Handling social conflict (in general and in front of women)

[Synthesis]

I recently got into a situation where I was dealing with a shady business while travelling in Italy, I had to drop my luggage off at a luggage storage place near the train station. They initially told me a cheap price to store my luggage, but when I returned to collect it, they charged almost triple the price they initially gave me. I initially calmly told them that they were being disingenuous and I was not going to pay that price for my luggage but then they refused to return my luggage. After I threw them the amount they asked for, they returned my bags and threatened me to leave immediately or else they would call the police. I stayed a extra 2 minutes to slowly order my bags just to piss them off and left before the police came. Thankfully I was alone at this time, but it got me thinking how to act in this scenario when with a woman without her losing respect for you. I don't think it was worth too much of an effort to argue with them considering how small the amount was (30 euros instead of 10), but in this situation, it seems very difficult to not come off as being disrespected considering it was a lose-lose for me.

Obviously I could have done research on the place first, but what would be the ideal way to deal with a situation like this alone and with a woman present?

 

[Will_V]

I recently got into a situation where I was dealing with a shady business while travelling in Italy, I had to drop my luggage off at a luggage storage place near the train station. They initially told me a cheap price to store my luggage, but when I returned to collect it, they charged almost triple the price they initially gave me. I initially calmly told them that they were being disingenuous and I was not going to pay that price for my luggage but then they refused to return my luggage. After I threw them the amount they asked for, they returned my bags and threatened me to leave immediately or else they would call the police. I stayed a extra 2 minutes to slowly order my bags just to piss them off and left before the police came. Thankfully I was alone at this time, but it got me thinking how to act in this scenario when with a woman without her losing respect for you. I don't think it was worth too much of an effort to argue with them considering how small the amount was (30 euros instead of 10), but in this situation, it seems very difficult to not come off as being disrespected considering it was a lose-lose for me.

Obviously I could have done research on the place first, but what would be the ideal way to deal with a situation like this alone and with a woman present?

What was the point of throwing the money and staying around just to do the opposite of what they wanted? All that had no utility for you whatsoever, except to waste your own time while putting you at an undefined risk (you are in their territory and don't know what to expect). If you did that in front of a street smart woman she would no doubt lose respect.

If I was with a woman I would do exactly the same thing as if I was alone, which is to politely and insistently argue the point until either they agree or I can see I am getting nowhere, then simply pay and leave calmly.

You could call the police, but why waste even more time while dealing with a bureaucracy you don't understand? Maybe the local police are part of all this stuff. You're just adding unknowns on top of unknowns while going nowhere. I would only even consider calling the police if my bags disappeared entirely, and even then probably not, what are they going to do?

The only threat you could actually give is to rate the place badly on whatever marketing platform they are using, if that has no effect along with your abilities of persuasion then there is simply nothing to do.

The idea of doing anything differently when women are around is simply weak frame control. Your woman should be either smart enough to trust your judgement on these things or learn quickly to do so, because you don't want to be going around with a woman who is ready to ditch you if you don't start fighting random dudes in Italy over 20 euros.

 

[Synthesis]

What was the point of throwing the money and staying around just to do the opposite of what they wanted? All that had no utility for you whatsoever, except to waste your own time while putting you at an undefined risk (you are in their territory and don't know what to expect). If you did that in front of a street smart woman she would no doubt lose respect.

If I was with a woman I would do exactly the same thing as if I was alone, which is to politely and insistently argue the point until either they agree or I can see I am getting nowhere, then simply pay and leave calmly.

You could call the police, but why waste even more time while dealing with a bureaucracy you don't understand? Maybe the local police are part of all this stuff. You're just adding unknowns on top of unknowns while going nowhere. I would only even consider calling the police if my bags disappeared entirely, and even then probably not, what are they going to do?

The only threat you could actually give is to rate the place badly on whatever marketing platform they are using, if that has no effect along with your abilities of persuasion then there is simply nothing to do.

The idea of doing anything differently when women are around is simply weak frame control. Your woman should be either smart enough to trust your judgement on these things or learn quickly to do so, because you don't want to be going around with a woman who is ready to ditch you if you don't start fighting random dudes in Italy over 20 euros.

Yes, throwing the money and staying around was unnecessary, and I only did it as I knew I could get away with it. I complied with their demand and the only thing the police could have done at that point was to order me to leave, which I was going to do anyways. As far as speaking of woman, I would think that the pettiness matters less than giving her the impression of incompetence of being taken advantage of, which, may not initially cause a woman to ditch you, but would slowly erode a relationship over time the more it happens (hence why I'm asking for future scenarios). I'm fairly certain the consensus on women's biology factor is that they care far more about being with men who are winners and take risks than those who mitigate risk to the best extent possible.

 

[Will_V]

Yes, throwing the money and staying around was unnecessary, and I only did it as I knew I could get away with it. I complied with their demand and the only thing the police could have done at that point was to order me to leave, which I was going to do anyways. As far as speaking of woman, I would think that the pettiness matters less than giving her the impression of incompetence of being taken advantage of, which, may not initially cause a woman to ditch you, but would slowly erode a relationship over time the more it happens (hence why I'm asking for future scenarios). I'm fairly certain the consensus on women's biology factor is that they care far more about being with men who are winners and take risks than those who mitigate risk to the best extent possible.

It's all about frame control man. She needs to feel like you have things under control, and you need to be able to explain in a firm, convincing way why you did things the way you did. That's what's going to make or break things with her - the talk you have afterward about it.

The problem with allowing conflict to escalate is that unless you take it all the way, it's very hard to come out as the winner. Because either you are going to fight them, or you're going to walk, and if you walk, how are you going to make her believe it's on your terms when it's with such obvious resentment and reactiveness on your part?

If someone tries to take advantage like that, argue the point with a strong frame, pressure them in whatever way possible, if your woman is there let her hear you giving a good account of yourself. But don't lose control and get reactive, and when you leave, do it as if it is exactly and definitively what you have decided to do. Because when she cools down she will replay the thing in her head and what she will want to know is whether you did everything you could without getting unsettled or overreacting.