Holding a conversation?

[titch]

I recently turned 18 and am a few months into improving my game. I went on my first ever date tonight and it was a flop which I relaise is ok since theres hundreds of girls out there. The reason it went so badly was because I couldn't keep the conversation going. There were a lot of awkward silences.

I was hoping somebody could give me a process somewhat similar to chases newbie assignment as to how I go about learning how to hold a conversation. I'm naturally very quiet. I have read quite a few of chases articles about conversation. Prehaps I just need to keep talking to girls? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Matthew91]

never allow a awkward silence anytime that happens you gotta bring your humor out atleast saying dumb things is better than hearing crickets!
and your 18 your young you will learn as time goes when i look back to 18 i was no game compared to now and maybe a few years later ill say the same about my current age

So just stick around here there is tons of info

 

[Tyme2k]

What makes a silence awkward? It's only akward if you feel it's akward. I personally like these silent moments. They give both people time to relax and vibe with non verbals and eycontact. It gives you time to shine as a real man. If you are getting nervous or trying to fill a void for no reason, you will come off as needy and try hard. Relax during these silences and say something that comes to mind, often times she will reinitiate since she feels she can be normal around you, there are no akward silences with you.

Talk about what you want and practice, practice, practice. You are only 18 which is not "too" young, but you have a lot of experience to gain. Go out get that experience so you can relate to people.

I wish I was single and found out about game at your age. I couldn't imagine the level of understanding I would have now 10 years later...

 

[Thinkingenigma]

never allow a awkward silence anytime that happens you gotta bring your humor out atleast saying dumb things is better than hearing crickets!
and your 18 your young you will learn as time goes when i look back to 18 i was no game compared to now and maybe a few years later ill say the same about my current age

So just stick around here there is tons of info

Silence is so much better than saying stupid stuff. In fact, I will often remain silent simply to get her to keep talking. The key to preventing an awkward silence is not in what you say, it's what you don't say. If you don't have awkward body language and you act sure of yourself, there will never be an awkward silence. Will there be tension? Absolutely, but that's what you want.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/secre ... -deep-dive
https://www.girlschase.com/content/conversationalist

Both of these articles have fantastic advice. If you are using those techniques and your body language is in order, you won't have to worry about conversation ever again. The best part about it is that these are some of the the easiest skills to master, and they give you a huge leg up on other people.

Cheers

 

[charming]

I was hoping somebody could give me a process somewhat similar to chases newbie assignment as to how I go about learning how to hold a conversation. I'm naturally very quiet. I have read quite a few of chases articles about conversation. Prehaps I just need to keep talking to girls? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Practice. Lots of practice.

Definitely read the articles that thinkingenimga linked.

Start by talking with people you're not intimidated by and you feel comfortable being around/talking to. Learn to ask more creative and risky questions with those people. How are your conversations going with girls your not attracted to?

 

[titch]

Thanks for all the advice. It is much appreciated!

In a group of 3 or more people I have no problems but when I'm alone with somebody I do struggle, no matter if its a hot girl or a guy. I'm coming to the relaisation that I'm uncomfortable being alone with someone and am shying away from it so I'm going to make a big effort to get into more positions where it is just me and someone else. I'm at school so it should easy enough.

What did you mean by risky questions?

 

[charming]

What did you mean by risky questions?

You know those questions that pop into your head during a conversation that you never verbalize or feel are inappropriate to ask. Everyone has a different social calibration to what "risky" questions are useful, and which are not. The more you start asking some of them out loud the more opportunity you'll have to learn from them and grow your communication skills.

During one-on-one conversations do you feel you don't have much to contribute and are therefore uncomfortable, or do you just find you run out of topics to chat about?

 

[titch]

It would be more that I run out of things to talk about.

 

[Little Jester]

It would be more that I run out of things to talk about.

Ask yourself why? You want to get to know her, right? The topic is her.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/what- ... st-ask-her

 

[charming]

It would be more that I run out of things to talk about.

Definitely read the article little jester suggested! I start almost every new interaction with these questions.

1) Comment then ask about something relevant to the setting you meet them in.
At school: Which class are you headed to?
At the mall: Comment on a bag their caring and ask What'd ya get?
At a pub/bar: Ask them what they're drinking.

Then ask a follow up question based on their response.
Example. "I bought a jacket from banana republic." Do you shop their often?

2) Compliment an accessory they're wearing.
A watch
A scarf
A jacket
Shoes
Jewelry
Then ask a follow up question.
ie Where did you get it?

3) Ask about their profession, or lack of one.
Do you work or are you a student?
What's your profession?

Then ask a follow up question.
ie Out of all the options what made you choose that school or job?

This is how you become a conversationalist! Ask follow up questions based on their response.
Ideally they'll eventually ask you a question. Keep your answers to the point. Before your next conversation, think of as many questions some one could ask you and say your responses out loud to yourself.
Practice until they make sense, are short, and to the point.
Example: If someone asks me why did you move from State A to State B. I will always respond. "I wanted a change of perspective." Notice it answers the question but creates intrigue and more questions. You generally want the other person talking 70% of the time and you 30%, especially with women. It can be more equal with men but you still want them to be talking more than you.

Hope this helps, don't grow discouraged titch. Nobody wakes up one day a great communicator. Keep
Trying and practicing, you'll get there!

 

[titch]

Thats very helpful! I'm very grateful.

I actually wrote that advice down. Wouldn't want to forget it!

 

[kayrn]

Some example questions I've used when there may be a pause or changeover that occurs:

These are fun, quirky questions that lighten the mood a bit -

What was your family like growing up? What were you like as a kid?

Did you—or do you—have a nickname? What’s the story behind it?

What’s your favorite place in the entire world?

Favorite movie of all time? Why so?

What is your favorite way to spend a day off?

What should I know about you that I’d never think to ask about?

These are a little bit more serious -

What’s your biggest goal in life right now?

Have you figured out your calling in life? What is it?

Who has been the biggest influence in your life?

What do you hate most about dating?

In all there's a lot of ways to keep the conversation rolling, but like many before, and wiser than me stated: Keep your actual responses short, mysterious and light/funny. Leave her questioning bits and pieces and don't ever reveal too much too soon. Keep politics and money out of any conversation and remember that sexual innuendos and light banter are very very powerful when used right.