- Joined
- Oct 17, 2018
- Messages
- 4
First of all thank you to Chase, other contributors and all you great guys here on the forum! This has not only helped my dating life, but I think helped me be a better person to people I am dating. An incredible community and initiative you all have going.
So I met this girl about a year ago... We mostly texted for many months while I was away on business, then started dating maybe five months ago or so. Had sex on the first date (she was very embarrassed, said she never did it before, it was wrong, etc. etc. ... That quickly smoothed over and we turned into a great item). From the get go she said she was not looking for a boyfriend, and I said I was ambivalent, that I take things one step at a time. She talked about past guys she dated and would talk about each and what made him the "best", and she would talk about ways in which I was the "best" (namely sex). I am in my mid-30s and this is the first time I have had sex that absolutely blows me away. It is like every single time is the best sex I have ever had, and it only gets better. And she feels the same. She early on said she can never stop having sex with me, and asked if she gets a boyfriend or gets married if we could continue meeting? I said I was in theory fine with this but it would have to be okay with them too. I explained to her I am okay with monogamy. She said she'd be okay with me dating others too but would be jealous.
She lied about her age. Said she was about 25 and in fact is 22. This is a big difference... Her immaturity and disrespect for plans are my biggest issues (being late, or canceling, or just suddenly wanting to make plans) that lead to us having arguments. But we always resolve them. Over time we have become closer and closer. But then we had a big fight once and didn't speak for two weeks.
At the end of this period we make up, and she admits that she has started seeing another guy. I say this is fine. She says though that she is serious with him and feels bad about seeing me, but that she doesn't want to stop seeing me. We talk this out, I basically say I want her to be happy and if she needs to stop seeing me it's okay, but I hope I can keep seeing her because I really like her. This draws us closer and we are getting on great for a while. She says that she can't "miss her chance" because he is offering her something serious (it becomes clear that she wanted me to be her boyfriend now; the L word comes out and all the rest). All's fine until she pulls another one of her stunts being not available to meet me for many days, and I am leaving town. We don't get to say goodbye and this makes me really angry. She is out with friends one night clearly very drunk and won't answer the phone. Next day I want to see her to say goodbye. She's extremely apologetic and feels awful for not coming to see me to stay on my last night, or at least to say goodbye, as we had planned. Another week of not talking ensues.
She says she cannot lose me, can not live without me. Says sex with him is awful and I am the only one who has ever pleased her sexually. Says even though she is in something stable with him (and she says there are ways in which he is "better" than me), that there are ways in which I am special to her and she cannot bear to lose me. Says she feels horrible about herself for the way she treated me, begs me to forgive her, to give her one last chance, promising that she will change, and all the rest. Reminds how I said I would be okay with an open relationship, and her seeing other people. She admits that she feels confused between the two, and feels guilty if she lies to him (says he will definitely not accept her having sex with me and so she does not want to tell him, but she is afraid to lose him because she feels he is very serious about her, they are going to get a dog and maybe live together). She admits her problem is just that she is selfish and has behaved badly and how awful she feels about this, but that she wants to change. She feels horrible for having hurt me and says she will understand if I never want to meet her again, that she wants me to be happy and doesn't want me to be upset. But she desperately wants me to forgive her and hopes she will be the "first one" I will want to see when I get back in a few weeks.
So what the fuck. This is not right to the other guy. I am not going to marry this girl or seriously date her, so why don't I let someone else have her? YET, I have NEVER been so attracted to any girl in my life and the sex is incredible, and we have grown very intimate in ways beyond physicality and both do adore the hell out of each other. I really care about the girl and want to be with her. I also know she's not ever going to be fully happy with him because he is simply a polite provider giving her the security and image of a stable relationship she wants to have for others, but deep down he is not the man she wants and does not satisfy her in the way that i do. What she wants is to have him as her steady boyfriend and have me as her secret lover. I just want to continue having sex with her and to be respected and not toyed around with (I actually expect and would be very happy with very little in this regard, though at the same time it did feel we were becoming close and I'd almost start to consider her as a girlfriend if this other guy weren't in the picture, though I know our age difference means it would probably never work long-term)...
I don't know what to do. Deep down I think I know what she needs is to ditch us both and be alone for a while. She is young and naive and needs to learn from this and not move too fast with either of us and not prolong such a messy unethical situation. Man... I'm really at a loss.
