Have you ever apologized for chasing?

[ramirezs316]

I was wondering what the consensus is on owning up to your chasing of a girl if you get the chance, whether face to face or in a message. Does this just show more weakness or does it exhibit strength in finding self awareness? I see chasing as inherently disrespectful to a girl because it ignores her feelings, so would admitting your disrespect ever be a positive thing?

 

[PrettyDecent]

Hey ramirezs316,

No need to do that, bud. You only need to apologize if you did something that harmed her in a strong way; say, you spread a rumor that caused her to lose social face.

Just go out and meet new women, and hell, you might find her interested again.

Jake

 

[Estate]

Chasing is really not a "spoken" thing. It doesn't harm anyone but it's almost weirder to bring it up in conversation.

I liken it to some social etiquettes. You know, like some unspoken rules in general society but nobody actually really speaks of them.

 

[ramirezs316]

I don't necessarily mean apologizing to get the girl back (although that's always part of it). I think my question is more aimed at the peace of mind aspect. I liken the result of chasing as making me unequal with the girl, which gives me the same feeling as when I have an argument with someone. For me, after a time, it feels like I need to reconcile somehow. Its a strange sensation to have. Obviously you wouldn't say "Sorry about chasing you" (cue Benny Hill music, lol), but more pinpoint your behavior (it was unfair of me to..., I overreacted, I was too invested in my expectations). It seems like it would apply mostly to girls for whom you created expectations, got her invested, and then lost because you didn't deliver or because other circumstances prevented you from fulfilling them.

 

[Franco]

ramirez,

Obviously you wouldn't say "Sorry about chasing you" (cue Benny Hill music, lol), but more pinpoint your behavior (it was unfair of me to..., I overreacted, I was too invested in my expectations). It seems like it would apply mostly to girls for whom you created expectations, got her invested, and then lost because you didn't deliver or because other circumstances prevented you from fulfilling them.

There's really no point in doing this, and the girl will probably be weirded out if you attempt to do so. I think you have a misconception of where a girl's mind is at after something like this happens. When this does happen, it's usually only a lingering thought in her head for less than 24 hours most of the time (assuming this isn't some girl that's been chasing you for months or for years). A girl will usually just chalk something like that up to "well, he wasn't the one anyway" and then just move on to the next available prospect shortly thereafter.

She won't really understand what you are apologizing for, and she'll likely see it as some form of weak, manipulative attempt to get another chance with her. So if anything, it might lower her opinion of you even further rather than have the effect that you actually desire.

- Franco

 

[ramirezs316]

ramirez,

Obviously you wouldn't say "Sorry about chasing you" (cue Benny Hill music, lol), but more pinpoint your behavior (it was unfair of me to..., I overreacted, I was too invested in my expectations). It seems like it would apply mostly to girls for whom you created expectations, got her invested, and then lost because you didn't deliver or because other circumstances prevented you from fulfilling them.

There's really no point in doing this, and the girl will probably be weirded out if you attempt to do so. I think you have a misconception of where a girl's mind is at after something like this happens. When this does happen, it's usually only a lingering thought in her head for less than 24 hours most of the time (assuming this isn't some girl that's been chasing you for months or for years). A girl will usually just chalk something like that up to "well, he wasn't the one anyway" and then just move on to the next available prospect shortly thereafter.

She won't really understand what you are apologizing for, and she'll likely see it as some form of weak, manipulative attempt to get another chance with her. So if anything, it might lower her opinion of you even further rather than have the effect that you actually desire.

- Franco

That sounds like what I expected. It's so strange to me how guys ( for the most part or at least when they don't have much experience) tend to inflate encounters and hold onto interactions with a girl when girls have a much stronger "on to the next one" mentality. I guess it stems from a girl's biology and her subconscious need to find a mate sooner. The emotional divide between men and women can sometimes feel vast. I think the goal for any man is to find a healthy way to bridge it, so when an interaction ends, each person's feelings aren't so disparate.

 

[Flames]

I wouldn't say I've ever apologised for chasing but this happened recently.

Girl "Your just following me around arnt you?"
Me "Actually yes I am"

All said with a flirty vibe

I very rarely apologise for anything, except when it comes down to good manners to do
so, even sometime not even then.

 

[Estate]

I wouldn't say I've ever apologised for chasing but this happened recently.

Girl "Your just following me around arnt you?"
Me "Actually yes I am"

All said with a flirty vibe

I very rarely apologise for anything, except when it comes down to good manners to do
so, even sometime not even then.

haha, Flames I like it.

Not meaning to hijack the thread but was wondering what you guys think of apologizing in general. Do you NEVER apolgize?
I mean for small things sometimes...

I've stopped being the guy a long time ago, who apologizes for every little thing even when I don't have to. It comes off very weak.
But sometimes, if it is appropriate, I feel like a man should not be afraid to use the words "Oh, I'm Sorry about that", if it is appropriate.

Constant apologizing seems weak but doing it when I've recognized I genuinely should comes off more like, well, I'm a confident man and I have good manners and not afraid to say it when I should.

 

[Flames]

I wouldn't say I've ever apologised for chasing but this happened recently.

Girl "Your just following me around arnt you?"
Me "Actually yes I am"

All said with a flirty vibe

I very rarely apologise for anything, except when it comes down to good manners to do
so, even sometime not even then.

haha, Flames I like it.

Not meaning to hijack the thread but was wondering what you guys think of apologizing in general. Do you NEVER apolgize?
I mean for small things sometimes...

I've stopped being the guy a long time ago, who apologizes for every little thing even when I don't have to. It comes off very weak.
But sometimes, if it is appropriate, I feel like a man should not be afraid to use the words "Oh, I'm Sorry about that", if it is appropriate.

Constant apologizing seems weak but doing it when I've recognized I genuinely should comes off more like, well, I'm a confident man and I have good manners and not afraid to say it when I should.

Constant apologising is suplication, so it's incredibly weak. I do apologise for some things but only if I truly believe I was wrong and usually after a period of self-reflection. Even then I don't really say I'm sorry. I just make up for being an asshole with my actions.

But then I'm grumpy and stubborn so...