Having trouble finding my purpose

[daviddreamer]

I feel like I am always seeking it. Now that I think about it hence the username. I'll explain here. I'm currently serving in the military and my contract ends May of 2016. I am married to a beautiful woman who treats me well and who I believe initially had married me for my strengths. At the time I had a strong vision, handled stress well, in great shape, loved and cared for her and gave mostly my undivided attention....

But in the past couple of months I have just been mentally weak. We have been fighting all the time and its come to my attention the root of the issue is that I have changed (well maybe not changed but have gotten weaker) By weaker I mean things like I don't keep my calm when she gets into bitch mode, I have gained 15-20 pounds since we got engaged, I stopped working out like I used to and doing long distance runs, I am constantly procrastinating my schoolwork, and whereas I used to give her my undivided attention I am not consistently caught "not listening" and generally having really boring conversations whereas I used to deep dive. Got complacent I guess.

And to add on to this I am working on my degree online in Business Finance. I still have a 4.0 and working hard but I'm losing interest in it. Well I'm generally losing interest in everything anyhow. I have made some steps; started working out again since the New Year (resolutions yay!) and have lost 2 lbs already.

I basically feel like I only got into this degree with the potential to make a lot more money then what I do now but I'm starting to realize that money doesn't define me. I actually do really enjoy personal finance, budgeting, and investing and love helping other people out when it comes to these things so I'm going to finish my degree.

What I am seeking is what is my real purpose though? How am I going to impact the world and leave a mark with this major? I love nutrition, some chemistry, math, and cellular biology but realistically these things don't make that much money when I have a wife and future kids to provide for.

Maybe I'm seeking too narrow but I'm in a state of always seeking right now that I can't describe. Please chime in with your thoughts I'm sure some of you have been here before.

 

[daviddreamer]

also want to add and maybe I'm hijacking my own thread I didn't want to make another

1.) Does anyone here have experience with meditation and could point me to good sources?

2.) Anyone have experience with working with a homeless shelter. I volunteered for one...just now. I sometimes feel my life is too self-centered and I am too self-centered in general and I want to go out and help; also want to have a cause to fight for. Its one of those things I have been thinking about doing for a long time (years actually) but for whatever reason never stepped out to start. Submitted an application just recently.

 

[Glitch]

Hang in there david and grit your teeth, keep at it.

I've been away from the GC forums for a while but come back and read what good you guys have gotten up to.

You just have to get back at the things that make you happy. You're living if you're not doing things that you enjoy.

As with volunteering I did I lot when I was 15-18. I volunteered at hospitals, hospices and community work. It's a good thing, it makes you appreciate life more and reminds that little things aren't too bad, obstacles aren't too bad and be grateful of the little things. When I went into it I was pretty naive and thought it would just be a good way to help some others with my spare time. Little did I know that interacting with volunteering also helped me a lot. You give a lot but you do get a lot in return too.

With meditation I'm not the best I used to just meditate for 5mins every morning but Muay Thai lets me think out things all the same.

Keep at it,

Glitch

 

[Drck]

The way I see it, there might be two issues.

First, you might be depressed (and most likely you are). Depression can be temporary or recurrent, e.g. for the rest of your life. So if you are depressed only temporarily, that is the best possible outcome, you'll get out of it and hopefully you'll forget about it, and have happy life. More severe and recurrent depression is much more serious, IMO the best way is to seek a professional help.

The second issue: after reading your text my impression is that you are looking for some purpose of life. For some people it is just a superficial question. They don't really care, they are happy, they get excited about hearing that "everything happens for purpose" and so on. Others don't see it that way, for them finding a purpose of life is much deeper question, much more serious. It is a question touching their very existence, and they want to know the answer.

There are obviously no simple answers as to what purpose of life is. We are here, we live, and one day we die. We will eventually turn into dust, everything that exist today will be gone one day, forever. Is there some sort of afterlife? Heavens and Hell? Who knows, I have no clue. Billions of people believe in afterlife. Maybe it is there, maybe it is just a question of belief... Maybe people want to have some afterlife because, if nothing else, it would explain the purpose of their current life. They know that they can't live without purpose, they have to have it. But who really knows what the purpose is? Nobody knows.

Finding an answer can be quite depressing itself. You will just see this world differently. You might be making more money than everyone else, you might out-chase more girls than other guys - but will that really make you happy? It won't, because money and girls is not the answer you were looking for at first place. Money and girls are only a distraction, some excitement to chase after. Going after money and girls is just a question how to beat the short time we have on this planet, while being excited as much as we can...

So see, even talking about it might be quite depressing because if you think logically, you may easily come to conclusion that there is no purpose whatsoever in this life. You may find out that all the religions, all the excitement such as money and girls we are chasing after are basically only silly distraction, distraction that we seek to avoid the very same question you are asking: What is the purpose of all of this? And there might not be any purpose, so how much more fucking depressing can that get?

