Hey guys. i'll try to wrap this up as briefly as i can.
I got dumped by a long term GF (1.5 years) a few days ago - right before christmas (lovely present, huh!). I'm 24 and before this girl i used to be a frequent reader of this web and i even though i know a few things about dating, i still consider myself to be somewhat of a beginner (my goal never was to became a pick up master or anything like that, rather simply being able to pick up a girl i like and to find a satisfying relationship - as do many guys here anway i think).
A bit of background: i have a pretty clear vision what went wrong. I'm not going to bore you with a lot of details. Basically, we were living together for the most of our time, we even worked together in the same company. We simply grew tired of each other with time and after some time we were just fed up with each other, sex became boring, the spark and the chemistry were gone, i think most of you know this situation. I was stupidly enough trying to save it until the very last moment of it while she had no interest in that whasoever and it was her who ended it. I don't (at least consciously) want her back at this point. What sucks at my situation is that i grew way too comfy in the relationship position. I don't think i love her anymore, i think i was more in love with being in a relationship than with her. I did love her a lot at some point though. She had many flaws and i am well aware of them. It hit me pretty damn hard anyway, perhaps because of this festive season, perhaps because i am a (sometimes perhaps too much) sensitive guy. I simply for some reason always prefered being in a relationship to being single with casual flings, fwb etc. I have decided i am going to make the best out of being single nevertheless. A few years ago i went through a horrible (much worse) breakup that i thought is going to kill me and it turned out to be one of the best things to happen to me. So oddly enough, despite being in an emotional dump right now i am looking forward to the upcoming months to some extent. I am fully determined to work my way through this dump and i am willing to do everything within my power for it.
My situation right now: I've read a plenty of various advices - start fucking around, its the best way through it (Ricardus' article), wait a bit with fucking other girls because it will make you more miserable (plenty other ones). The thing is that I feel i forgot absolutely everything. I had the chance to talk to a few new girls (without any intentions/expectations or anything, just a little talk) but i simply felt numb. I was ofcourse able to chat a bit, start a conversation, but i'm almost sure i came out boring and uninteresting, because there's just a thick layer of dust over these skills of mine and still a huge shadow over my mind and that just left me even more frustrated. I can always re-learn the techniques and the practical stuff, but I still feel sad and a lot down because of my recent break up and it's fucking up my game more than anything, im simply not okay and i feel a big part of it is being afraid of still being able to get myself back there and start dating new chicks (yay, all the hail to the old demons resurfacing after a breakup with long term gf...). My question is - should i force myself into this? The fake it till you make it strategy? Should i throw myself into the water and force to swim? Quite frankly i just dont feel like going to clubs or parties right now. On one hand i feel that i just need to take a few weeks, perhaps a month or two long break and get my life together. On the other hand, this is just such a crucial part of a man's life that i just feel the constant need of polishing these skills and mindsets. I feel the urge to get there and start being awesome once again, but i just cant. I know myself, right now all the attempts will come out as needy and will push me even further back. And than again, if i decide to stay out of it for a bit longer i will feel like i'm giving up and staying behind which is going to frustrate me aswell. I don't want to become sour and stale like many of my guy friends who simply gave up on women and dating after a difficult breakup. I feel if i managed to start fucking some girl i'd end up in a shitty rebound relationship, yet i feel like im just not able to sit back not do anything about women. So how the fuck do i get through this Catch XXII?
I think that, at least to some extent i can see a wider perspective of this. I will be okay and back in the game and its going to give me even more inner strenght. And i am aware of it. I have been in this kind of situtation before. I am just trying to make the dump i am in right now a bit less painful. And perhaps i am trying to find a way around things that dont have a way around.
I got dumped by a long term GF (1.5 years) a few days ago - right before christmas (lovely present, huh!). I'm 24 and before this girl i used to be a frequent reader of this web and i even though i know a few things about dating, i still consider myself to be somewhat of a beginner (my goal never was to became a pick up master or anything like that, rather simply being able to pick up a girl i like and to find a satisfying relationship - as do many guys here anway i think).
A bit of background: i have a pretty clear vision what went wrong. I'm not going to bore you with a lot of details. Basically, we were living together for the most of our time, we even worked together in the same company. We simply grew tired of each other with time and after some time we were just fed up with each other, sex became boring, the spark and the chemistry were gone, i think most of you know this situation. I was stupidly enough trying to save it until the very last moment of it while she had no interest in that whasoever and it was her who ended it. I don't (at least consciously) want her back at this point. What sucks at my situation is that i grew way too comfy in the relationship position. I don't think i love her anymore, i think i was more in love with being in a relationship than with her. I did love her a lot at some point though. She had many flaws and i am well aware of them. It hit me pretty damn hard anyway, perhaps because of this festive season, perhaps because i am a (sometimes perhaps too much) sensitive guy. I simply for some reason always prefered being in a relationship to being single with casual flings, fwb etc. I have decided i am going to make the best out of being single nevertheless. A few years ago i went through a horrible (much worse) breakup that i thought is going to kill me and it turned out to be one of the best things to happen to me. So oddly enough, despite being in an emotional dump right now i am looking forward to the upcoming months to some extent. I am fully determined to work my way through this dump and i am willing to do everything within my power for it.
My situation right now: I've read a plenty of various advices - start fucking around, its the best way through it (Ricardus' article), wait a bit with fucking other girls because it will make you more miserable (plenty other ones). The thing is that I feel i forgot absolutely everything. I had the chance to talk to a few new girls (without any intentions/expectations or anything, just a little talk) but i simply felt numb. I was ofcourse able to chat a bit, start a conversation, but i'm almost sure i came out boring and uninteresting, because there's just a thick layer of dust over these skills of mine and still a huge shadow over my mind and that just left me even more frustrated. I can always re-learn the techniques and the practical stuff, but I still feel sad and a lot down because of my recent break up and it's fucking up my game more than anything, im simply not okay and i feel a big part of it is being afraid of still being able to get myself back there and start dating new chicks (yay, all the hail to the old demons resurfacing after a breakup with long term gf...). My question is - should i force myself into this? The fake it till you make it strategy? Should i throw myself into the water and force to swim? Quite frankly i just dont feel like going to clubs or parties right now. On one hand i feel that i just need to take a few weeks, perhaps a month or two long break and get my life together. On the other hand, this is just such a crucial part of a man's life that i just feel the constant need of polishing these skills and mindsets. I feel the urge to get there and start being awesome once again, but i just cant. I know myself, right now all the attempts will come out as needy and will push me even further back. And than again, if i decide to stay out of it for a bit longer i will feel like i'm giving up and staying behind which is going to frustrate me aswell. I don't want to become sour and stale like many of my guy friends who simply gave up on women and dating after a difficult breakup. I feel if i managed to start fucking some girl i'd end up in a shitty rebound relationship, yet i feel like im just not able to sit back not do anything about women. So how the fuck do i get through this Catch XXII?
I think that, at least to some extent i can see a wider perspective of this. I will be okay and back in the game and its going to give me even more inner strenght. And i am aware of it. I have been in this kind of situtation before. I am just trying to make the dump i am in right now a bit less painful. And perhaps i am trying to find a way around things that dont have a way around.
