Long-Term  Hard Nights

Smiling_Stray

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jul 23, 2017
Messages
187
Location
USA, East Coast, Planet Earth
So my girlfriend and I are coming up on three months now and although there's a 3 hour drive between us we've managed to visit each other every other week for a few days at a time. We almost always have a great time. Thing is whenever we're not able to spend the night together in person we like to sleep together over video call. It works for both of us and we normally sleep much better than just apart. Unless of course it's a hard night. Then she can be very unpredictable with anxiety and depression sometimes but I've noticed this happens almost consistently at night. (I noticed the same a while back for my depressive episodes when I had a few in my teenage years.)

Whenever she has an episode it starts with a long silence (her best friend calls this the silence before the storm) where she just zones out. Then at any given moment she just spirals into this fit of anxiety and usually wants to turn off her camera, leave the meeting entirely, or sometimes even take a break (which I've discovered is her way of trying to break up). I'm normally able to talk her down after a few hours but sometimes it feels impossible to calm her down and she'll insist continually on whatever. Recently we've had a few close calls with breaking up where she almost blocked me and left the call for what she says would've only been for a day or two. Either way, it's always chaotic and all I've been able to do is try to stay calm and hang on for dear life to resolve whatever thought caused her anxiety (otherwise it carries on to the next day).

Whenever this happens in person it's much easier to deal with, just hug her and literally hold on for dear life as she thrashes around. If I let go, the thrashing stops but she's even more distant. If I hold on long enough, she calms down and thanks me then that's it for the night. Plain and simple.

I'm not sure what else I can do to make our nights easier or avoid hard nights entirely. If I fall asleep before her, she just goes through it alone and god knows what I wake up to (her camera turned off and muted, her having left entirely, or sometimes even cut contact entirely... thank god I'm on her friend's good side). Has anyone had any similar experiences, have any idea what I can do in these situations, or have any idea how I can avoid this entirely?

Finally, I just wanna say I know that from the way I've written this it seems like this happens a lot and that she comes off crazy. It's honestly just a random occurrence that happens once or twice a week, we normally sleep pretty well. She's been really good to me so far and really cares a lot, she's already thrown herself on a few grenades for me that aren't necessary to mention here and has been supportive of almost everything I do (including helping me with a few addictions). She's pretty sweet, easy going, and pretty good in appearance as well as sex. So I'm pretty sure I wanna keep her in a relationship. I'm just glad I set my own work schedule, otherwise I definitely would've been fired by now for being late or not showing up for work. Just not sure how much longer I can keep pushing back my work schedule because of these episodes. I've already talked to her about it, she really can't control it and that just made her feel worse about it whenever it happens.

Happy to answer any questions to clarify, any advice welcome.
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jul 24, 2015
Messages
2,092
You are not responsible for her mental health.

Sounds codependant to me, and I had a 3 year LDR.

If you are an employed male between 21 and 60 with a dick that works, and average or above social skills and a BMI under 31 There is no need for you to put up with her emotional roller coaster.
 
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