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- Oct 9, 2012
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Brief note on this, arising out of the aborted thread Altair started (then derailed himself by making it some kind of Race War).
How big a difference does your location make on your results with girls?
It's actually quite bit. I discussed this to some extent on the main site here: "Meet Women More Easily: Location" and here: "How and Where to Move Overseas as a Single Man."
Small towns are more conservative. They're also more social circle oriented. The smaller your town, the more you've got to either be a top dog in the social circle, or well-established as both SUPER sexy and SUPER discreet. The former will get you girlfriends; the latter, hook ups. Without either, you'll have a tough time of it.
The bigger the town gets, the more you need cold approach and the more anonymous game comes into play, because you meet more and more strangers you share no social ties with and probably never will. You can shag a girl you just met on a park bench and she won't worry too much about it because you don't know anyone she knows and it will never get back to anyone. Try that in a small town and she's a lot more inclined to say no (unless, again, you're the super sexy, super discreet guy... or you're just passing through, not from there, and will never come back there again).
If you're living in a smaller town, I recommend moving to a big, dense city at least until you learn game. Small towns are good for raising families in, but not for picking up in. Your options for dating are limited, and it's very difficult to get enough practice in to noticeably upgrade yourself.
On the other hand, that also means that guys in small towns tend to have pretty bad game, and girls in small towns have lower walls to your approach. If you take some city game you developed over the course of a few years living in urban environments and move back to a small town for a while, you will usually clean up, because you so far outclass the other men there it isn't even close.
Things vary city-by-city as well. For instance, it's much easier to get laid in Washington, DC than it is in San Diego, CA. Yet, it's easier than DC in New York City, and harder than San Diego in La Jolla, the smaller, upscale town just north of SD. The smaller the place is, the more cliquish it tends to be, and the ratio of attractive single males to attractive single females also plays a big role.
At the same time, if you can't approach at ALL, changing cities will not magically get you a girlfriend. Think of changing locations if you're new as a way of giving yourself more women to meet. But if you never go out to meet women, it doesn't matter where you are, it's still going to suck.
If you've already got some game, changing cities makes a much bigger difference, because you can either head somewhere harder that will force you to step up your game, or you can go somewhere easier that will allow you to multiply your results with the same level of game you already have. Again, you must already have game to enjoy these benefits.
Should you change cities? If your town is so small that you don't see random attractive women on the street or in malls or at bars you can approach, then definitely yes. If there are still some, I'd suggest you get familiar approaching these women FIRST (and post plenty of field reports), and once you've got an idea about what the women in your town are like, then you can try somewhere else. At that point, you'll have a benchmark to judge against.
ON ILL-INFORMED OPINIONS:
Something to be very wary of: I used to catch myself doing this - I'd travel to some city, go out once or twice, only talk to a handful of women, and form an opinion about the place off of that. If I got laid or got close, the place was "not bad", "pretty good", or "awesome"; if I failed to, the place was "crap" or a "waste of time". It took me a fair bit of traveling before I realized I was doing this. But due to the HIGHLY asymmetric returns of pickup, UNTIL YOU HAVE APPROACHED 200+ WOMEN ACROSS 2+ MONTHS IN A GIVEN TOWN, you don't know anything about it. Nothing. So don't kid yourself into thinking you have a valid opinion on what the dating scene looks like in that city, and don't believe your emotions when they try to tell you it's "awesome" or "crap" based off a handful of experiences.
In fact, I realized I used to think my hometown was crap for picking up without ever having done any approaching there. One day while visiting family I went out and did some approaches and my impression immediately changed.
My impressions of every city I've stayed in any length of time have been drastically different after several months and several hundred approaches than they were on first arrival. Towns that I thought were crappy because I didn't get laid at first have ended up becoming favorite towns because once I figured them out they were exceptional for girls, whereas other towns that I thought were amazing at first have turned out sometimes to never quite live up to that initial impression when I stayed on; the smaller the sample size of the number of approaches you've done in a place, the larger a chance luck plays and the less accurate your impression will be. Get good data before you let yourself come to any conclusions.
