Help Getting her back

[mrgloomy]

Hello guys I'm new here I have however read a few articles on girlschase.com I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right place. Anyway to my problem
I have been dating a girl for 1 year and 4 months, she is a great person and she always treated me with a lot of love and respect. I wasn't a very lovely person I am a really cold person and very few times I said cute stuff to her but we were always together she was at my house most of the time and I was at hers too. However in the past month things started to change with my new job that is taking up a lot of my time and I stopped seeing her as much as before I did come see her after work sometimes but not enough. I also stopped texting her as I should've but a lot of times it was just me being tired and falling asleep without getting to reply to her.
This past sunday she broke up with me saying she needed time and gave very little to no explanation on why. She told me I had not been there for her lately thats how I came to the conclusion above and I think she is right. I tried to give her time but I called her a few times and went to see here twice already, did I do wrong by going to see her?
She was also in school and I think that in there she has been talking to other guys and stuff and she did something, I don't think she slept with anyone because i'm almost certain she is not like that. The last time I talked to her she blamed herself for everything and she is trying to keep me away from her saying she needs time.
I want to keep seeing her and show her that she is my everything and that I will change my bad behaviors with her.
Did I do wrong by going to see her a couple of times and trying to talk to her??
was it by to call her a lot?
What should I now I said I was gonna give her time and wait, but I really want to be with her and keep seeing her?

 

[ray_zorse]

Oh dude well you can see it from her point of view, part of your mistake might have been allowing her to get too close, like seeing each other every day and stuff, obviously when this doesn't continue she'll see it as a backward step and the beginning of the end of the relationship... you could have kept yourself a little more flexibility by seeing her only once or twice a week say. (I have a similar problem on my hands with my current gf, have been seeing her twice a week but we talk on the phone nearly every day, so I'll have to keep that up, or she'll feel that things have gone backwards).

Having said all that, clear communication is obviously key, I mean you acknowledge you were cold to her and I presume this means that when she was feeling neglected you didn't try to explain or whatever... probably you didn't realize she was important to you until she wasn't there, and that's a real big problem because, as a seducer you have to manage things better... for instance you have to reward her for the good things she does (including just hanging out with you) and so when you start to take her for granted, or take the good things she does for granted, then it will be difficult to reward her correctly.

So basically when a girl has a problem and you feel it's a legitimate complaint what you have to do is sit down and try to work things out with her, being firm but reasonable... in this case explaining about your new job and that you would like to be hanging out with her but you cannot, what you need to do is get your work done as quickly as possible and without interruptions so that you can then spend your leisure time with her. She should be okay with this if it is clearly communicated and reinforced constantly -- you may have had an attainability problem by not reinforcing that she's important to you, causing her to auto reject.

It's probably too late to do anything now, you have to salvage things before she auto rejects. In retrospect I am sure you can see the signs that things were going bad, even if you didn't take them seriously / didn't act at the time (or took her for granted and felt you wouldn't care that much if she did auto reject).

But if you are going to try to take a girl out of auto rejection, then you need lots of attainability and also some value. Problem is that going to see her several times, was a + attainability, - value move... you reinforced that she was important to you (good) but also came off as chasey and reversed your frame (bad).

So you need to try to communicate to her that she's important to you, without chasing... which is going to be difficult or impossible, since it appears she's hardly communicating with you now. You also need to get your value back, and the only realistic way of doing that at the moment is through preselection. I.e. she sees you laughing and flirting with other girls, and having a good time. So go and approach some more girls and see if you can get over this breakup, since that would be (a) the best thing you could do for yourself and (b) the best thing you could do towards getting her back eventually, even though that's unlikely.

Chances are, you're operating from scarcity... you probably didn't love her as much as you now think you do, you're just lonely. Getting a new gf will fix that up.

Ray

 

[mrgloomy]

I always loved her I think I just got lazy and maybe too confident about her feelings for me I do akwnoledge my mistakes and like I said before I want to fix them. I know most of it is my fault but she did something that she regrets and thinks that she doesn't deserve me which is not right. She is guilty of something I really don't know exactly what she did but I don't really care about it because I know her and I'm sure is not that big of a deal like she thinks.
Having said that my friend talked to her and my friend thinks she still has feelings for me and that I do need to get her black.
Like you said I did probably came off as chasy and a little pushy but I really wanted to show her that what I said about changing is true however after the last time I saw her I have decided to give her time and not see her anymore which might be better for her but I still don't like that idea.
However the times I went to see her I did buy her flowers and I could see in her face that she was happy that I was there to see her and that I was trying however she kept saying she doesn't deserve me.
I think the problem is she a lot of guilt for what she did which was caused by my lack of interest which I understand so I don't know if she will ever overcome that.
Thank you for your reply

 

[mrgloomy]

Well after looking at the article you linked it does sound I'm in the worst situation I can be in I don however think that my situation is a little different than in he article because I think she still has feelings for me, like I said before it's more her guilt for whatever she did.
Like I said she did seemed happy to see me standing by her door trying to fix things but still nothing was fixed and she has a lot on her mind.
On the other hand I have decided to not bother her anymore and focus on my job and school for now, I did tell her I was gonna wait until she cleared everything on her mind but of course I can't wait forever. I will keep going and see what's out there.
Thanks for the reply and support.