- Joined
- Sep 10, 2022
- Messages
- 461
I'm in the middle of a kind of... emotional healing process. The extreme isolation of pandemic and my introverted nature had inflicted some bad stuff upon me. I gained a frightening amount of weight and turned my back to the external world.
For the last 6 weeks I've been pulling out of the nosedive. I've hit the gym, lost almost about 20lbs overall so far, and most importantly have regarded socializing now as necessary for health. I've been engaging with friends, strangers, spreading the love and the vibes, and just trying to make other people feel good and have positive connections.
I believe this is healing. My days are just better and I feel really good, inspired even, and on the mend. I think I just really needed to reconnect with the world and some hurt and lost piece of myself. I still feel like a bird with a hurt wing trying to fly, but things are getting flappy.
I've also been approaching the ladies since the last four weeks. I've failed a lot, particularly lately, but I am riding the fact that I'm in a process, and the failures don't bother me too much because they feel so healthy and instructive. For the women that have rejected my advances whom I see again (some were extended social circle), they are always happy to see me and it's still good vibes. So it's nice that everybody feels cool, even though failure sucks.
Today was a weird day with a momentum swing. I was invited to a party I wasn't keen on, but I decided to go. Before that, a friend invited me to dinner with his large family, who I love dearly. I decided to do both things, even though I am just recovered from a head cold and am quite tired.
We had fun at the party and me and my good buddy slipped out early. We hit the streets. The night started good but was looking downturned and nothing mucb happened. I was content to just call it good and hang with my pal.
Until.
About midnight, we decided just to hit a lowkey spot for a snack and a beer before calling it quits.
Then suddenly, out of nowhere, a group of young women strolled in. And I saw her.
An honest to goodness 9.
Her body was incredible, midriff showing, small perky boobs and an amazing ass. And she was so sweet and smiley, and those are Hoofy's favorites.
Now I am not afraid of women, and she made the mistake of stepping infront of me to order at the bar.
Me: I like your top. You a cowgirl? (It was cowprint).
Girl: Haha, yeah. I like your hat.
Me: Thanks, I'm camouflaged (I sometimes wear a black camo trucker hat sized for men with big heads).
Her: Lol I can't see you! *covers eyes
Me: haha I'm Hoofy. Whats your name?
She introduces and shakes my hand. Since there's live music, I ask her if she knows to dance. She says sort of, and I extend my hand.
Now all of this is exceptionally comfortable to me. This blonde babe weighs 115lbs, I could physically hold her up Weekend at Bernies style and dance with her if I had to.
So I miss no stride with her. And do you fucking know why?? Because I expect to fail. This is the part in my sense memory. I'm just playing ball now, because I love to play ball maybe no matter the outcome, although it sure would be nice to fucking win once in a while.
So here's what I know. In the event that she is okay enough with me to accept a dance, I still just think she'll have fun and think I'm a neato and kind dude. And that will be that.
So I take this gorgeous woman, 10 years younger than me, into my arms and I'm completely cool. Seen this before. Some light conversation and laughing.
Except. She attaches hard and after a few minutes of dancing her eyes are dreamy. I can't believe it, but this girl wants me to kiss her.
I'm not afraid of that either, but it's just so unexpected. Number one, I look probably close the worst I've ever looked in my life right now. Number 2, although I have had sex with some seriously beautiful women, this might be the hottest girl I've ever actually touched.
So I did nothing to cause this. And passively there is nothing so great about me atm, at least nothing obvious on the surface. I'm just the guy who got handed opportunity. The lotto came up and I'm the lucky fool.
Zero hesitation, I kiss her. She melts. Cue the most tasteless public make out I've ever had (so far. keep reading).
We are really going for it. It's pretty gross for everybody else. But she is biting me and drawing me in and wanting more. I can't believe it. She's reasonably sober, totally coherent and somehow she's into it.
There's just not an opportunity to follow the rules. I have nowhere to take her. There's no pathway to sex, and although I tell her I want her number, really I sense this is just a 'tonight' thing. I just have to enjoy. And brother I do. We break apart so she can chill with her friends and I figure it's over. She's kind of avoiding me, and I don't want to chode out or bother her after what frankly felt like a goddamn blessing. I figure this girl is done with that moment. 30mins later we 'bump' into each other again. I pick her up and she wraps her legs around me and it gets a new level of intense for like 10mins. She bites my upper lip. I bite back, then nibble her earlobe, flicking my tongue over her ear.
I'm a goddamn animal. Where is this coming from? A past life that I barely remember.
Oh shit! I used to fuck! A lot!
The music plays. I am feeling every part of this girl. She says mhmmm. I whisper to her there's something else we can do on beat...
The bartender actually breaks us up and her friends take her away. Standard drama from doing this shit ensues. They sure don't like me haha i'm pretty sure no one in this bar does.
Hoofy dgaf for this, too old and i deserve a pass. My Uber comes almost instantly and I dip out.
I know this was just the right place, right time situation. It's not reflective of any skill or qualities I have, but rather what she wanted. But it sure is something to feel desirable again, even for whatever reason, because the last 12 months have been feeling like something bad is stuck on me, that I couldn't shake off.
Now I know I did everything "wrong" and that I'll never see her again. To be clear, this isn't a case study. And to be clear, if you want to have sex or relationships, have logistics handled and pretty much dont do any of this. We know this.
But maybe I just needed par. Maybe I'm not like... emotionally ready for sex right now (it's been about 12 months dry spell). I haven't even kissef a girl in 12 months.
And I'm glad for luck, and stepping into a part that was pre-cast for me in someone else's agenda. Water to a man in a desert.