Help me my brothers...
So I met this girl about a year ago... We mostly texted for many months while I was away on business, then started dating maybe five months ago or so. Had sex on the first date (she was very embarrassed, said she never did it before, it was wrong, etc. etc. ... That quickly smoothed over and we turned into a great item). From the get go she said she was not looking for a boyfriend, and I said I was ambivalent, that I take things one step at a time. She talked about past guys she dated and would talk about each and what made him the "best", and she would talk about ways in which I was the "best" (namely sex). I am in my mid-30s and this is the first time I have had sex that absolutely blows me away. It is like every single time is the best sex I have ever had, and it only gets better. And she feels the same. She early on said she can never stop having sex with me, and asked if she gets a boyfriend or gets married if we could continue meeting? I said I was in theory fine with this but it would have to be okay with them too. I explained to her I am okay with monogamy. She said she'd be okay with me dating others too but would be jealous.
She lied about her age. Said she was about 25 and in fact is 22. This is a big difference... Her immaturity and disrespect for plans are my biggest issues (being late, or canceling, or just suddenly wanting to make plans) that lead to us having arguments. But we always resolve them. Over time we have become closer and closer. But then we had a big fight once and didn't speak for two weeks.
At the end of this period we make up, and she admits that she has started seeing another guy. I say this is fine. She says though that she is serious with him and feels bad about seeing me, but that she doesn't want to stop seeing me. We talk this out, I basically say I want her to be happy and if she needs to stop seeing me it's okay, but I hope I can keep seeing her because I really like her. This draws us closer and we are getting on great for a while. She says that she can't "miss her chance" because he is offering her something serious (it becomes clear that she wanted me to be her boyfriend now; the L word comes out and all the rest). All's fine until she pulls another one of her stunts being not available to meet me for many days, and I am leaving town. We don't get to say goodbye and this makes me really angry. She is out with friends one night clearly very drunk and won't answer the phone. Next day I want to see her to say goodbye. She's extremely apologetic and feels awful for not coming to see me to stay on my last night, or at least to say goodbye, as we had planned. Another week of not talking ensues.
She says she cannot lose me, can not live without me. Says sex with him is awful and I am the only one who has ever pleased her sexually. Says even though she is in something stable with him (and she says there are ways in which he is "better" than me), that there are ways in which I am special to her and she cannot bear to lose me. Says she feels horrible about herself for the way she treated me, begs me to forgive her, to give her one last chance, promising that she will change, and all the rest. Reminds how I said I would be okay with an open relationship, and her seeing other people. She admits that she feels confused between the two, and feels guilty if she lies to him (says he will definitely not accept her having sex with me and so she does not want to tell him, but she is afraid to lose him because she feels he is very serious about her, they are going to get a dog and maybe live together). She admits her problem is just that she is selfish and has behaved badly and how awful she feels about this, but that she wants to change. She feels horrible for having hurt me and says she will understand if I never want to meet her again, that she wants me to be happy and doesn't want me to be upset. But she desperately wants me to forgive her and hopes she will be the "first one" I will want to see when I get back in a few weeks.
So what the fuck. This is not right to the other guy. I am not going to marry this girl or seriously date her, so why don't I let someone else have her? YET, I have NEVER been so attracted to any girl in my life and the sex is incredible, and we have grown very intimate in ways beyond physicality and both do adore the hell out of each other. I really care about the girl and want to be with her. I also know she's not ever going to be fully happy with him because he is simply a polite provider giving her the security and image of a stable relationship she wants to have for others, but deep down he is not the man she wants and does not satisfy her in the way that i do. What she wants is to have him as her steady boyfriend and have me as her secret lover. I just want to continue having sex with her and to be respected and not toyed around with (I actually expect and would be very happy with very little in this regard, though at the same time it did feel we were becoming close and I'd almost start to consider her as a girlfriend if this other guy weren't in the picture, though I know our age difference means it would probably never work long-term)...
I don't know what to do. Deep down I think I know what she needs is to ditch us both and be alone for a while. She is young and naive and needs to learn from this and not move too fast with either of us and not prolong such a messy unethical situation. Man... I'm really at a loss.
Help me my brothers...
