FU Her: “I’m boring”

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

Had to think of a catchy title, you’ll get the meaning of it by the time your done reading

So met this girl on campus, cold approach:

(me with my friend)

“damn she’s hot” (walks past us)

“I’ll be back”

friend: okay I’ll be waiting here

(I run to catch up with her)

Her: 30yr old slender fit Chinese woman

my approach was positive, high energy, and assertive

I’m starting to think if you don’t have these elements, you won’t a girl to trust you (trust + attraction = number)

these traits also make you more attractive, so it’s all connected.

anyways got her number, I think something that was key in getting the number:

we started talking about fitness and she saw how passionate I was with my fitness goals, and I think that sparked her interest

btw ass looking dummy in that tight dress

texting;
Pretty basic, I did capitalize on a high note though

she gave me a compliment and before the window closed I asked her out. That was her indicator of interest

but what was off was:

before the date the day of, she said we should meet at a slightly later time and meet somewhere close by campus instead of on campus bc she needed to get her phone fixed there

i was suspicious: “Is she trying to test my dominance?”

but I judged this was genuine so I just went along with it

when we meet up at giant (the new locatio)

She won’t hug as a greeting, so we shook hands instead

nice small talk in giant, I tried to find a healthy snack but there wasn’t one, so just left w her

tapping her shoulder while talking, in car tapped her leg a bit when making a point while driving

when we got to coffee shop

she started to give me horny signals while I was waiting for my coffee (head tilts with fuck me eyes)

i thought “this is an escalation window”

but my ocd was like “you gotta follow the date plan” plus I didn’t want to be a dick and leave without my coffee

hindsight is 20/20 should’ve just been a dick to the barista and left with out my coffee and gotten the lay

anyways my coffee comes, she goes to the bathroom before we leave, we decide to go to the mall next

now she is fr trying to control shit, like being like oh let’s go here but then once we get there, no I want to eat here instead

I still can’t tell if this is just her asserting herself abt preferences or of this is just a way to grab control

she’s also saying oh we have to leave soon my class is starting soon

really pressing me abt the time, so I drive her back to her home

in the car I was able to rest my hand on her thigh, but I feel I was already fucked at that point escalation didn’t mean much

no text back after the date

I really like I lost this one bc:

1. always going with the flow and whatever she wanted to do (there were some instances I left out)

2. missing an escalation window

oh and yeah the title: she kept calling herself boring and I was trying to tell her it wasn’t true but I’m reality FUCK she was boring, I just wanted the lay. But fr it was like talking to a wet peice of paper

and that brings me to my next thing;

because she was so bland I couldn’t form a connection with her, there was no emotion in being with her, most women I can get to their emotions and stimulate them, but this girl I didn’t even want to talk to I just wanted to tap dat ass

so:

arousal: not strong enough. One time when we were walking into the mall, I wrapped my hand around her waist and asked her if she was comfortable with that and that basically like giving a girl a podium to speak on and just make a generic anti slut defense statement like “I’m very conservative we’re not in a relationship yet”. And I just was pussy with it and was like okay. I feel like I walked on eggshells Witt her bc recently in my phase of development I’m learning how to calibrate touch and when to hold back and I basically bubble wrapped prolly could’ve benefited from me taking more action and arousing her a bit

compliance: basically lost a lot of compliance whenever I let her do whatever she wanted and not what I wanted, many opportunities of letting her lead when i should’ve led

similarity: bro Jimmy Fallon couldn’t have her on his show and get her to feel emotion. I mean she would make small smiles or small laughs but that’s abt it. And connecting is important to similarity. I mean sure we talked a lot and I learned stuff abt her but we didn’t really connect on anything she is so different from me, I guess a good seducer would know how to draw it out of her but I can only connect with a majority of people, that excludes whoever that minority is

alll in all the date was what I’d imagine a conservative Chinese couple is like after they’ve been married for 50 years, dry boring and composed

 

[rockstar]

oh and yeah the title: she kept calling herself boring and I was trying to tell her it wasn’t true but I’m reality FUCK she was boring, I just wanted the lay. But fr it was like talking to a wet peice of paper

"You know, when we were at the coffee shop, even though you seemed a little boring to talk to, I honestly thought you seemed like you had a much more interesting personality and perspective on the inside. But now I just feel Iike I've been having a conversation with an AI assistant all afternoon instead of a real person"

You gotta snap her out that mask she had on the whole date. And you need to lead to do that, not follow her (which you already know).

