next station.
I went down with her and she asked if I won’t continue, I told her I can walk from here. Then she said ok it was nice meeting you. Before she left I asked her if she had whatsapp, just because I still wanted to try and close after this mess this approach was.
She told me it’s fine she doesn’t feel like connecting more. I asked why she feels that ( by the way this is something I started used a bit from the UNDER article about a technique to overcome objections, but probably it is too early in such scenarios to make it effective ). She said it’s not about me, she appreciated the approached but she is very busy these days. I said I am also busy, but I can find some time for the right connection, she still said she is not interested but she was staying there so I just opened my whatsapp at the page where you save the number, I extended my hand and showed it to her without saying anything.
This is another thing I have been trying a bit, it did work with a girl yesterday, but can’t say I see a big consistency. So I stayed there not moving just my hand extended, looking at her with eyes being like yeah, I know you want it. She said she is not interested once again but still stayed there, I kept the same pose looking at her, at some point she told me this is creepy, still did nothing, then she said: “You don’t care?” I said: “I do, and you are free to go, as long as you are staying around I will keep inviting you out”.
She again said she doesn’t want to. without leaving while I kept my hand extended and looking at her ( I think I did look at her eyes for quite a while and it was pretty intense but I was experimenting with that as well, maybe breaking some eye contact would help? especially if she also breaks it at some point ). Then she asked my name, and I told her it doesn’t matter, since she we were not gonna meet again, keeping my hand extended. And she asked again my name and I told her: “Put your number in and I will text you my name”
At that point she made an expression of small frustation and slight amusement, I think she did enjoy at least a bit the fact I didn’t give my name and told her that. But she did say no again, so I told her she is free to go, and eventually she did and told me: “ Have a nice day human”, and I told her to enjoy her day as I went my way.
I was returning from a bachata class, early afternoon in a sunny day, when I saw a cool looking girl with a pretty sexy walk passing in the distance. She went to a local canteen to grab food, and I waited at the tram station opposite to it.
As she came out, I kinda walked a bit and pretended I just saw her telling her I really love her whole vibe, and if that’s her everyday style. Now this girl that red hair with pigtails, had a pair of glasses painted around her eyes, below her sunglasses, had lipstick only in the center of her lips ( imagine geisha style ) , a top with full back out, a skirt and open sandals. For a moment I was trying to understand really what her vibe is, because she looked borderline weird up close, which is why asked the question.
She said yes, and asked me right back if I dress like that daily, and she likes my mokassins, to which I responded yes I do. I asked where she is from and she told me the combination ( russian-swiss ), to which I told her teasingly that she has the feminine energy of the one part and the organisation of the other. I asked her what is her general vibe, and she told me she is doing performances as an artist. I asked details and she said she is doing all kinds, dancing, visual, drawing, so I said that she is deeply artistic then and I love it.
She asked me back what I do and I said I am not a professional artist, but I do acting dancing, and I really enjoy it. She told me she loves it too, I asked her what she loves about it and she told me the connection with the body and how she can express herself, and I said that yes all this ability to get in touch with your body and also connect with yourself and others is amazing.
She asked then if I Iike going to dance by myself or with others. I said that I do dance with others when I do things like bachata, but also enjoy going by myself, I enjoy the freedom and letting go and enjoying the moment.
I asked what she is doing now, she told me that she had done some performances these last days and has an exhibition in some space now and she has to go check it and put a new chip in some projector machine. She also asked what I am up to, I said I left the dance class and I am now free, and this exhibition thing she has sounds interesting and I would like to check it. The place was close, the tram came so I just said ok then let’s go see it and we went in and sat together.
In general my approach is when there is not enough time to escalate with someone in private, to not go to instadates. But for some reason here I felt that she is a free spirited artist and we may even end up having a same day lay at her exhibition space. Not sure if being so optimistic was the best thing though eventually.
Anyway in the tram she also asked me where I am from and I told her: “from there”, pointing towards her. So she said: “From my heart?”, and I said :”I could be from there as well but I mean your food”. She had a traditional food from my area. She, immediately after that, said by that she was telling her friend she would never date guys from my country.
I asked her what her experiences are, and she said she had a coworker that was always doing coke and was weird, and I told her yeah we are all coke addicts in my country, to which she said jokingly if that white thing in her food is coke. I told her yeah now she will get add addicted to it and only want guys from my country.
