Hi! First post ever on any PUA forum or the like, so I tried to think about most of it myself before asking others, but ultimately I need some advice. I also tried very hard to not just write a 'sob story' asking for how to proceed. I'd like to ask a few specific questions from knowledgable people in the field because up to now, I have had zero assurance in my approach, outside of the results.
The nitty-gritty is that I'm struggling to arrange a meet with this girl I'm chatting to on Facebook (yes, I know, but bear with me please).
I met her once at my university campus because she is friends with a few of my friends. Hence, the only reference she has of me (except terribly cringe worthy Facebook pictures and the like) is on that day - the importance of this is that I was actually cold-approaching other girls on the campus at the time. After I came back to my friend from an [unsuccessful] interaction, he told her that that was what I was doing. She seemed pretty interested in this fact, and gave suggestions to me like wearing my sunglasses. She then 'participated' in this exercise by pointing out some deemably attractive girls I should talk to. My response to most suggestions of attractive girls was that 'they're not attractive enough', primarily because I was intrigued by her instead.
Unfortunately, it just deteriorates from there, as at that stage of my journey I didn't have the skills to try and work something out in my head to get this girl, and basically let up the chance to try anything. My friend was interested in her at the time too, so I let it go. Afterwards, he told me not to pursue her. Fair enough, I thought, there are many more out there.
It's now approximately 2 months later, and my friend gave up on her (he doesn't practice 'game'). Through conversation, he suggested I try to get with her.
After adding her on Facebook, I knew that I needed to get in-person contact ASAP. That was always the primary objective. I asked if she remembered me and she correctly IDed me as that guy who was 'approaching girls on [campus]'. I affirmed that to her and said something about her being my next target or something... to which she replied that she was 'flattered because [she] remember[ed] my high standards'. I replied 'Damn straight =) ' and immediately tried to arrange a meet ('a coffee' specifically) after this. She then expressed regret and told me that she'd be heading out of the city for a total of 7 weeks, leaving the very next day. I sent a single message 5 weeks into her holiday, asking how the holiday is etc. with the complete objective being that she doesn't forget who I am when I resume the plight.
Needless to say, she's now 'back in town', but it's done. I am very certain she doesn't want to meet anymore (I presume the attraction window is shut completely) based simply on lack of reception of the messages. Specifically, I asked again to go out for a coffee meet-up, and this yielded a response that completely ignored the question. As in, I asked her how the holiday was and whatnot, in addition to the meet-up question, and she only answered the holiday question.
I thought about the issue, and decided it was no harm to just push again with some 'persistence'.
So, having basically a huge indicator of zero interest on her side, I blitzed a quick message starting my case simply saying that I know that we don't know each other well yet, but I've been told she's a 'cool person' and that I'd just like to meet her and see 'what's up'. She replied dryly saying something like: 'I guess we could meet. When are your uni breaks?'
I made a big error and stated any time in the coming days. I read JUST NOW on another post about how saying that you're available the whole time is bad, so I'm kicking myself about it...
Anyway she said 'I'll see if I have time at the end of the week maybe'. Which means 'no' - don't need to be told that.
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So if you've made it this far, I appreciate it, and hope that I didn't sound like the usual guy desperately seeking advice... I have many questions that I cannot confidently answer myself with what Chase and other fine writers have advised:
1) Is her experience with first meeting me at university approaching women in my favour or not? I seem to remember something written on this site before that it's not that bad, and I tried to effectively use this by hinting to her that I'm a confident guy who does this more than other people do, though when this happened, I was only just starting out, and I think I might have come off desperate in my pursuit that day...
2) Should I have messaged her more during the holidays? My approach of one 'reminder' message is premised on what (I presume) someone with abundance would do, where I didn't have time to be thinking about her (not true, but oh well).
3) Similar to 3: how are you meant to uphold / prolong an attraction window like that? The problem I believe was that we literally haven't had any flirtatious, personal encounter, so I should have known I was doomed from the start.
4) How do I proceed with this persistence approach that I've adopted with this girl? I still have no definite time of date of anything, and I amateurishly left her all the power in terms of scheduling and reply messages, ie. she won't reply at all. Should I reply back tomorrow, wait a few days, or what? How should I even phrase it, because my latest request was basically an 'all-in' in terms of emotion in this interaction. There's little more incentive for her that I can utilise to get her attention anymore.
5) Is it better to take an alternate approach? I just read these posts by Zphix in 'Best of Beginners Board' on the difficulties of Facebook and social websites, and I couldn't agree more: viewtopic.php?f=2&t=2249 , viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1868 and the only other way to contact this girl is by 'crashing' with no announcement my friend's soccer training where she'll also be training. Such a meet happening because I couldn't create a proper meet on campus would be bad at the best of times, but it'll be even worse with the added eyes of everyone else on the team, in which half of the players have affection towards her as well. First soccer training is next week. Should I drop the messages completely and just find her there (where ultimately, I'll have far better chances because once in person, I'll have a lot more learnt process to follow)?
-
Thank you if you have read to this point, and I do apologise for the length of this post... I find myself in a situation where I've been trying to learn these skills by myself for about 6 months, and the solitary journey can only go so far.
I guarantee that any replies I get here will include advice to just 'move on' etc. I agree with that, but I would like some feedback because I haven't had an opportunity to get feedback on any interactions I've had yet.