I'm still usable, not all the way junk. Gonna keep improving myself and getting back to feeling better. That way, one day when a pretty girl kisses me, I won't have to wonder why or call it just luck.
For the last 6 weeks I've been pulling out of the nosedive. I've hit the gym, lost almost about 20lbs overall so far, and most importantly have regarded socializing now as necessary for health. I've been engaging with friends, strangers, spreading the love and the vibes, and just trying to make other people feel good and have positive connections.
I believe this is healing. My days are just better and I feel really good, inspired even, and on the mend. I think I just really needed to reconnect with the world and some hurt and lost piece of myself. I still feel like a bird with a hurt wing trying to fly, but things are getting flappy.
I've also been approaching the ladies since the last four weeks. I've failed a lot, particularly lately, but I am riding the fact that I'm in a process, and the failures don't bother me too much because they feel so healthy and instructive. For the women that have rejected my advances whom I see again (some were extended social circle), they are always happy to see me and it's still good vibes. So it's nice that everybody feels cool, even though failure sucks.
Today was a weird day with a momentum swing. I was invited to a party I wasn't keen on, but I decided to go. Before that, a friend invited me to dinner with his large family, who I love dearly. I decided to do both things, even though I am just recovered from a head cold and am quite tired.
We had fun at the party and me and my good buddy slipped out early. We hit the streets. The night started good but was looking downturned and nothing mucb happened. I was content to just call it good and hang with my pal.
Until.
About midnight, we decided just to hit a lowkey spot for a snack and a beer before calling it quits.
Then suddenly, out of nowhere, a group of young women strolled in. And I saw her.
An honest to goodness 9.
Her body was incredible, midriff showing, small perky boobs and an amazing ass. And she was so sweet and smiley, and those are Hoofy's favorites.
Now I am not afraid of women, and she made the mistake of stepping infront of me to order at the bar.
Me: I like your top. You a cowgirl? (It was cowprint).
Girl: Haha, yeah. I like your hat.
Me: Thanks, I'm camouflaged (I sometimes wear a black camo trucker hat sized for men with big heads).
Her: Lol I can't see you! *covers eyes
Me: haha I'm Hoofy. Whats your name?
She introduces and shakes my hand. Since there's live music, I ask her if she knows to dance. She says sort of, and I extend my hand.
Now all of this is exceptionally comfortable to me. This blonde babe weighs 115lbs, I could physically hold her up Weekend at Bernies style and dance with her if I had to.
So I miss no stride with her. And do you fucking know why?? Because I expect to fail. This is the part in my sense memory. I'm just playing ball now, because I love to play ball maybe no matter the outcome, although it sure would be nice to fucking win once in a while.
So here's what I know. In the event that she is okay enough with me to accept a dance, I still just think she'll have fun and think I'm a neato and kind dude. And that will be that.
So I take this gorgeous woman, 10 years younger than me, into my arms and I'm completely cool. Seen this before. Some light conversation and laughing.
Except. She attaches hard and after a few minutes of dancing her eyes are dreamy. I can't believe it, but this girl wants me to kiss her.
I'm not afraid of that either, but it's just so unexpected. Number one, I look probably close the worst I've ever looked in my life right now. Number 2, although I have had sex with some seriously beautiful women, this might be the hottest girl I've ever actually touched.
So I did nothing to cause this. And passively there is nothing so great about me atm, at least nothing obvious on the surface. I'm just the guy who got handed opportunity. The lotto came up and I'm the lucky fool.
Zero hesitation, I kiss her. She melts. Cue the most tasteless public make out I've ever had (so far. keep reading).
We are really going for it. It's pretty gross for everybody else. But she is biting me and drawing me in and wanting more. I can't believe it. She's reasonably sober, totally coherent and somehow she's into it.
There's just not an opportunity to follow the rules. I have nowhere to take her. There's no pathway to sex, and although I tell her I want her number, really I sense this is just a 'tonight' thing. I just have to enjoy. And brother I do. We break apart so she can chill with her friends and I figure it's over. She's kind of avoiding me, and I don't want to chode out or bother her after what frankly felt like a goddamn blessing. I figure this girl is done with that moment. 30mins later we 'bump' into each other again. I pick her up and she wraps her legs around me and it gets a new level of intense for like 10mins. She bites my upper lip. I bite back, then nibble her earlobe, flicking my tongue over her ear.
I'm a goddamn animal. Where is this coming from? A past life that I barely remember.
Oh shit! I used to fuck! A lot!
The music plays. I am feeling every part of this girl. She says mhmmm. I whisper to her there's something else we can do on beat...
The bartender actually breaks us up and her friends take her away. Standard drama from doing this shit ensues. They sure don't like me haha i'm pretty sure no one in this bar does.
Hoofy dgaf for this, too old and i deserve a pass. My Uber comes almost instantly and I dip out.
I know this was just the right place, right time situation. It's not reflective of any skill or qualities I have, but rather what she wanted. But it sure is something to feel desirable again, even for whatever reason, because the last 12 months have been feeling like something bad is stuck on me, that I couldn't shake off.
Now I know I did everything "wrong" and that I'll never see her again. To be clear, this isn't a case study. And to be clear, if you want to have sex or relationships, have logistics handled and pretty much dont do any of this. We know this.
But maybe I just needed par. Maybe I'm not like... emotionally ready for sex right now (it's been about 12 months dry spell). I haven't even kissef a girl in 12 months.
And I'm glad for luck, and stepping into a part that was pre-cast for me in someone else's agenda. Water to a man in a desert.
I'm still usable, not all the way junk. Gonna keep improving myself and getting back to feeling better. That way, one day when a pretty girl kisses me, I won't have to wonder why or call it just luck.
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