I asked if that were all her experiences with guys from my area, she said she remembered another one, an old gentleman like her grandfather who came and told her she loves her style, invited her to his business trip to India and tried to get her out sometimes. I asked if she went and she said no so I jokingly said she should have, and that it’s fine because now she will forget all these experiences with me, because this will be the worst one.
During all that we arrived at a huge building where she told me there are many exhibitions and she has her own space somewhere, she also said I can just follow her and she’ll show the way. That’s when I believe things started going downhill, because I did end up following her around quite a bit.
As we were going to her space she asked if I am artistic, to which I answered pretty much, and that my mother is an artist ( true story ), she asked what she is doing exactly and whether she is back in my country and I told her. Then she asked if I have a specific religion, I said yes but it’s mostly for tradition, and I asked if she is religious , and she asked what I think.
I told her that most artists I meet are pretty open minded and not very religious and she said that why do I assume that open minded people cannot be religious and most artists she knows are spiritual. I told her that spirituality is different and I agree that we all have parts of spirituality and it’s important to get in touch with it as well.
During this time we had arrived at her exhibition space and she said she had to go grab a chair and fix some stuff and I can wait there. I said I don’t mind joining and walking for a bit. I didn’t want to just stay there waiting, felt it was going to be strange and she would be moving around and we would have no opportunity to connect, but in the end I ended up following her more. We went grabbed the chair, we brought it back, she told me that there was something up at the ceiling to catch, she was pretty short, so I went up at the chair but couldn’t reach it either, so she said she knew where a ladder is and we went to take that.
During this walk we ended up talking about relationships a bit. Don’t remember how exactly it started but she told me she is pretty much a loner and has been burnt a lot by people and she needs a lot of trust to open up. I told her I agree and that trust is very important, and you have to be able to really connect with someone to open up.
She asked me if I have had relationships, I said yes but nothing too serious, I like being free, exploring and enjoying my life. So she asked what I mean free, and I told her I don’t mind a relationship, but I want to do it if I really feel it, if I am to dedicate my life to one person. So she said: “Compromise?”, and I told her that no, I don’t see it as a compromise but as exercising my freedom by being in this relationship by my choice when the time comes. And then she said: “Have you considered polyamory?” To which I responded: “Yes, and I feel it would be better for me right now, as I really believe that when there is clear communication and you value the people in your life and care for them, it is the most important thing”.
As we were going back to her exhibition space, she asked my age, I had her guess, and she was exactly right( 27 ) I told her spot on. I asked hers, she said 22, and then immediately: “ No I’m lying 44”. And I said:”Oh that is totally true, ok then, you can be my… how it’s called?… sugar mamma!” Then she said no, she has no sugar to give me, only salt, and I said: “Ok then you can be my salty mamma”. And I asked her what is salty about her. She said she just likes salty food, and I said alright I was expecting something more interesting, spiritual or sexual, to which she responded, she could probably make a connection like that as well, but anyway.
By that time we went back to her her exhibition space with the ladder, she was caring it so I did ask if she needed any help with it or with reaching the ceiling still, since she was pretty short as I said, but she told me it’s fine and she can make it.
She went up found the thing she was looking for and was fixing it and then she told me she will just be very busy now and cannot hang put with me anymore. Suddenly the visual projection started working so she explained to me briefly what was shown, about some hippies she lived with for a while in Turkey, and started gathering her things.
I had left my bag there together with hers while we were going around, and as I was taking it as well I asked her what she is up to now. She said she has to go do and organise some things in the other floor, so I said: “Alright, do you have whats app?”
She said she does, but she doesn’t feel she would like to connect more with me, although she really appreciates I approached her. I asked why she feels that, and she said she doesn’t really know, and asked me what I feel. I told her I love her energy, and don’t really know about her but would be interested in connecting more. She basically said that she doesn’t feel it again, and we started walking towards the exit. I thanked her for inviting me to her exhibition, she said there are many others exhibitions around, but I said no I mean you took me to your private space and I connected with the artist, that is unique, and she agreed. Then we parted ways.
All in all I feel I wouldn’t go there if I had the choice again, probably would have asked her out some other time to not have all the following around. That said, I don’t believe I could have worked it out better even during the date, there is something about my vibe or the things I say and the frames I set that just seem to turn things around even if there is some interest initially.
And it’s not that I am perfect at getting initial interest, my fundamentals can use a lot of work, but at least when I get that I want to be taking it somewhere. Because I end up feeling worse when there is a girl that does like me by in the end nothing happens, as it feels that the problem is clearly that she gets to know me and loses interest after I convey myself.
