Hi guys,
I just come out from a long phase of analyzing the way I invite girls on date. And of course, I thought it was a good idea to share my conclusion with you (always useful to get some extra perspective on a challenge).
Women flake with me… a lot. I thought for a while that I had a value problem. I thought that I wasn't sexy enough (enough social value to make a good friend but to enough sexual value so to speak).
But then I realized that I will reach the hook point 9/10 in a street pick up with a total stranger (and yes, I'm choosing who I approach, both to approach attractive girls and avoid guaranteed rejection when it's obviously off) and about 6/10 of these aforementioned beautiful girl will agree to meet on a date and give me their number.
So far so good. It tell a lot about the power of deep diving, letting the girls do most of the talking and asking out on a high point.
But the problem, is: they flake.. biiiig time. Annoying, seriously.
So I come to realize that it's not a value or sexyness problem (otherwise they wouldn't agree to go on a date with me), but an investment problem.
The good stuff, both social value (friend/boyfriend material) and sexyness are great, a powerful emotional connection is great. But the next morning, she wake up and suddenly have a choice:
1- Going on with meeting you and embark on that journey, that adventure that will change a lot of stuff in her life
or
2- Go back to her familiar world.
Problem is that human being priority number one is familiarity, not even survival (people are ready to die to avoid changes). So all that good stuff, could easily be taken and that's it. It generates punctual gratitude and the relationship die here at day one.
So how to make a girl call you back and shows up on a date?
NOT by bringing good stuff in her life. If you bring awesome amazing stuff to her boring life, but her boring (but familiar) life somewhat satisfy her, you lose. I think the answer is by making her ordinary life insufficient without you. By creating A NEED FOR YOU in her ordinary life, wether you bring good stuff or not.
And that could be accomplished by making her invest emotionally in me. Then I take advantage of the sunken cost bias (good psychological stuff) and she keep trying to make it works.
But how to create that emotional investment in you? I didn't know if you notice guys, but girls are REALLY SAVVY when it come to emotional investment. Men are pretty quick to invest emotionally in a girl, but girl… ouch. They're so careful when it come to invest in a guy.
I could make a girl qualify herself, comply, move around with me, let me escalate physically… and yet, when I'm not there anymore the next day, all that stuff that look likes investment seem to have no effect on them and they are still very comfortable to wave me of their life.
Then I noticed that something was missing. All that isn't really investment. It's only the girl going with the flow of good stuff. So I should use my good stuff only as baiting for investment.
In other words: I should pepper up a handful of bored look when I deep dive her. Even if what she saids is really really interesting, adding up a bored look or two to make her fight for my interest and my attention, or fighting to qualify her when I disagree with her, that's what will create investment from her. Sincerity doesn't serve me well here. (and that's probably why boring unattractive girls seems so much in to me usually)
It's the "pull" factor" that was missing in my receipe.
You thoughts guys?
I just come out from a long phase of analyzing the way I invite girls on date. And of course, I thought it was a good idea to share my conclusion with you (always useful to get some extra perspective on a challenge).
Women flake with me… a lot. I thought for a while that I had a value problem. I thought that I wasn't sexy enough (enough social value to make a good friend but to enough sexual value so to speak).
But then I realized that I will reach the hook point 9/10 in a street pick up with a total stranger (and yes, I'm choosing who I approach, both to approach attractive girls and avoid guaranteed rejection when it's obviously off) and about 6/10 of these aforementioned beautiful girl will agree to meet on a date and give me their number.
So far so good. It tell a lot about the power of deep diving, letting the girls do most of the talking and asking out on a high point.
But the problem, is: they flake.. biiiig time. Annoying, seriously.
So I come to realize that it's not a value or sexyness problem (otherwise they wouldn't agree to go on a date with me), but an investment problem.
The good stuff, both social value (friend/boyfriend material) and sexyness are great, a powerful emotional connection is great. But the next morning, she wake up and suddenly have a choice:
1- Going on with meeting you and embark on that journey, that adventure that will change a lot of stuff in her life
or
2- Go back to her familiar world.
Problem is that human being priority number one is familiarity, not even survival (people are ready to die to avoid changes). So all that good stuff, could easily be taken and that's it. It generates punctual gratitude and the relationship die here at day one.
So how to make a girl call you back and shows up on a date?
NOT by bringing good stuff in her life. If you bring awesome amazing stuff to her boring life, but her boring (but familiar) life somewhat satisfy her, you lose. I think the answer is by making her ordinary life insufficient without you. By creating A NEED FOR YOU in her ordinary life, wether you bring good stuff or not.
And that could be accomplished by making her invest emotionally in me. Then I take advantage of the sunken cost bias (good psychological stuff) and she keep trying to make it works.
But how to create that emotional investment in you? I didn't know if you notice guys, but girls are REALLY SAVVY when it come to emotional investment. Men are pretty quick to invest emotionally in a girl, but girl… ouch. They're so careful when it come to invest in a guy.
I could make a girl qualify herself, comply, move around with me, let me escalate physically… and yet, when I'm not there anymore the next day, all that stuff that look likes investment seem to have no effect on them and they are still very comfortable to wave me of their life.
Then I noticed that something was missing. All that isn't really investment. It's only the girl going with the flow of good stuff. So I should use my good stuff only as baiting for investment.
In other words: I should pepper up a handful of bored look when I deep dive her. Even if what she saids is really really interesting, adding up a bored look or two to make her fight for my interest and my attention, or fighting to qualify her when I disagree with her, that's what will create investment from her. Sincerity doesn't serve me well here. (and that's probably why boring unattractive girls seems so much in to me usually)
It's the "pull" factor" that was missing in my receipe.
You thoughts guys?
