Got Friendzoned/lost interest after a few dates - what next?

[Still Bad at Dating]

Basically it went like this:

- Met on Tinder and talked for a wile, added her on FB and got mobile. On Tinder her profile said she is looking for "friends' and personality matters. She said the same to me in the beginning and when we had a rough spot, that friends first and all her past boyfriends started as "friends" (true or not).
- Had trouble meeting her or getting a good flow of dates because of her work (and probably because she wasn't so interested).
- First date we had dinner and drinks, and i could tell she was interested as when we were walking she was always close to me shoulder to shoulder. I didnt kiss her because i never on the first date
- Second date we had dinner close to her house and some bar. Great date and conversation. Before i left to get on the train we kissed on the lips for the first time.This was when she walked me to the train station and before i jumped on the train.
- Third date we went to watch a movie at the cinema. She said she was cold and grabbed my hand,i then initiated the kissing. We must of kissed on the lips (and french kiss a bit) 60-100 times. During the movie we would rest our heads on each other. She would rub my biceps, thighs and i would do the same. She took a lot of photos of us together. We got a taxi home, during the taxi ride she rested her head on my shoulder, and kissed me good night, it seemed i was not going home with her that night
- Fourth date she organized to have it at a South American place for lunch. I could tell she was acting weird a bit. Again we must of kissed a 100 times and acted like bf and gf. She gave me a "Latina" kiss which was the most sexiest kiss i ever received. At this stage i was aroused and standing close to her and grabbing her ass. I wanted to go home with her but she said she was tired and had things to do.

During the fourth date in the beginning she said she was hoping to meet me on Sunday (next day), the next day i waited for her to get back to me and she said she had to catch up with her friend who was going through a break up. Next day she cancelled the date and said the next week end we would spend all week end together. I later found out this was a lie about the sunday and her friend and now she said stated when we last spoke on the phone that she was just so tired and depressed from work that she slepped all that day. Probably BS as well.

Keep in mind i knew that she was still using Tinder during those four dates, and i deleted it because it kept bothering me and i thought maybe if i deleted it she could see i was a good guy/serious.


Tried texting her a few times the following week but she kept brushing me off as "busy" or "tired'. I sent her another text and didnt get a response for a week. I called her a week later and she didnt recognize my phone number. She pretended that there was something wrong with her mobile but deep down i knew something was up.
We talked for an hour and she suggested we go on a date. At the end of the call i acted a bit needy and maybe scared her off.

She cancelled the date and i had to ask her what was up. She msged back saying she was confused about me, if she loved me as a friend or more. She said our dates were "lovely" but "not amazing" and that there was no "passion" when we kissed. To me this seemed strange as she seemed so into it. She said maybe we should wait until december after she finishes her visa application and quits her current demanding job and we can try again. I agreed and said thats no problem and i can wait. She then freaked out and said she felt bad i was waiting for her, i tried to explain my life doesn't revolve around her and i can occupy my time with other things but in the end i think i messed up here. She also said that i was probably the best person she has met since moving to this country.

The next day we talked on the phone for 2 hours about "us", and she also told me some personal issues about her that not many people about. Basically she has some mental issues - has depression and takes medication for it, has social anxiety etc. Talked about her good side and "bad side", it got a bit weird.

Thinking i wouldn't see her until December surprisingly i got a text from her the next morning asking if i wanted to come over to her place and she would cook dinner for myself and her best friend (female). I thought why not and went there thinking im just a friend now.
When we met she kissed me on the lips like nothing happened.
Her best friend thinks highly of me and said the girl always talks about me. The best friend tried to set us up i could tell.
The best friend went to sleep n the girls room, so when she left i sat next to the girl i was dating. She grabbed my hand, and then i initiated the kissing. We kissed for 10 minutes and she kept saying i was an amazing person. She said she was tired but i knew for what ever reason it was over.
Before i caught the taxi home we kissed on the lips good bye. I didnt really try to initiate sex because the friend was sleeping on her bed and i drank to much so i couldnt perform. Maybe i should of at least tried to show my intentions but i was just so drunk.

A few days later i called her on the phone, we talked for 30 minutes. She had to go, but later sent me a photo of the desert she cooked and said she will make it for me "soon". Even though she said she had to have a shower and go to sleep when we last chatted (9pm) she was on facebook and whats app until about 1am.