You know you're weren't getting a second date continuing down the same road, so might as well just experiment and throw shit at the wall, even if it blows it up. Call out the frame and challenge her

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

"You know, when we were at the coffee shop, even though you seemed a little boring to talk to, I honestly thought you seemed like you had a much more interesting personality and perspective on the inside. But now I just feel Iike I've been having a conversation with an AI assistant all afternoon instead of a real person"

You gotta snap her out that mask she had on the whole date. And you need to lead to do that, not follow her (which you already know).

You know you're weren't getting a second date continuing down the same road, so might as well just experiment and throw shit at the wall, even if it blows it up. Call out the frame and challenge her

@rockstar That's a great idea, I forgot ball busting works to get out of bad frames.

I'll send her that.

But for next time, how would you say something like that in-date to get her to snap out of her societal mask without sounding like you're upset?

I'd imagine you would say it with flirty-amused yet serious at some points vocal tonality while maintaining strong eye contact with her

But what do you think?

 

[rockstar]

@rockstar That's a great idea, I forgot ball busting works to get out of bad frames.

I'll send her that.

But for next time, how would you say something like that in-date to get her to snap out of her societal mask without sounding like you're upset?

I'd imagine you would say it with flirty-amused yet serious at some points vocal tonality while maintaining strong eye contact with her

But what do you think?

No, you should say that in a serious and genuine way. You want that to strip validation and get her to be real with you and explain herself. Using this also really depends on the vibe of the conversation which I don't really know.

But you should be doing flirty ball-busting teasing well before you try something like this. I see frame callouts like this as more of a last resort when the girl is behaving in a way you don't like and nothing else is working. Then you just explicitly surface the underlying frame/vibe. The idea here is "What's going on - I'm being fun and attractive and trying to connect with you, but you're just being stiff and logical and distant". Which is how I interpreted your post - I'm not exactly sure if that is how you felt the interaction was going.

If she feels like you are following her lead, you need to fix that first (ideally, you don't make that mistake - prevention is always way easier than cure). If she doesn't respect you, the frame callout isn't going to work or is just going to solidify her view of you not being man enough.

Tbh, if she was raised in China, I don't see this working well on that type of girl. I think your bigger takeaway here should probably be to lead better and be more decisive

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

No, you should say that in a serious and genuine way. You want that to strip validation and get her to be real with you and explain herself. Using this also really depends on the vibe of the conversation which I don't really know.

But you should be doing flirty ball-busting teasing well before you try something like this. I see frame callouts like this as more of a last resort when the girl is behaving in a way you don't like and nothing else is working. Then you just explicitly surface the underlying frame/vibe. The idea here is "What's going on - I'm being fun and attractive and trying to connect with you, but you're just being stiff and logical and distant". Which is how I interpreted your post - I'm not exactly sure if that is how you felt the interaction was going.

If she feels like you are following her lead, you need to fix that first (ideally, you don't make that mistake - prevention is always way easier than cure). If she doesn't respect you, the frame callout isn't going to work or is just going to solidify her view of you not being man enough.

Tbh, if she was raised in China, I don't see this working well on that type of girl. I think your bigger takeaway here should probably be to lead better and be more decisive

Thank you, this was really helpful.

I think me trying to use less touch bc I usually use too much touch

also caused my mindset to change from “I’m biggus dickus lemme slang dick” to “I’m only going to do what makes the girl comfortable”, which allowed me to let her lead.

It’s always a balance and that’s what makes it so difficult when first learning

but I’ve learned you gotta go through this to realize that and then that makes you shift and now you go through something new

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

bc you can make her comfortable where she starts to trust you and then you can start upping arousal

or you can make her TOO comfortable where more she’s like “he’s a nice guy, him touching me doesn’t arouse me”

 

[rockstar]

Yeah, I don't even think comfort is usually a useful thing to focus on. It's easy for guys to end up being way too passive and attainable when they think "comfort".

If you really feel like you need more comfort, then show things like

- Being caring and protective of family, pets, etc
- Emotional intelligence, reading her well, being very in-tune to her state
- Similarity. Feeling like you share viewpoints and values
- Consistency/congruence. Keep showing value in congruent ways so she can trust you are high-value.
- Trustworthiness. Don't do dumb things like being pushy on rejection/non-compliance, pulling under false pretenses (like telling a girl you're taking her to another bar, then taking her to your house when she's not ready for that), etc.

One time when we were walking into the mall, I wrapped my hand around her waist and asked her if she was comfortable with that and that basically like giving a girl a podium to speak on and just make a generic anti slut defense statement like “I’m very conservative we’re not in a relationship yet”. And I just was pussy with it and was like okay.

But asking something like this is usually not useful. I could give caveats, but you're generally going to be just fine if you just read body language and make small compliance steps, and never ask things like this.