Help a Friend

[Smurf]

So my friend just got broken up with by his girlfriend of one and a half years, and he's going through a tough time obviously. The problem is I feel like this girl is bad for him at this point and he still has feelings for her. Why: his ex says she wants to try dating other people and then maybe get back together with him. Also, when they broke up right afterwards they had sex, and they still talk even though they broke up days ago. I felt like he should cut contact but some of my other friends wasn't him to write her a long letter/text stating how he feels which I know is too supplicating and white knight ish. He wants her back is possible big I feel like she's using him for a friend with benefits position, but I don't think that's what he wants. He says sex means a lot to him so I don't want him to be stuck with that option.

Any insight into this would be great, I can provide more info if needed.

Jake.

 

[Franco]

Jake,

There's probably not much you can do here to convince your friend that this isn't a good situation for him. I've seen many guys go through a phase like this, and without an abundance mentality, they'll hold on to the rope as long as they possibly can, even though the girl is dragging them along the rough, jagged dirt road. All you can probably do is be there for him when everything crashes and burns because, when a girl leaves you like this, it almost always means she has no interest in actually being with you again.

If you want, you can try to re-frame his thinking about the situation. You can tell him, "hey dude, so you're technically single now! You should come out with me and hit on some girls! Why only settle for your ex when she's probably seeing other guys at the same time too?" This may not work for a lot of guys as they get way too infatuated with their ex and the chase, but you might be able to get him to sleep with some new girls in the meantime so that it softens the blow when his ex finally cuts ties completely (or stops having sex with him, whichever comes first).

- Franco