I called her again the next day (because she said she like to be texted and called every day) but this time the phone rang a few times and it seemed like she picked up the phone and hung up. I texted her if everything was ok and she said she was busy on another call and couldn't chat that night as she had to go to sleep for work the next day. Again she was on facebook and whatsapp until about 1am again. She also said that we should talk on the week end and i suggested friday.

Friday night i texted her after work telling her i couldn't chat because i had a work dinner. I also told her that i finally decided to join kick boxing and do salsa classes. Her response was "but i cant do salsa". So i don't know if i made her upset or something.

So i waited a few days and thought i would give it a final shot. Monday morning i sent the most neediest pathetic text. I sent her a text telling her that i really found her to be an amazing person and she was so different to most girl, and thought she was really strong for coming to a new country with no friends or family and doing tough jobs like being a cleaner or dish washer and sticking it out. Also told her that she had the most prettiest smiles i had ever seen. Cringe worthy i know but i thought i would give it a final shot

 

[Still Bad at Dating]

She then sent me back a massive text saying she has spent all week end thinking about me, and that she had to make a decision on me as we only dated 5 times in 3 months. She said the more she thought of me the more she loved me as a friend and she felt really bad about me. And it hurts her that she cant see more than a friend as i have all the qualities she is looking for.

We agreed to talk on the phone after work. We ended up talking on the phone for 2 hours. It was an awkward phone call. She began to cry as she said she felt bad that she met me who had every quality she was looking for but what ever reason she just didn't understand why she couldn't be my gf. She said if she could she would be my gf but her heart wouldn't allow her.
She said its all about "passion" to her and that there was no passion when we kissed. She said that when we kissed on the second or third date it was lovely but an accident. The fourth date she just did it to try to see and make sure but she wasn't really into coming to meet me that day. To me she said she wasn't into it but i have never been kissed by a girl so passionately before, so i dont know if she was lying.
I asked her about the firth date with her friend and why we kissed even though she said. She said when we first kissed when we met it was just out of "habit" we did it so many times it just happened naturally. And when i asked her about when we kissed for 10 minutes before i left she said "it just happened".

I pretty much told her its ok and not her fault that she doesn't find me physically attractive. She was silent on the phone so i knew thats what the problem was. (I admit i am ugly and short).
She pretty much said there was no chance in us being bf and gf, or that we would kiss again. That if i was to be her friend i would have to reject all emotion i have for her. She even suggested we take a few weeks break.

 

[Still Bad at Dating]

I haven't spoken to her since monday and haven't given her my decision if i will be her friend or not.

Strangely she has been going crazy on FB posting photos of her self and going to every event she can go to. She posted a photo of her at the bar with her friends and some male studs. I didnt like the photo or comment on it. However when i comment on a few other FB photos less than an hour later she deleted the photo from her facebook. Maybe she doesn't want me to see the photo, or maybe there are other suckers on facebook she is gaming.

Part of me thinks of just chucking in the towel and being her psychologist male girlfriend. Why? Because i am in a new city with no connections or friends. Maybe through her i can meet new people (men and women), get a social circle, go to more events and maybe if she really is a true friend she can set me up with girls (but obviously not her friends).

On the other hand, i see myself being pigeon-ed holed into a person that she just talks to to make her self feel better and i will probably never meet any new people. Most females are lousy friends and offer nothing. She is also unreliable. Could be a user.

What would you do if you were me?

Btw i have realized that the reasons as why this didnt work was: that she wanst all that into me, and maybe i had a small window of having sex with her but i took to long, we met at a bad time in her life when she was working crazy hours at work, and i get to needy and beta after the fourth date and that pushed her to make the decision to friend zone me. I also became her pshcologist when she told me all of her personal stuff and problems - i didnt know what to do as she was pouring her heart out to me and in a bad place so i thought i would try to help her. It was a tough situation.

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey mate TBH I only read the last paragraph in which it sounds like you know exactly what you did wrong, so I'm not sure why this was worth a massive 3 posts and long and detailed story, are you thinking about her a lot? Umm anyway your username and the title says it all: "Still bad at dating" -> lacks confidence and is prone to negative thinking. "Friendzoned after a few dates" -> overinvests in the girl while getting not much in return. Obviously, you should cut her off. If you're getting into logical discussions with her about whether you should be her friend... you're doing this all wrong buddy. Those kinds of topics need to be skirted around and left mostly implied. Instead focus on connecting and relating and building the sexual tension. Anything that doesn't contribute to that, or even smells of logical discussion or "why she should have sex with you"... doesn't help your cause and if she brings things around to that, it means she's trying to manipulate you. That is, she'll say she feels really special when she's with you, you're her soulmate etc... which is womanspeak for "you'll never get in my pants but I'm happy to use you as an emotional tampon". Ehh cut off contact and meet more girls. Also, PM Franco (board admin) and have him change your name. We don't like negative thinking around here. In any interaction your FRAME is THE MOST IMPORTANT PART and it consists of YOUR BELIEFS and the things you say consciously or unconsciously that project those beliefs. So any negative beliefs will ruin your frame and must be ruthlessly eliminated and replaced with the correct beliefs.
Ray

