- Joined
- Jun 18, 2019
- Messages
- 37
Another FU, and another learning experience. This one is painful, and I know what I did wrong, but to instill the lesson in myself, and for anyone else who might learn from it, here it is.
I'm on hinge and I have been on the edge of deleting it for the last few weeks. My pictures suck, and since I moved back home, there isn't great traffic on it anyway. I end up liking this girl and she likes me back pretty quickly. Her profile is very plain, but she looks gorgeous. I message her something about how mysterious she is and then we get a good back and forth going. I tell her to text me. She does. And I immediately delete my hinge after this. I find you only get these kinds of matches once every couple months if you have a mediocre profile like mine. Just from her messages too, I can tell it's pretty likely to turn into a date. We go back and forth nothing to fancy. It turns out she works for a law firm as a paralegal and I know one of the partners. I tell her the story about this and hope to get some social proof out of it. She is very active over text and tries to keep the conversation going. I shut it down because I don't really want to waste time texting a girl, especially one who I haven't even seen in real life. I end up having to put her off for a week or two because I have a lot of school work and interviews. I shoot her a text after the dead air and we plan a date for Saturday night. Logistically, I plan it in my town at a bar I know. She works at the law firm in this town but she has to drive like 30 minutes to get here. The drive is less than ten minutes for me. I take this as a really good indicator that she wants something to happen.
I won't make this report too lengthy, but she shows up and she is way hotter than I thought. I expect to be disappointed on online dating, but sometimes you get lucky (until you fuck up). She is 26, same age as me, she has a five-year-old daughter. I talk to her for awhile deep dive her, I am pretty relaxed and think I'm doing a pretty good job flirting and what not. For those who read my last report about the girl I met at the mall, she is similar in attractiveness and personality. This puts me at ease a bit because I know I have had success with this type and caliber of girl before. As far as the type of girl she is, she is the same as the mall girl, pretty stoic and doesn't give too much off. She also is pretty boring, I mean she has a kid so I can't hold it against her that she hasn't had the time to do all the things I have been fortunate enough to do, but she is boring. Or maybe its we just don't have anything in common.
Throughout the conversation I find it really hard to find a wrung to grab onto. What I mean is I find it really hard to get into a conversation topic and really get into commonalities and that man-to-woman moment when the outside world goes away. I had this same issue with the mall girl though, so I knew it was still possible. She doesn't like sushi, star wars, music, the outdoors, or pretty much anything I seem to like. She doesn't even seem to know that much about law as a paralegal. We do share a mutual boredom towards sports though. I figure this is more just this type of girl, she isn't overly deep or anything so don't expect to build a strong emotional connection. I deep dived her though and got her talking and I showed a lot of value as a soon to be lawyer in a cool and calibrated way I think. So here comes the FU.
So there isn't a lot of huge IOIs going on. But she is asking questions keeping the conversation going, she hasn't rushed through her drink, and when I have lightly touched her arm for a moment a few times she hasn't seemed against it. I can't remember the first big DTF question she asked me but it might have been about my living situation. I tell her I live with my dad. She then asks me what he is up to tonight. I tell her he is working. At a point not too long after she asked me what I was up to tonight. I told her I had just bought two new records and I was going to go listen to them. I told her she was welcome to join if she was up for it. She responded that she doesn't want to stay out too late because her parents are babysitting her daughter. "Next time though", she says. Me being the lord of the idiots that I am, even after having Chase give me advice previously on one of my posts about "Next time", immediately fell into the "no worries" mindset. To play devil's advocate for myself, it was an objection that I took as serious and I thought it would be somewhat rude to object. I mean the girl has a kid and she doesn't want to be out late and leave the kid with the parents. That being said, I OBVIOUSLY should have went with something like. "Of course you won't be out too late, I'll pay the check now and we can go get you another diet coke at my place, it's two minutes down the road. The record player is pretty classy." If I objected once or twice to her objection it would have been cool and calibrated and very likely could have worked. She was an experienced hot girl though, this test was subtle and I failed it. She wanted me but I fucked up at this very subtle shit test.
I fell into the frame of I'll go for it on the second date. I figured logistics would be better then too. I wouldn't have to deal with my dad at all and could just go to her place. I've been dating a girl consistently my dad has met so it would have just been annoying to deal with. That, and when I brought another like 6.75 from hinge home before my current "girlfriend", he got all bitchy about how I am going to give him covid and kill him because he has an autoimmune disorder. I didn't go for any kind of kiss close because I thought that would leave her room to chase. I just quickly ended the interaction with a brief hug outside. Of course I texted her the next day and got no response. She had previously been responding a lot and quickly. She opened an escalation window in a context I had not yet experienced. I had previously learned about an escalation window during the course of already making out, but I didn't realize this was an escalation window that had to be jumped through by overcoming an objection. I didn't go through this window and I lost the girl.
On a positive note, I have two decent dates I think will go through this weekend with girls from cold approach. Not as hot as this one, but they are college girls and still seemed to be eights if I remember correctly. The lesson I learned is always be moving the seduction forward and overcome objections. I will be doing that with these girls this weekend and hope to have something positive to report to all of you.