I would also like to understand how I can express myself when talking about realtionships. I have never had any relationship, not even more than two dates, so I don’t know what to say when I am asked about it to look high value without being caught lying. I was trying to say I haven’t felt a special enough connection yet but it feels a bit weird at my age I think. And also when it comes to me wanting a relationship or liking polyamory I am not even sure how to express it to be attainable and attractive at the same time. Because I do enjoy being single and meeting people, but wouldn’t mind getting into a relationship with someone I felt special for me ( my relationships standards are pretty high though so I wouldn’t say that getting someone like that right now would be very probable, I feel I have to improve myself quite a bit first to manage that ).
As always, all comments and insights are highly appreciated.
PS One more approach I did as a bonus, after exiting the building. I went to the tram station, saw a girl sitting there waiting, passed by her stopped like I just noticed her and told her she looks lovely, she thank me smiling, I asked if she is single, she said yes, but not looking for a relationship, to which I responded that yes, I wasn’t planning to get her in a relationship right now. She asked back if I am single, and I said yeah, depends a bit how you define it.
I then asked if I may sit with her for a bit, she said sure and I sat there. We exchanged names, I asked her if she is from the area, she said yeah and asked me mine, I had her guess, she said something like russian, ukrainian, I said no, she asked my name again, I gave it and she said Serbian to which I said you are getting there but not really, and I gave her my country.
She said she was there some weeks ago for vacation, and I asked if she was there for the historical sightseeing of for the good weather and the beaches. She said she went to some specific area which she enjoyed quite a lot.
She wasn’t contributing much back, but I could sense that she wasn’t completely uninterested, at some point she went in to ask me something but I basically interrupted her without wanting, as I had decided to ask her something else myself. The thing is I know I have to take it slow, and not rush the interaction, but when the tram comes in 2 minutes, and you know you don’t have much time to connect, I sometimes feel I rush so as not to lose the chance and it being awkward to ask her for a number when she has to get up and go.
I asked her what she is doing generally, she said she is studying a lot lately, going back home now to rest, I said that yeah I know it is a difficult period ( they have exams now ). And I asked her how she enjoys spending her time, sports, partying, chilling with friends, and she said she is really mostly studying now.
Shortly after the tram came she stood up, I wasn’t taking it but decided to get in anyway, she asked if I take that and I said yes. We sat together and immediately before I even tried to connect a bit more or try to make some transition towards her life, and having her tell me something I could use to qualify and ask for a number, she realised she took the wrong tram and in less than a minute she went down at the next station.
I went down with her and she asked if I won’t continue, I told her I can walk from here. Then she said ok it was nice meeting you. Before she left I asked her if she had whatsapp, just because I still wanted to try and close after this mess this approach was.
She told me it’s fine she doesn’t feel like connecting more. I asked why she feels that ( by the way this is something I started used a bit from the UNDER article about a technique to overcome objections, but probably it is too early in such scenarios to make it effective ). She said it’s not about me, she appreciated the approached but she is very busy these days. I said I am also busy, but I can find some time for the right connection, she still said she is not interested but she was staying there so I just opened my whatsapp at the page where you save the number, I extended my hand and showed it to her without saying anything.
This is another thing I have been trying a bit, it did work with a girl yesterday, but can’t say I see a big consistency. So I stayed there not moving just my hand extended, looking at her with eyes being like yeah, I know you want it. She said she is not interested once again but still stayed there, I kept the same pose looking at her, at some point she told me this is creepy, still did nothing, then she said: “You don’t care?” I said: “I do, and you are free to go, as long as you are staying around I will keep inviting you out”.
She again said she doesn’t want to. without leaving while I kept my hand extended and looking at her ( I think I did look at her eyes for quite a while and it was pretty intense but I was experimenting with that as well, maybe breaking some eye contact would help? especially if she also breaks it at some point ). Then she asked my name, and I told her it doesn’t matter, since she we were not gonna meet again, keeping my hand extended. And she asked again my name and I told her: “Put your number in and I will text you my name”
At that point she made an expression of small frustation and slight amusement, I think she did enjoy at least a bit the fact I didn’t give my name and told her that. But she did say no again, so I told her she is free to go, and eventually she did and told me: “ Have a nice day human”, and I told her to enjoy her day as I went my way.
