Help me rock a first date again?

[Estate]

Hey guys,

I think I need to be honest with myself here and admit I've "lost" a little. I was "seeing" someone for several months and it seemed to be going somewhere, I really wasn't meeting or dating anyone else for a while.

Anyway... back in the game, as they say. I went on my first date earlier this evening since all of the above and I won't BS anyone. It bombed. Now, I don't think it was ALL me. From the second we met she didn't seem very into it. Acting a little standoffish and bringing up all the other dates she's had lately. I had previously probably qualified and filtered out such women a lot more before as they come off as the type of just be "dating around" and just seem to require way too much work to win them over if they are entering dates just looking for someone to buy them drinks/diners.

Anyway... having said all that. I felt like there was a snooze button on the back of my head that someone had hit which I couldn't switch off. We weren't clicking at all. I've played these situations MUCH better in the past but this time was my first time out in a while and the idea of "winning her over" just wasn't doing it for me.

Ok... so....
Guys of GC, moral support? Or even better, best resources to help me knock first dates out of the park again?

Besides this girl I have 3 other girls on the line to set up dates with. I'll probably do 1 or 2 this week. I just need to get my head in the game.
I think my conversation was just lacking. I needed to lead it but wasn't in the mood. I wanted to get her talking and take points from that but for some reason it wasn't happening, by the end I was feeling a little awkward. I haven't really felt that in a long time but I guess the time away made it creep back in.

 

[ProblemSolving]

Hey Estate,

I'm assuming this was a date you met online?

From the second we met she didn't seem very into it.

Usually girls whom you have already met in person, like in a cold approach, are already fairly warm to your presence on the date.

First impressions are HUGE for online dates because all she has to go on is a few pictures and some text. She'll often make a snap decision whether you're in or out in the first 5 seconds of the date. Usually when a girl acts closed off upon meeting you for a date, it was because you looked different from what she expected OR she has already auto-rejected because she thinks she won't be able to land you for a boyfriend. Here are some things you can do to increase your odds of being "in" instead of "out":

- Wear the same or similar clothes as your profile pictures. Also, style your hair the same.
- WARM greeting. You want to make her feel like you've known each other for ages. Warm smile when you first see her. When you go in for the greeting hug (usually they expect this), squeeze her hard and pick her up. They love it! It's a very masculine move and makes her feel very feminine which is what they want. This communicates that you DO like the looks of the real her, so she can take her finger off the auto-reject button.
- Once she's warmed up a bit, get your touch on. Touch is so much more powerful than words. It establishes trust, comfort, AND arousal, more effectively and efficiently than any words could manage

Finally, keep in mind that the dates from online, like everything else from online game, will be flakier.

 

[Drck]

At first I thought you've stolen my words with the other article, "If she likes you, she'll make it easy for you", but then I looked and it was probably written before I even join the GC boards...

It is a really good article, and I would stick to it, there is lots of truth in in. Why bother with girls that are not too much into you, maybe not at all? There is no clicking, there is no vibes, she's not helping you with anything... So why would you keep trying to win her over? You are who you are, don't change because of that girl, don't pretend that you are a different person, don't be needy to sleep with every good looking girl you talk to...

Keep it simple: It is her, it's not you. Finish your coffee, it was a great date, good to meet you - Next!

 

[Estate]

Yeah, I don't know really... feeling like I lost some mojo.

It wasn't an online date. i really quit that a long time ago. If you just want to get laid consistently i guess its a good tool but it's just not for me anymore. I won't go on about the reasons.

Drck, yeah that's pretty much how the date went. She was cute but she just wasn't pleasant. To be honest it even came off rude at times. I finished up my drink and we left it at that. I just remained pleasant and said "Well... nice to meet you..." and went on my way.
Having said that, I've had those dates before, I've met those girls, you brush them off... but I think my first date back out in the field, this just wasn't what I needed.

I'm finding it difficult to meet people. Well, quality people.
Without trying to make excuses... obviously the New England weather has been brutal. They're coming out doors again but.. yeah.
2nd is my age. I just hit 30. It only hit me a couple months in. I don't feel older but it seems to get this "Ohhh..." reaction when people ask how old I am.... and the amount of women I've approached or met only to suddenly spot a wedding ring... it's frustrating.
Worse than that... In my mind I feel 21... suddenly I'm meeting divorcees and girls with kids. Nothing wrong with that, it just feels like I'm sooo far out from most of the guys here now. No issue with someone divorced or with kids but honestly.. I'm not here to be a dad. I'm not gonna waste there time or mine.

Frsutrating start to the year is an understatement.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Estate,

Yeah man, sometimes it just takes time. I was out of the game for 3 months, and it took me 2 months to catch up entirely.

Honestly, just keep going on dates, and you're going to remember "oh yeah, THAT's what I was doing before! Let me do that again", and after a few times of that, you'll be back where you were before.

Just be patient, and keep chugging

~Nick

 

[Estate]

Thanks,
So I went on the 2nd of those dates last night. It was a heck of a lot better than the first but still some rust.

I got my head in the game a little more as they say. So on the surface it felt a lot better. Dare I say it felt good since we were laughing and joking the whole way through it but in the end she wasn't so I to me.
That part was frustrating. The whole thing felt good... like an actual good time but it didn't seem like she was into me when we came to part ways on the end of the night. I don't really know what to make of all that.
Maybe I need to work on building connections. I felt like I did but it was probably all to "nice".

Haha this kinda sucks. In general this all feels like more of a chore than fun. I do T have the time or capacity to go out focusing on loads of women right now, quite a lot else going on in life right now. Being a little more stable with one person for a while was quite nice. Think I'm just reaching a point in my life where late nights and chasing women dominantin my time just isn't right for me, but no other way than to do it.