Hell Period?

[Native]

For you guys who started as loners, geeks, or just alone kinda people. How do you learn to be social in your first few months of meeting women? Like, how does just approaching women, being nervous and having clear anxiety eventually hlep me be better with them?

 

[Mr.Rob]

How do you learn to be social in your first few months of meeting women? Like, how does just approaching women, being nervous and having clear anxiety eventually hlep me be better with them?

Faith.

You have to have massive faith that you can and will change. You have to have faith that you will get some positive feedback that will aid in reshaping your beliefs.

That is exactly what is going to happen. When you go out and approach, yes you're going to get a lot of feedback that you can judge as "undesirable" however you are also from time to time get amazingly good feedback that you've never gotten before, perhaps even results.

This will increase you faith that you can learn to become social and that perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hold on to these moments in your psyche like your life fucking depends on it. Remember the positive moments when you approached a girl and got a great reception or she complimented you or was glad you came to talk to her. Remember these moments when you get a string of bad days in a row of getting constantly rejected or uninterested girls/people because those moments are going to serve as the light at the end of the tunnel when the fog sets in.

You have to realize that nothing is guaranteed other than the fact that if you do nothing your situation will not improve.

Does the pain of pushing your social comfort zone and going through a massive amount of awkward interactions to hopefully get the dating life you want outweigh the very real pain of staying in your current situation?

What have you got to lose?

For me I was so fed up with my situation that I didn't see any other option than to learn social dynamics to lead to the life I wanted.

For me it was learn this shit or die. Not literally but mentally and spiritually.

Whats it gonna be champ?

Have faith.

What one man can do so can you.

No one is cut from a different cloth.

Good luck.

 

[Chase]

Native-

Also, start talking to everybody you meet in day-to-day life. Clerks, people waiting in line with you, people at the bus stop, train stop, people sitting next to you in the café, just small talk. Reconditions you to be a bit more gabby, a lot more friendly, and takes a big part of the scariest aspect of socializing away.

Then, when you talk to a pretty girl, it's only slightly scary, since you've been talking to so many other people, instead of REALLY scary like it is if you're trying to go from 0 to 60 walking around being a hermit and then suddenly you've got to leap into action and be Casanova.

Chase

 

[Sakeem87]

That is pretty much the same what I asked yesterday or something, I think depending what kind of nerd you are, that you need some other people, men as friends in your life.
Focus on this, this will benefit yourself in the future, instead of only meeting women.

PU is great, women also, but if you want to be happy and have a attractive lifestyle, you need some other people, thats what I think.

If you're working much and have some really interesting hobbies (for women) or something maybe it's fine too, but for me, is that, if you want to have healthy LTR or FB, you need some other people in your life, meaning social circle being good with other people, which nerds are often not so great at.

You can get girls also being a loner or only having other nerd friends, depending what kind of girl she is, but if you're a loner, I made the experience: that good girls without problems won't really stay with you for long, since their love other people and want to do some activities with you. Well many different kind of women out there.

 

[ray_zorse]

+1 Chase. This REALLY helped me a lot.

Some recommendations about conversation with new people (sales girl, barista, gas station clerk, your teacher at uni etc)... start small, like chitchat style. Example:

Me: I see your name is Anna, I'm Ray (smile, offer my hand)
(we shake)
Me: it doesn't seem that busy today
Her: no, it will pick up later on
Me: and how long have you been on for [asking about her schedule, something you always should do -- logistics]
Her: since early this morning, I could use a break haha.
Me: you are very good [qualifying her]. you enjoy this work? your colleagues, kind? flexible hours? [suggesting an answer to my question, something you always should do -- makes it easier for her, keeps your brain one step ahead, makes you seem more engaged, because you ARE]
Her: yeah it's not too bad, I can't work mornings so it's good to have some flexibility
Me: taking kids to school, etc? [a cold read based on her age, schedule, and fact she's wearing a wedding ring]
Her: actually no, my kids are teenagers so they get themselves to school. I have to care for my sick mother until the respite workers arrive at midday [aha, we have some solid information to work with now]
Me: it's so important to give back to your parents when they need you. you are very good [more qualification].
... blah blah blah, I don't need to continue this example because you can easily see how many directions it can go from here... does she have brothers and sisters living in the area, how old was she when she decided to have children, etc etc

Leading in with a compliment also helps mightily, but I understand this may take confidence you don't have yet.

Good luck. Congrats on starting your journey.

Ray