People sometimes realize once they find out that money, girls, titles, social recognition, fame and so on doesn't satisfy them. They got it all but they still are not happy. They can't be, as a matter of fact, some of them are quite miserable That is because those things can't cause happiness. I harsh reality, they are only obstruction to happiness - should such thing actually exist at first place...

You can find some famous people who had it all in this world, fame, money, girls, yet they couldn't bear the weight of not knowing a purpose. Curt Cobain, Nirvana? How about Robin Williams? They had it all in this world, had much more than others can dream about, yet they were not able to answer their purpose of life... How much fucking depressing that be?

Others are historical figures. Jesus. You have to die to be born again, to enter the Kingdom of God. Of course he didn't mean to go ahead and kill yourself - he meant that your desires for money, fame, women must die... He knew that these won't bring happiness, he knew that these will never satisfy anyone... All the Christianity is wrapped up about finding purpose of life, the ten commandments are setup the way so a person eventually finds out the purpose of life... The purpose of life is not in killing others, in accumulating money, in chasing women... The purpose is there, it is all there, just read it carefully and you will find it...

Another famous one is Buddha. He also had it all, he was a prince, rich, he had a wife and son... He had much more than many other people at that time. Was he happy? Nope. He left everything, he left it all and became a beggar describing suffering in this world... He was seeking a purpose of life because he also knew that money, women or fame won't make him happy, they won't answer purpose of his life...

So I don't know what to tell you. Perhaps there are no answers, perhaps the only answer is to stop asking that question. Or maybe you are religious, maybe you can find answer in Christianity. Or you could be closer to Buddhism. Maybe you can find some other ways, some other answers....

Personally I am close to Buddhism, Christianity doesn't talk to me much. I'm not a Buddhist in any way, I just found lots of answers to my questions in Buddhism, and I read many many books about Buddhist philosophy since I was some 17 years old. Most of the questions I had were clearly answered by reading Osho some 4 years ago. It is my opinion that Osho it the best source to find answers to your questions, he can explain lots of your questions (assuming that you have them), including questions about meditations...

Hope it helps

 

[daviddreamer]

Thanks you Drck. Very informative post but I am not religious. My wife is though. We have interesting conversations about it. I have been feeling slightly better since making this thread. I'm making progress in my weight loss efforts. Also I am pushing it really hard at work despite the fact I don't like my job too much; I'm just putting pride in it anyway and mentally forget about how much I don't like it. Its actually kind of helping out. Also my wife has been really kind and loving to me lately (rather then nagging...). I just opened up about my thoughts the same that were in this thread. She seemed quite receptive.

I'll keep updating this thread if I have any kind of epiphany. I feel like every couple years or so this happens to me in my life. At 19 I was a virgin with barely experience with women and then I just sort of clicked when I found this site and others and beat victim mentality. Years later met my current wife.

Now I'm sort of in a stage where my military contract is coming up and I know I don't wanna stay in but at the same time I feel obligated as a provider and a husband to keep my family above water...so I'm torn between two ideas: the responsible husband (I do want to have kids, conceiving is gonna take some time though) with the solid career and stable income or the guy who is going to not necessarily care about his salary but is going to love studying and doing a job he really enjoys (doing research in a lab concerning bodily hormones like Leptin etc...) but I'm taking a big pay cut and would have to do school for 4+ years again....

I have also thought to myself what kind of example would I set if I tell my future kids to go after there dreams and passions but I didn't take my own advice? Is it because my own advice simply doesn't reflect reality....or maybe I'm just not risky enough? I really don't know

 

[Tim Iron]

Daviddreamer, I suggest that you think deeply about the man you want to be and the things that you would like to achieve and get. Then maybe you should put it on paper. After that, keep brainstorming of all the things you can do to achieve them - put it in form of a plan. It would take time, but if you are moving towards your goal daily, you would feel a lot better.

 

[ray_zorse]

I would advise to take the big pay cut and (a) follow your dreams (b) be the guy who doesn't earn as much money but spends quality time with his wife and kids. Trouble is women absolutely hate this, they don't want you around all the time, they want complete freedom in their domain, they also want the status of having a great provider, nice apartment, late model car, private schools, no financial worries etc... naturally you also have to change the nappies (diapers), be home early to read to your kids, do half the housework, cook food and you aren't allowed to bring work home... cynical much? hahaha well I'm trying to point out that their goals for you are conflicting and confused, don't try to live up to them, just do what you wanna do as if you were single and have great strength of frame. You get one shot at life, don't let being marrird hold you back. I mean let's face it you're in this slump because adapting to married life right, thrill of the chase is gone, relationship management tools largely circumvented, you feel you have to live up to an ideal... not getting out and socializing enough, stuck in a provider role... shake it up bro.

cheers, Ray