Also, I am pretty sure I am the George Costanza of this forum with all my FU reports
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I'm on hinge and I have been on the edge of deleting it for the last few weeks. My pictures suck, and since I moved back home, there isn't great traffic on it anyway. I end up liking this girl and she likes me back pretty quickly. Her profile is very plain, but she looks gorgeous. I message her something about how mysterious she is and then we get a good back and forth going. I tell her to text me. She does. And I immediately delete my hinge after this. I find you only get these kinds of matches once every couple months if you have a mediocre profile like mine. Just from her messages too, I can tell it's pretty likely to turn into a date. We go back and forth nothing to fancy. It turns out she works for a law firm as a paralegal and I know one of the partners. I tell her the story about this and hope to get some social proof out of it. She is very active over text and tries to keep the conversation going. I shut it down because I don't really want to waste time texting a girl, especially one who I haven't even seen in real life. I end up having to put her off for a week or two because I have a lot of school work and interviews. I shoot her a text after the dead air and we plan a date for Saturday night. Logistically, I plan it in my town at a bar I know. She works at the law firm in this town but she has to drive like 30 minutes to get here. The drive is less than ten minutes for me. I take this as a really good indicator that she wants something to happen.
I won't make this report too lengthy, but she shows up and she is way hotter than I thought. I expect to be disappointed on online dating, but sometimes you get lucky (until you fuck up). She is 26, same age as me, she has a five-year-old daughter. I talk to her for awhile deep dive her, I am pretty relaxed and think I'm doing a pretty good job flirting and what not. For those who read my last report about the girl I met at the mall, she is similar in attractiveness and personality. This puts me at ease a bit because I know I have had success with this type and caliber of girl before. As far as the type of girl she is, she is the same as the mall girl, pretty stoic and doesn't give too much off. She also is pretty boring, I mean she has a kid so I can't hold it against her that she hasn't had the time to do all the things I have been fortunate enough to do, but she is boring. Or maybe its we just don't have anything in common.
Throughout the conversation I find it really hard to find a wrung to grab onto. What I mean is I find it really hard to get into a conversation topic and really get into commonalities and that man-to-woman moment when the outside world goes away. I had this same issue with the mall girl though, so I knew it was still possible. She doesn't like sushi, star wars, music, the outdoors, or pretty much anything I seem to like. She doesn't even seem to know that much about law as a paralegal. We do share a mutual boredom towards sports though. I figure this is more just this type of girl, she isn't overly deep or anything so don't expect to build a strong emotional connection. I deep dived her though and got her talking and I showed a lot of value as a soon to be lawyer in a cool and calibrated way I think. So here comes the FU.
So there isn't a lot of huge IOIs going on. But she is asking questions keeping the conversation going, she hasn't rushed through her drink, and when I have lightly touched her arm for a moment a few times she hasn't seemed against it. I can't remember the first big DTF question she asked me but it might have been about my living situation. I tell her I live with my dad. She then asks me what he is up to tonight. I tell her he is working. At a point not too long after she asked me what I was up to tonight. I told her I had just bought two new records and I was going to go listen to them. I told her she was welcome to join if she was up for it. She responded that she doesn't want to stay out too late because her parents are babysitting her daughter. "Next time though", she says. Me being the lord of the idiots that I am, even after having Chase give me advice previously on one of my posts about "Next time", immediately fell into the "no worries" mindset. To play devil's advocate for myself, it was an objection that I took as serious and I thought it would be somewhat rude to object. I mean the girl has a kid and she doesn't want to be out late and leave the kid with the parents. That being said, I OBVIOUSLY should have went with something like. "Of course you won't be out too late, I'll pay the check now and we can go get you another diet coke at my place, it's two minutes down the road. The record player is pretty classy." If I objected once or twice to her objection it would have been cool and calibrated and very likely could have worked. She was an experienced hot girl though, this test was subtle and I failed it. She wanted me but I fucked up at this very subtle shit test.
I fell into the frame of I'll go for it on the second date. I figured logistics would be better then too. I wouldn't have to deal with my dad at all and could just go to her place. I've been dating a girl consistently my dad has met so it would have just been annoying to deal with. That, and when I brought another like 6.75 from hinge home before my current "girlfriend", he got all bitchy about how I am going to give him covid and kill him because he has an autoimmune disorder. I didn't go for any kind of kiss close because I thought that would leave her room to chase. I just quickly ended the interaction with a brief hug outside. Of course I texted her the next day and got no response. She had previously been responding a lot and quickly. She opened an escalation window in a context I had not yet experienced. I had previously learned about an escalation window during the course of already making out, but I didn't realize this was an escalation window that had to be jumped through by overcoming an objection. I didn't go through this window and I lost the girl.
On a positive note, I have two decent dates I think will go through this weekend with girls from cold approach. Not as hot as this one, but they are college girls and still seemed to be eights if I remember correctly. The lesson I learned is always be moving the seduction forward and overcome objections. I will be doing that with these girls this weekend and hope to have something positive to report to all of you.
Also, I am pretty sure I am the George Costanza of this forum with all my FU reports
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