Have I Achieved Abundance?

[Doctor]

First of all, here is a fact which you may think is completely at odds with the title; I only date a few girls a month. Adding to that, I only sleep with a new girl once every month or two. Yet I think I may have achieved abundance in my life. I am wondering if you agree? Read on for a rationalisation.

I'm not sure what it is, a low sex drive, apathy, or maybe something else. Fact is, I can go a long time without sex. And it doesn't bother me. I am talking one month, three, or even six. As long as I am engaged in something I don't have to be having sex. I have never understood when my mates talk about just absolutely needing to have sex; to the point where they will go out that night and spend £80 buying girls drinks and just end up at home alone anyway. Only to do it all again the next night in the hope their luck changes. I guess what I am saying is that, although I love sex, I am a take it or leave it kind of guy. I just need something to focus my energy on and I am fine without sex for long periods of time.

I am a good looking, well groomed, upper middle class 20-something year old with a healthy social circle and plenty of varied hobbies. I'm not trying to show off here; I am sure most of you guys on these forums have much better success than me. What I am trying to say though, in as humble a way as possible is; I don't have much trouble attracting girls. OK, yes, I still make bone headed mistakes (my big sticking point seems to be flakes right now) and lose a fair amount of girls which I shouldn't have, and that annoys me, hence my presence here on Girls Chase. But I always have a few girls on 'standby'. That is, I have made a connection, proposed a date, taken a number and told them I will be in touch when I am free sometime. So, basically, if I have some spare time and if the mood strikes me I always have a few girls I can call on.

Currently one of my hobbies has taken over my life, as tends to happen from time to time. Long story short I have been selected to join a team who are competing at the world finals this year. Hence I am currently training 6 evenings a week and have very little time for girls (I am at medical school during the days). I have done 0 approach of any kind in the last month or so. Still I have had girls from my social circle messaging me their number "Just because they thought I should have it" and "Because we should hang out sometime". Adding to that every girl I have asked for a date since starting to read Girls Chase has said yes.

I am still committed to upping my approaches a bit and going on more dates (so I can eliminate any remaining sticking points) when I have more spare time. It's just weird right now to hear my mates talking about going out every night, doing 1000's of approaches and maybe getting a lay every few weeks (more often than me). Yet I feel like I am the one with abundance...

Also I keep reading articles on here saying I should be going out for hours on end, approaching 100's of women every day. However I feel that, if I can just iron out the last few kinks in my process, then I can live happily in abundance as I don't need that many women. As long as I have other things to do.

So, in conclusion, I have very little sex, rarely date, and hardly ever approach. However I can usually get a girl whenever the mood strikes me. Is it possible I have abundance? It feels like it to me, but I am struggling with this rationale as the two facts seem to conflict.

-Doctor

 

[Franco]

Doctor,

Abundance is more of a "mentality" and "mindset" than it is a way of life. So you can absolutely have an abundance mentality, even if you're only sleeping with one girl a year! But, that really depends on your wants and needs when it comes to women. If you feel like you are incapable of achieving something with a woman (or women) that you truly desire WHEN you desire it, then you do not have abundance mentality. However, if you actually feel like not having women relatively frequently in your life is not causing you any stress, then you can technically have an abundance mentality.

Now, the issue with this is that your wants and needs can change. So, for example, maybe after your team has completed the world finals, you'll start feeling like you want to be sleeping with more women, and if you feel like you can't do that, then suddenly you no longer have an abundance mentality.

It's important that you at least develop the skills to approach new women, get dates with them, and take them as lovers. As long as you feel confident in your ability to do that in a time period that suits your needs, then you'll continue to have an abundance mentality, and women will not be an issue for you.

Absolute abundance is a different story, but absolute abundance is something that is worth going after when you are looking for long-term relationships. You don't necessarily need to have the "highest" quality women with amazing personalities if you only plan on taking them to bed for a night and moving on to the next one. The "hottest" girl will usually do in that scenario!

