Hey fellas,
My most recent date went great in my view, but she seemed dodgy about the second date when I suggested it the next day over text, and I texted her couple days after that but no reply...so I'm a bit confused about this situation since there seems to be a lot of variables. So here are the details:
I met this girl in class, and she is the one that actually pursued me, since she came and sat next to me and initiated conversation with interest. So I rewarded her investment with a little banter and deep diving about her background and such. The interaction went well and after class, I grabbed her number, and we met up the following week. I usually avoid getting involved with girls in class due to possible awkwardness if things go wrong, but she is no longer in my class so I decided to go ahead with the date.
We met up in the evening to grab a bite at a local pizza place. We grabbed the tables outside since it had a nicer atmosphere and I told her to sit closer to me instead of across from me. The conversation went great, we mostly talked about her passions, future plans, why she wants to pursue her career, etc. Some sexual topics that came up during our talks as well; since she was from Europe, she brought up some discussions about the freedom of sexuality there. We had some good eye contact the whole time with some banter and the non-verbals between us were good. After dinner, she asked if she wanted to split the bill, but I nonchalantly said I would get this one if she gets the dessert. So we leave to get some, but since it was pretty late at night by then, all the stores were closed. So, we went for a little walk and grabbed a seat on the bench. I deep dived her some more, and there were some moments of silence where we just held eye contact and there were some tension. As we were talking, some random dude came up and made us a flower out of palm leaves, so I nonchalantly gave it to her, perhaps maybe in an overly aloof way i'm not sure..(maybe a mistake). Over the course of our date, I complimented her several times in a genuine way which she seemed to appreciate. I was debating, since before the date, whether to invite her home that night. Since she went to my school and I would most likely run into her again; and I was so confused as to if I was in the lover or boyfriend candidate territory, I decided to go with the date compression route (possible big mistake here). However, since the date went well I was going to suggest a movie at my place since it was close...but a conversation came up about an old dude at a dealership that invited her home in a creepy and unprofessional manner toward the end of our date, so I felt it was inappropriate for me to do so and didn't pull the trigger. (thinking another huge mistake here). So as the conversations died down, I walked her back to her car. We hugged and after that I went in for a kiss and she did too. She grabbed my hand after and wanted me to keep in touch. I said I would and wished her good night and texted her when I got home and I had a great time as well which she replied the same.
The next evening, I shot her a text saying that last night was fun and we should get together again sometime that weekend. Here's where it went kinda downhill. She replied after a couple hours that she was extremely busy that weekend but hope and we 'see each other at school for now (?)' and get to know each other better. I figured it was a polite way of her brushing off the suggestion but I said sure and she said 'thanks for everything' (another red flag). So I replied 'maybe we'll hangout next week if i'm not too busy
and she said 'sure '. So the following week, not really expecting much, I shoot her a text suggesting to get together (in a suave manner of course) and got no reply.
Overall, it was a good learning experience moving things forward up till the date and had a good time. I didn't really care about the outcome although she's gorgeous, I didn't feel much emotions toward her. I just wanna know what I could have possibly done wrong here to improve myself for the next time. I'm thinking there were several reasons as to what could have happened:
1) Not moving fast enough and missing escalation windows, in this case inviting her home.
Should I have invited her home despite the story about the old dude making it a bit awkward for me to do so? Was date compression a wrong choice here? How do you know which route to go?
I didn't properly disqualify myself as a boyfriend so I thought I had to take this route, plus I kinda didn't want to fuck this up (but ended up doing so somehow anyway)
2) Emotional cresting/attraction expiring
I think this one is kinda given, but since she had such high level of interest in the beginning of our interaction + me not inviting her home, I'm thinking it kinda crashed soon after the date...
3)Attainability?
She is a bit taller than I am so maybe she thinks I will leave her for someone shorter than I am? (I do prefer women shorter than I am but didn't mention anything of the sort)
4)Life interfering?
Maybe her ex wanted to get back together?
5)Aloofness
I might have been slightly overly aloof toward the end..i'm not sure (it was because despite we had so much in common, I didn't really feel that much connection to her although I did really want to get together with her) and perhaps she picked up on it? Also, I didn't physically escalate much with touch, etc during the date since I was treating it more as an informational one.
I need some help breaking this interaction down...kinda confused as to what went wrong. I wish I could just call up the girl and she would give me an honest advice haha. I appreciate reading all this and your insight would help me out tremendously. Please let me know if I could have done any part of this better for future reference. Thanks!
