Horrible text game

[Aramis]

Hi all,

Thank you in advance to anyone who can offer advice on this.

Some background.
I've been seeing this girl for three weeks and now she has gone away for two months as part of her job. I foolishly brought up the question of exclusivity, with the best intentions of not wanting to hurt her. Either I don't approach other women and wait for her because she's my girlfriend, or figure we're not in a relationship and play the field. She very coolly responded to this with "I can't expect anyone to wait for me for two months". Feels like somewhere between "I'm not bothered" and "you would set yourself apart if you did". F. M. L.

So she has gone now and last night I went on the razz. There was an attractive brunette by herself outside, so I figured why not just have some fun with a chat. Anyway, it's going well and like a prat I text her "what are the rules? xx" and then four minutes later try to recover with "ignore me, I'm drunk". Ugh. I decided to call it a night and leave the brunette to her friends.

It gets better. Here is the text conversation this morning:

Her: What rules are we talking about here?!?!?! I can certainly take a good guess!! Were we chatting someone up last night
Me: Chatting, yes. (An hour later) Just in case you were wondering it was chatting only.
Her: Ha but to ask a question like that...you wanted more I've only been gone five days *rolling eyes*...you'd never make two months!!! Hahaha
Me: Hahaha but four minutes later I text you to say ignore me. We shall see...
Her: Yes because you realised what you'd written! I think you think I was born yesterday
Me: Ha no I don't. In four minutes I had a think about what matters.
Her: I told you, you can do what you want...I'm just messing with you You are funny though...I knew it wouldn't be long until you were chatting someone else up
Me: I wasn't chatting her up just talking to people in general. But yeah, you have said I can do what I want several times now! Fine.
Her: Wow...someone got out of the wrong side of the bed!
Me: Nah I'm cool, just hangover. Sorry that wasn't meant to sound stressy xx Let's try FaceTime later. It would be nice to just have a chilled normal chat.

A clusterf*** of wrong. I guess at least I know it's bad: consciously incompetent. I just can't get a read on how to play this, and I have one hand over the big red NEXT button.

Thanks guys.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Oo, that was rough. This girl sounds like a chill bitch. I'd say you send her an apology text, because honestly, it's needed here.

Something like

Me - Hey, I was immature the other day. Yes, I was interested in chatting up a girl and taking things further. I should have been more upfront and honest about my intentions; instead I was passive aggressive. And, truly, I really like and respect how honest and open you were for calling me out on my shit. So, now that I'm being honest with both of us, if you say you're okay with us being non-exclusive, I'm gonna go ahead and play the field. I hope you do, too. However, that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to see you still. If you're interested, we can meet up every two weeks to keep this good thing going. And then after you return, we'll see what we want to do with the relationship.

I hope that "seeing her" means you've bedded her many times. She likes you enough to be somewhat jealous but not so much that she's attached to your hip; from what you've told us, she's quite primed for a casual relationship. I don't know if you wish for monogamy, a harem, or an open relationship, but whatever it is, this girl could be down for any of that if you play it right. So figure out what you want and adjust the text suggestion above to suit your goals for the relationship.

As Chase likes to remind me, The end is important in all things (you should read Hagakure).


- Anatman

 

[Aramis]

Thank you very much for your advice Anatman.

I would certainly have used you suggested text, adjusting it for my aim: a monogamous relationship with her.

But as it happened we are back to interacting in a fun and flirtatious way. Last night we had a long FaceTime conversation and interestingly when I complimented her and her comfort spiked, she brought up my stupid text again. This time when she questioned it I agreed with her frame to avoid an immediate disagreement. But I wasn't done.

I told her the full extent of the interaction with the brunette: that I had merely asked her for a cigarette and had some fun with seeing how much I could push her. "Can I have a cigarette?" "Can I have a light?" "Look I can't even light it! Can you do it for me?". This was to show her it was merely a normal interaction, yet I tried to give a subtext that it was for something that I wanted, and that I could own the interaction and get another girl to invest. (But maybe I am over-analysing this!)

I told her that I then went back to my friend. I sensed she was happy with this and I felt some flow with the words I was choosing. So I brought up my idiotic text again ("what are the rules?"), and intended to change the frame she held against it. I said that I did not want to hurt her and that this was the text of someone trying to draw lines to that end. A man who would cheat on her would not have sent a text. She liked this. I had hoped that showing the slight turmoil behind the message would demonstrate a Bryonic flaw with the right intention, rather than just being socially misjudged. (Again maybe wishful thinking and over-analysis.)

Thank you for the recommendation of Hagakure mate but I have read it and I actually have it on my bookshelf right now. Have you come across any of Robert Greene's books? Having read many of your posts I think you would like them.

Cheers

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Thank you very much for your advice Anatman.

I would certainly have used you suggested text, adjusting it for my aim: a monogamous relationship with her.

But as it happened we are back to interacting in a fun and flirtatious way. Last night we had a long FaceTime conversation and interestingly when I complimented her and her comfort spiked, she brought up my stupid text again. This time when she questioned it I agreed with her frame to avoid an immediate disagreement. But I wasn't done.

I told her the full extent of the interaction with the brunette: that I had merely asked her for a cigarette and had some fun with seeing how much I could push her. "Can I have a cigarette?" "Can I have a light?" "Look I can't even light it! Can you do it for me?". This was to show her it was merely a normal interaction, yet I tried to give a subtext that it was for something that I wanted, and that I could own the interaction and get another girl to invest. (But maybe I am over-analysing this!)

I told her that I then went back to my friend. I sensed she was happy with this and I felt some flow with the words I was choosing. So I brought up my idiotic text again ("what are the rules?"), and intended to change the frame she held against it. I said that I did not want to hurt her and that this was the text of someone trying to draw lines to that end. A man who would cheat on her would not have sent a text. She liked this. I had hoped that showing the slight turmoil behind the message would demonstrate a Bryonic flaw with the right intention, rather than just being socially misjudged. (Again maybe wishful thinking and over-analysis.)

Thank you for the recommendation of Hagakure mate but I have read it and I actually have it on my bookshelf right now. Have you come across any of Robert Greene's books? Having read many of your posts I think you would like them.

Cheers

You should try to pull off an open relationship with this girl. Make her your paramore (this is my ideal relationship). She's very comfortable with you discussing your other seductions; set the precedent now. Is she bisexual? Every girl really is, but has she ever fooled around with another girl? Again, she probably has, but you need to have her open up to you about it.

And I just did some Googleing of Robert Greene. I'm in love already. I definitely would consider myself a Rake. Where would you situated yourself on the seducer map?

- Anatman

 

[Aramis]

I do appreciate your advice and the recommendation of making her my paramore Anatman, but my personal aim with game now is different: to have an LTR. That said, she has fooled around with other girls and once her comfort with me is sufficient I will be subtly pushing for a girl to join us one night.

Your second comment is a great idea for a thread! I will get one started in the off topic board.

I would like to think I am working towards the Charismatic seducer type. When I talk to a beautiful woman I light up inside, but I hope without me becoming an entertainer. She becomes my muse and my zest for life comes to the fore driven with the words I choose. When I am in the zone I often surprise myself.

Her: "You say all the right things"
Me: "Well you inspire me to them"