Anyway, if women are around when you want them to be, then you likely have at least a basic abundance mentality. And if that's all you want, that's completely fine. More power to ya!

- Franco

 

[Drck]

Normal? And what is definition of being normal?

Maybe the better question should be whether anything has changed recently in the "I can go a long time without sex". If not, it is most likely normal, it is just your personality, you might prefer to be alone. If you want to dig deeper into it, depending on whether you have any social problems, you might even look into autism disorders such as Aspergers syndrome - highly functioning individuals with social problems. If anything changed recently, there may be many things to look at: say underlying depression, being recently dumped, change in physical health (e.g. diabetes), increased stress at work and so on.

You may have low testosterone level and thus low libido. There are many things contributing to low testosterone: poor diet, not enough physical activity, obesity, too much of a "nice" behavior... I would never recommend testosterone therapy for otherwise healthy man, rather changing the above is much better way.

Another important one is porn. The more you are looking at porn the more you are desensitized to women. You see hundreds of beautiful naked women within short period on time in pictures and movies. You can jerk off anytime you want. Then you go out and meet some 5-6-7, and she might be great - but why bother? You've already seen thousands of more beautiful ones, and maybe you are not in need of that emotional connection. Porn is addictive, the more you watch the more you want to watch, and over time it can cause impotence. Your brain is desensitized, you may enjoy women's company but have no desire to have sex.

So it all depends, but I agree, personally I don't have the need to go out and approach tens of women every weekend either, that is more likely for guys in their teens and early twenties. To me, abundance rather means that you are not uptight to one particular woman and have always choices - you loose one but you can chose from four/five others.

When you look at it from a different perspective, all women are all the same. True, they have different looks, different personalities different experiences, but in the core they are the same.

I like analogies, they make complicated things simpler. If we could compare women to computers, lets say that their personalities and looks are like computer software, and their behavior is like computer hardware. Most men are focused on discovering the software, and there are thousands of good programs - spreadsheets, databases, internet, emails, blogs, different games and so on. Discovering new software is quite exiting, there are many variations, everything seems new and person can get easily hooked on it, spent on it days and years. I think most men are hooked at playing with these softwares.

But some men open the cover and what they see is hardware: hard drive, motherboard, dvd rom, cables, microchips, battery, power cord. These are pretty much the same in every computer, every hardware runs the same way.

So if you are looking at software, you can spend a lot of exiting time discovering different personalities and looks, different dating/mating games, different opportunities in different places and countries to meet many different women. That is exiting.

But if you are looking at hardware, you might get bored with women quite easily, it is the same with every women: you either get her to bed within the first several times you meet her and you'll be her lover, or if it last longer she'll move you to a provider or friend zone. You are then allowed to be her great boyfriend and amazing husband - guy who pays a lot of money directly or indirectly for being with her and taking care of her. Guy who does things for her, exerts effort to understand her and be with her, while she is still attracted to many other men and secretly desiring to be fucked by those men because lets face it - you are a nice guy by providing for her. If her interest in you gets too low and you don't recognize it on time so you can dump her, you'll get hurt because she's already dumped you, and is only giving you time so you can "get it". You can see that the more "hotter" the women is the more competition there is, and thus more maintenance - more energy exerted to keep that one particular woman, more worrying about her and more supplicating to her just so she keeps you around... It is actually even sad, that is when you realize that she doesn't even worth it, that in her core she is not much better than those 5-6 on the scale...

Looking only at the hardware can be quite boring, all you see is the same thing in every women.

So the question remains, are you a software or hardware engineer?

 

[Nova]

there is abundance mentality and then there is actual abundance in my opinion.

i think you can develop abundance mentality without actually having abundance but to develop it fully i think you really wholeheartedly need to believe that you can have success with women whenever you want in any situation, you really need to believe that. usually you can only really know for sure if you have absolute success with women and if your skills are what you say they are when you have actually achieved solid consistent results either recently or at some point in your life. you need to have experienced it.

actual abundance per se is surely just defined by the number of gals that you have in your life, surely, so i think the two are separate, but definitely linked.