Has Casual sex with an ex ever gone well?

[IrishConrad]

Gentleman,

I cannot tell if I am still emotionally invested in my ex or just want her to chase me for an ego boost. We had been together for 2 years and faded out for a lot of external and family issues. We ended on good note and hooked up a few times before it was finally done. I went on to date other women and jumped into a new career. After a few months of no contact we started up again and she was flirty. I saw her on new years and we hooked up several times in the month of January until I saw her out at the bar with another guy. That didn't bother me as much as I new the sex with her was over.

Since then I have hooked up with other women and I'm building up my abundance mentality slowly. She is still messaging me and starting to be a little flirty again and part of my brain is telling me nothing would make me happier then to have her over again in thigh highs....as we had left out last conversation.

I'm not chasing her and I am working on replacing her with no only my own positive drive and motivation to succeed and be a better man, but also another woman.

Problem is she satisfies me more than any girl I have been with and she was also the first girl I was in a true intimate relationship with. I had has sex with other girls before her but nothing like the experiences with my ex.

Has keeping an ex in your back pocket ever turned out to be a good thing?

I don't want to be bitter, I want to learn from my mistakes, and I want to lose the emotional attachment to her. I don't want to be her buddy but I do want to be they guy than she calls upon to go gorilla on.

 

[girlsfollow]

interesting you feel you had the most intense sex with your ex - I have also found that almost every experience since has been on another level lower than it was with her, even with girls equally and more attractive than her. I'm guessing it was the emotional attachment you can't have with just any girl you have only been with for a while. I hooked up with her once after the BU and it was just as good again but back then I was in the wrong headspace for it to work I think if we started again I would be able to totally handle it - I think the KEY is to never let the abundance mentalities get unbalanced - you always need to work to keep as many girls interested in you as are interested in her - this would stay level in a casual setup and die down a little in a relationship - then I dont see how anything, including being her gorilla man couldn't work.

 

[IrishConrad]

I think the only way t could ever work is I I was totally over her and moved on....from what I read out there. I need to cut the emotional bond and walk the other way.

She is hot and cold and I know I must play it cool and move on. She is traveling through south america right now and I catch myself thinking if she will want to get together again when she gets back. This is not a place I want my thoughts to be.

Maybe I don't actually want her...but want the satisfaction of her wanting me.

It's a head spin because I still fantasize about her when it comes to sex. And the thought of seeing her in thigh highs again is tough to block out.

 

[Tyme2k]

you might like this post by RSD Tyler I read it today made me think of your situation. http://www.rsdnation.com/node/201933/forum

 

[Chase]

Irish-

It takes a little while to build up intensity with sex in a long-term relationship. Sex often doesn't really start to get really truly fantastic until somewhere past the 1 year mark - fantastic in the "wow, this feels great just to be doing it" way as opposed to the "wow, this chick is absolutely crazy in bed," which you can have the first night. You'll sometimes think back and remember the sex at the start as being as good as it was later on, but this usually isn't really the case - it's more coloring your more distant memories with more recent recollections.

Every guy I've seen keep his ex "in his back pocket" either ends up with her, and settles down with her, usually, or gets upset if/when she ends up running off with some other cat. Much of the time, though, you'll see a guy keep his ex in his back pocket, and her keep him in her back pocket, both of them seeing if they can find something better, and ending up back together again when they both decide that ex they broke up with is the best they can get. It's not quite as "special" the second time around, because now instead of being with each other because you're "perfect" together, you're with each other because you're "the best you can get." But, much of the time both partners are coming in a lot more realistically... instead of imagining a fairy tale, they're coming at things from an eminently practical point of view.

Ultimately, it depends on your goals. If you really want to get crazy good with women and sleep with a larger number of new cuties and upgrade yourself to the point where you can replace your ex with a girl who's even better than her, then you want to drop her, burn that bridge so you can't go back, and focus all your time on getting exceptional with girls. If on the other hand you were pretty happy with your ex, think she might be good enough, but you just want to test the waters a bit more before maybe going back and settling down unless you stumble on something great by accident, then keeping her in your back pocket might be the better path to follow.

Chase

 

[IrishConrad]

Chase- Great points and thanks for the reply.

I suppose there there is no middle ground on this one.

Ultimately, it depends on your goals. If you really want to get crazy good with women and sleep with a larger number of new cuties and upgrade yourself to the point where you can replace your ex with a girl who's even better than her, then you want to drop her, burn that bridge so you can't go back, and focus all your time on getting exceptional with girls. If on the other hand you were pretty happy with your ex, think she might be good enough, but you just want to test the waters a bit more before maybe going back and settling down unless you stumble on something great by accident, then keeping her in your back pocket might be the better path to follow.

I was focused on burning that bridge with I received a text from her today. She sent me a pick of her in one one of my favorite sun dresses.

I immediately turned my thought process back to getting with her and how great the sex is. And even starting fantasizing about some things that I would like to try with her.

With that said, I also had an extra spring in my step and felt like she is in my back pocket....and adds to my abundance mentality. I walked out the door of my office and joked with couple cuties on the elevator.

I know she is keeping me in her back pocket just as I am trying to get to a point where I "feel" like she in mine.
Having my ex blow up my phone does give me an added mojo injection. I just need to manage it where I can continue to improve with women and have the option of mind blowing sex with her.