How are things with your harem?

[Jan]

I met this chick some time ago. I banged her twice, then met few times just for chillin. We don't see each other often, but we sometimes text.

Once or twice during our convo, when we were discussing relationships and stuff, I joked that I'm going to/or I'm having a harem. It was just a meaniglness joke for me. But it seems it's not the case for her.

Every time we meet or sometimes also over text, she is asking: "So, how are things with your harem?" I usually don't roll with the topic, because it's just so meaningless to me. But she keeps coming back...

Today's text: "I was just thinking... Would it be better if you had get back to maintaining your harem? So you would be always relaxed and rested?"

Why is she raising this thing so often? Is it the womanese way of saying 'I wanna get laid." or is she testing me for being a player, or something?

 

[Gorili]

Why is she raising this thing so often? Is it the womanese way of saying 'I wanna get laid." or is she testing me for being a player, or something?

I think it's both.

She's clearly not seeing the harem comment as a simple offhand remark that she could easily ignore. If you're meeting up with her but not banging her in the early stages, an alarm is going off in her head. She's wondering why you're not banging her as often like other guys would. "What could be the reason?" she questions herself.

Lo and behold, you joke that you have a harem. So now, she's digging into it more to see how true this is, or if it's just a joke, because your current behavior seems off to her. She's testing you. "Is he really seeing other girls? If so, then why does he meet up with me, and where do I stand?" she asks. This could be the beginning of an attainability problem. I would have a serious convo next time you guys meet to resolve this.

 

[Chase]

Good comment from @Gorili.

@Jan, when you get this from girls it is really just a jokey, indirect way of asking, "So are you ready to have a relationship with me yet? Or are you still playing the field?"

If you're not banging her enough it can also mean, "I feel like I'm on the back burner here. Do you really have that many girls that you don't want to see me more?"

What you do depends on what you want.

I banged her twice, then met few times just for chillin. We don't see each other often, but we sometimes text.

Yeah. It sounds like you:

• Saw her and banged her
• Saw her again and banged her again
• Then saw her but didn't bang her
• Then saw her again but didn't bang her again

What's the desired outcome with this chick? She is probably confused. Do you want her as an FWB? If so, why not bang her the last few times? Or did you finish with her after the second time and now it's just platonic friends?

(it is possible to do the "we usually hang out as platonic friends. But sometimes we also fuck" thing. I have known a few guys who did this with girls. It is usually very confusing to the girls though, unless they are also very chill about sex)

I would have a serious convo next time you guys meet to resolve this.

Could be necessary if Jan wants and LTR with her and if he dials up seeing & sleeping with her more and she keeps bringing this up.

I wouldn't dive into it yet though. If Jan wants the LTR, the first order of business is just to see her more and sleep with her more. Once he's shagging her often enough the "how's your harem?" complaint may just drift away.

If he doesn't want an LTR (and it doesn't sound like he does), then he can just keep on how he is... though he may want to see this girl a little more often to keep her in his stable if he wants her as an FWB.

If he just wants her as a platonic friend, there's not really any need to address it at all, and just let it work itself out naturally... unless she starts going crazy trying to figure out whether he's going to LTR her or FWB her or not, asking him serious questions about his intentions with her, and so on..

Chase

 

[Jan]

Thanks guys. Basically, she is confused and trying to bring the relationship talk through this weird tangent. That makes sense.

 

[Skills]

I met this chick some time ago. I banged her twice, then met few times just for chillin. We don't see each other often, but we sometimes text.

Once or twice during our convo, when we were discussing relationships and stuff, I joked that I'm going to/or I'm having a harem. It was just a meaniglness joke for me. But it seems it's not the case for her.

Every time we meet or sometimes also over text, she is asking: "So, how are things with your harem?" I usually don't roll with the topic, because it's just so meaningless to me. But she keeps coming back...

Today's text: "I was just thinking... Would it be better if you had get back to maintaining your harem? So you would be always relaxed and rested?"

Why is she raising this thing so often? Is it the womanese way of saying 'I wanna get laid." or is she testing me for being a player, or something?

She is passive aggressively trying to find out if your goal is to have multiple women, and to address this with her... This is what i would do, harem girls can we have an honesty session....

she obviously is going to say yes...

Listen it seems that the harem thing, got to you, it was just a joke and i think you are looking to deep into it, is like if i say i am going to kill you when i see you, is not that i will stab you, is just a playful banter.... I like you and i enjoy your company we have amazing chemestry and it does not bother me in the least when you get passive aggressive with the harem jokes, but i know is bothering you and i want to address it...

done