My most recent date went great in my view, but she seemed dodgy about the second date when I suggested it the next day over text, and I texted her couple days after that but no reply...so I'm a bit confused about this situation since there seems to be a lot of variables. So here are the details:
I met this girl in class, and she is the one that actually pursued me, since she came and sat next to me and initiated conversation with interest. So I rewarded her investment with a little banter and deep diving about her background and such. The interaction went well and after class, I grabbed her number, and we met up the following week. I usually avoid getting involved with girls in class due to possible awkwardness if things go wrong, but she is no longer in my class so I decided to go ahead with the date.
We met up in the evening to grab a bite at a local pizza place. We grabbed the tables outside since it had a nicer atmosphere and I told her to sit closer to me instead of across from me. The conversation went great, we mostly talked about her passions, future plans, why she wants to pursue her career, etc. Some sexual topics that came up during our talks as well; since she was from Europe, she brought up some discussions about the freedom of sexuality there. We had some good eye contact the whole time with some banter and the non-verbals between us were good. After dinner, she asked if she wanted to split the bill, but I nonchalantly said I would get this one if she gets the dessert. So we leave to get some, but since it was pretty late at night by then, all the stores were closed. So, we went for a little walk and grabbed a seat on the bench. I deep dived her some more, and there were some moments of silence where we just held eye contact and there were some tension. As we were talking, some random dude came up and made us a flower out of palm leaves, so I nonchalantly gave it to her, perhaps maybe in an overly aloof way i'm not sure..(maybe a mistake). Over the course of our date, I complimented her several times in a genuine way which she seemed to appreciate. I was debating, since before the date, whether to invite her home that night. Since she went to my school and I would most likely run into her again; and I was so confused as to if I was in the lover or boyfriend candidate territory, I decided to go with the date compression route (possible big mistake here). However, since the date went well I was going to suggest a movie at my place since it was close...but a conversation came up about an old dude at a dealership that invited her home in a creepy and unprofessional manner toward the end of our date, so I felt it was inappropriate for me to do so and didn't pull the trigger. (thinking another huge mistake here). So as the conversations died down, I walked her back to her car. We hugged and after that I went in for a kiss and she did too. She grabbed my hand after and wanted me to keep in touch. I said I would and wished her good night and texted her when I got home and I had a great time as well which she replied the same.
The next evening, I shot her a text saying that last night was fun and we should get together again sometime that weekend. Here's where it went kinda downhill. She replied after a couple hours that she was extremely busy that weekend but hope and we 'see each other at school for now (?)' and get to know each other better. I figured it was a polite way of her brushing off the suggestion but I said sure and she said 'thanks for everything' (another red flag). So I replied 'maybe we'll hangout next week if i'm not too busy
and she said 'sure '. So the following week, not really expecting much, I shoot her a text suggesting to get together (in a suave manner of course) and got no reply. Overall, it was a good learning experience moving things forward up till the date and had a good time. I didn't really care about the outcome although she's gorgeous, I didn't feel much emotions toward her. I just wanna know what I could have possibly done wrong here to improve myself for the next time. I'm thinking there were several reasons as to what could have happened:
1) Not moving fast enough and missing escalation windows, in this case inviting her home.
Should I have invited her home despite the story about the old dude making it a bit awkward for me to do so? Was date compression a wrong choice here? How do you know which route to go?
I didn't properly disqualify myself as a boyfriend so I thought I had to take this route, plus I kinda didn't want to fuck this up (but ended up doing so somehow anyway)
2) Emotional cresting/attraction expiring
I think this one is kinda given, but since she had such high level of interest in the beginning of our interaction + me not inviting her home, I'm thinking it kinda crashed soon after the date...
3)Attainability?
She is a bit taller than I am so maybe she thinks I will leave her for someone shorter than I am? (I do prefer women shorter than I am but didn't mention anything of the sort)
4)Life interfering?
Maybe her ex wanted to get back together?
5)Aloofness
I might have been slightly overly aloof toward the end..i'm not sure (it was because despite we had so much in common, I didn't really feel that much connection to her although I did really want to get together with her) and perhaps she picked up on it? Also, I didn't physically escalate much with touch, etc during the date since I was treating it more as an informational one.
I need some help breaking this interaction down...kinda confused as to what went wrong. I wish I could just call up the girl and she would give me an honest advice haha. I appreciate reading all this and your insight would help me out tremendously. Please let me know if I could have done any part of this better for future reference. Thanks!