 

[Still Bad at Dating]

Hey mate TBH I only read the last paragraph in which it sounds like you know exactly what you did wrong, so I'm not sure why this was worth a massive 3 posts and long and detailed story, are you thinking about her a lot? Umm anyway your username and the title says it all: "Still bad at dating" -> lacks confidence and is prone to negative thinking. "Friendzoned after a few dates" -> overinvests in the girl while getting not much in return. Obviously, you should cut her off. If you're getting into logical discussions with her about whether you should be her friend... you're doing this all wrong buddy. Those kinds of topics need to be skirted around and left mostly implied. Instead focus on connecting and relating and building the sexual tension. Anything that doesn't contribute to that, or even smells of logical discussion or "why she should have sex with you"... doesn't help your cause and if she brings things around to that, it means she's trying to manipulate you. That is, she'll say she feels really special when she's with you, you're her soulmate etc... which is womanspeak for "you'll never get in my pants but I'm happy to use you as an emotional tampon". Ehh cut off contact and meet more girls. Also, PM Franco (board admin) and have him change your name. We don't like negative thinking around here. In any interaction your FRAME is THE MOST IMPORTANT PART and it consists of YOUR BELIEFS and the things you say consciously or unconsciously that project those beliefs. So any negative beliefs will ruin your frame and must be ruthlessly eliminated and replaced with the correct beliefs.
Ray

I dont know what to do. If i be her friend and if she is genuine i am hoping through her i can expand my social circle, meet new people and if we really become good friends i can ask her to help me find some women to date. It obviously wont be any of her friends but she goes to english learning school with a lot of internationals. Maybe she is genuine about me being a good friend and i can use this too my advantage.

She did say i was the best person she has met since moving here, and that she thinks highly of me. She did say that when i told her i wasnt happy with her friendzoning me and a bit sad it didnt work out, she told me on that day she felt like quitting her job and flying back to her country. She had to talk on the phone with her mom about me to try help make a decision.

On the other hand she said she would still like to talk on the phone, go to dinners together, and then when i am around her i make her feel well. Seems like i could be getting used to fill an empty void in her life (presumably she gets fucked by the studs while i play beta pretend bf). On the phone when she was emotional she was practically begging for me to still be her friend so we can talk together a lot.

Its a weird situation, i dont want to upset the girl and feel sorry for her, and im hoping through her she can help me find a girlfriend, but i dont know if she is using me or a geniune friend.

I dont know what to do.

 

[ray_zorse]

DELETE NUMBER, IGNORE, NEVER CONTACT AGAIN.

You don't need this shit. If you want to find a girlfriend you are much better off doing it yourself. Social circle is hit/miss and definitely not my preferred style of game. Plus I highly doubt this witch has any real motivation to set you up with any of her friends given she currently has the monopoly on your value. Why would she share, and in any event what would she say to her friend? "Hey I met this really sexy and dominant guy, I didn't fuck him because err.. I didn't feel like it! Even though we are soulmates! Or something! Umm.. but you should definitely have a go, he's awesome".. get real haha the only way her friends would want you is if you were fucking her or if you had set firm boundaries with her and put her firmly in her place (which is no place as far as you're concerned). NEXT!!!!!!!

Ray

 

[demigod]

Dude, Ray has a point. There are lots of girls. If she's full of shit (as she most apparently is) delete her. Girls like to drag guys along and then friendzone them to feel superior. Just delete.
And I suggest deleting FB as well. I've done it and has been happier ever since.
I saw a video on youtube the other day with a few very important pointers, I can't for the life of me remember the name of the guy that gave the talk but women don't respect a guy if he can't go somewhere, pick up a girl and seduce her.
I'm new to all this but I trim people like this from my social circle very quickly. This may sound arrogant, but your social circle revolves around you, not anyone else. Everyone's does.