Any advice, especially if it is very critical advice telling me my approach was atrocious and all else is greatly appreciated!
I look forward to hopefully posting more here in coming months and years too!! For certain, this is a long term investment for me.
The nitty-gritty is that I'm struggling to arrange a meet with this girl I'm chatting to on Facebook (yes, I know, but bear with me please).
I met her once at my university campus because she is friends with a few of my friends. Hence, the only reference she has of me (except terribly cringe worthy Facebook pictures and the like) is on that day - the importance of this is that I was actually cold-approaching other girls on the campus at the time. After I came back to my friend from an [unsuccessful] interaction, he told her that that was what I was doing. She seemed pretty interested in this fact, and gave suggestions to me like wearing my sunglasses. She then 'participated' in this exercise by pointing out some deemably attractive girls I should talk to. My response to most suggestions of attractive girls was that 'they're not attractive enough', primarily because I was intrigued by her instead.
Unfortunately, it just deteriorates from there, as at that stage of my journey I didn't have the skills to try and work something out in my head to get this girl, and basically let up the chance to try anything. My friend was interested in her at the time too, so I let it go. Afterwards, he told me not to pursue her. Fair enough, I thought, there are many more out there.
It's now approximately 2 months later, and my friend gave up on her (he doesn't practice 'game'). Through conversation, he suggested I try to get with her.
After adding her on Facebook, I knew that I needed to get in-person contact ASAP. That was always the primary objective. I asked if she remembered me and she correctly IDed me as that guy who was 'approaching girls on [campus]'. I affirmed that to her and said something about her being my next target or something... to which she replied that she was 'flattered because [she] remember[ed] my high standards'. I replied 'Damn straight =) ' and immediately tried to arrange a meet ('a coffee' specifically) after this. She then expressed regret and told me that she'd be heading out of the city for a total of 7 weeks, leaving the very next day. I sent a single message 5 weeks into her holiday, asking how the holiday is etc. with the complete objective being that she doesn't forget who I am when I resume the plight.
Needless to say, she's now 'back in town', but it's done. I am very certain she doesn't want to meet anymore (I presume the attraction window is shut completely) based simply on lack of reception of the messages. Specifically, I asked again to go out for a coffee meet-up, and this yielded a response that completely ignored the question. As in, I asked her how the holiday was and whatnot, in addition to the meet-up question, and she only answered the holiday question.
I thought about the issue, and decided it was no harm to just push again with some 'persistence'.
So, having basically a huge indicator of zero interest on her side, I blitzed a quick message starting my case simply saying that I know that we don't know each other well yet, but I've been told she's a 'cool person' and that I'd just like to meet her and see 'what's up'. She replied dryly saying something like: 'I guess we could meet. When are your uni breaks?'
I made a big error and stated any time in the coming days. I read JUST NOW on another post about how saying that you're available the whole time is bad, so I'm kicking myself about it...
Anyway she said 'I'll see if I have time at the end of the week maybe'. Which means 'no' - don't need to be told that.
-
So if you've made it this far, I appreciate it, and hope that I didn't sound like the usual guy desperately seeking advice... I have many questions that I cannot confidently answer myself with what Chase and other fine writers have advised:
1) Is her experience with first meeting me at university approaching women in my favour or not? I seem to remember something written on this site before that it's not that bad, and I tried to effectively use this by hinting to her that I'm a confident guy who does this more than other people do, though when this happened, I was only just starting out, and I think I might have come off desperate in my pursuit that day...
2) Should I have messaged her more during the holidays? My approach of one 'reminder' message is premised on what (I presume) someone with abundance would do, where I didn't have time to be thinking about her (not true, but oh well).
3) Similar to 3: how are you meant to uphold / prolong an attraction window like that? The problem I believe was that we literally haven't had any flirtatious, personal encounter, so I should have known I was doomed from the start.
4) How do I proceed with this persistence approach that I've adopted with this girl? I still have no definite time of date of anything, and I amateurishly left her all the power in terms of scheduling and reply messages, ie. she won't reply at all. Should I reply back tomorrow, wait a few days, or what? How should I even phrase it, because my latest request was basically an 'all-in' in terms of emotion in this interaction. There's little more incentive for her that I can utilise to get her attention anymore.
5) Is it better to take an alternate approach? I just read these posts by Zphix in 'Best of Beginners Board' on the difficulties of Facebook and social websites, and I couldn't agree more: viewtopic.php?f=2&t=2249 , viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1868 and the only other way to contact this girl is by 'crashing' with no announcement my friend's soccer training where she'll also be training. Such a meet happening because I couldn't create a proper meet on campus would be bad at the best of times, but it'll be even worse with the added eyes of everyone else on the team, in which half of the players have affection towards her as well. First soccer training is next week. Should I drop the messages completely and just find her there (where ultimately, I'll have far better chances because once in person, I'll have a lot more learnt process to follow)?
-
Thank you if you have read to this point, and I do apologise for the length of this post... I find myself in a situation where I've been trying to learn these skills by myself for about 6 months, and the solitary journey can only go so far.
I guarantee that any replies I get here will include advice to just 'move on' etc. I agree with that, but I would like some feedback because I haven't had an opportunity to get feedback on any interactions I've had yet.
Any advice, especially if it is very critical advice telling me my approach was atrocious and all else is greatly appreciated!
I look forward to hopefully posting more here in coming months and years too!! For certain, this is a long term investment for me.