Chase
How big a difference does your location make on your results with girls?
It's actually quite bit. I discussed this to some extent on the main site here: "Meet Women More Easily: Location" and here: "How and Where to Move Overseas as a Single Man."
Small towns are more conservative. They're also more social circle oriented. The smaller your town, the more you've got to either be a top dog in the social circle, or well-established as both SUPER sexy and SUPER discreet. The former will get you girlfriends; the latter, hook ups. Without either, you'll have a tough time of it.
The bigger the town gets, the more you need cold approach and the more anonymous game comes into play, because you meet more and more strangers you share no social ties with and probably never will. You can shag a girl you just met on a park bench and she won't worry too much about it because you don't know anyone she knows and it will never get back to anyone. Try that in a small town and she's a lot more inclined to say no (unless, again, you're the super sexy, super discreet guy... or you're just passing through, not from there, and will never come back there again).
If you're living in a smaller town, I recommend moving to a big, dense city at least until you learn game. Small towns are good for raising families in, but not for picking up in. Your options for dating are limited, and it's very difficult to get enough practice in to noticeably upgrade yourself.
On the other hand, that also means that guys in small towns tend to have pretty bad game, and girls in small towns have lower walls to your approach. If you take some city game you developed over the course of a few years living in urban environments and move back to a small town for a while, you will usually clean up, because you so far outclass the other men there it isn't even close.
Things vary city-by-city as well. For instance, it's much easier to get laid in Washington, DC than it is in San Diego, CA. Yet, it's easier than DC in New York City, and harder than San Diego in La Jolla, the smaller, upscale town just north of SD. The smaller the place is, the more cliquish it tends to be, and the ratio of attractive single males to attractive single females also plays a big role.
At the same time, if you can't approach at ALL, changing cities will not magically get you a girlfriend. Think of changing locations if you're new as a way of giving yourself more women to meet. But if you never go out to meet women, it doesn't matter where you are, it's still going to suck.
If you've already got some game, changing cities makes a much bigger difference, because you can either head somewhere harder that will force you to step up your game, or you can go somewhere easier that will allow you to multiply your results with the same level of game you already have. Again, you must already have game to enjoy these benefits.
Should you change cities? If your town is so small that you don't see random attractive women on the street or in malls or at bars you can approach, then definitely yes. If there are still some, I'd suggest you get familiar approaching these women FIRST (and post plenty of field reports), and once you've got an idea about what the women in your town are like, then you can try somewhere else. At that point, you'll have a benchmark to judge against.
ON ILL-INFORMED OPINIONS:
Something to be very wary of: I used to catch myself doing this - I'd travel to some city, go out once or twice, only talk to a handful of women, and form an opinion about the place off of that. If I got laid or got close, the place was "not bad", "pretty good", or "awesome"; if I failed to, the place was "crap" or a "waste of time". It took me a fair bit of traveling before I realized I was doing this. But due to the HIGHLY asymmetric returns of pickup, UNTIL YOU HAVE APPROACHED 200+ WOMEN ACROSS 2+ MONTHS IN A GIVEN TOWN, you don't know anything about it. Nothing. So don't kid yourself into thinking you have a valid opinion on what the dating scene looks like in that city, and don't believe your emotions when they try to tell you it's "awesome" or "crap" based off a handful of experiences.
In fact, I realized I used to think my hometown was crap for picking up without ever having done any approaching there. One day while visiting family I went out and did some approaches and my impression immediately changed.
My impressions of every city I've stayed in any length of time have been drastically different after several months and several hundred approaches than they were on first arrival. Towns that I thought were crappy because I didn't get laid at first have ended up becoming favorite towns because once I figured them out they were exceptional for girls, whereas other towns that I thought were amazing at first have turned out sometimes to never quite live up to that initial impression when I stayed on; the smaller the sample size of the number of approaches you've done in a place, the larger a chance luck plays and the less accurate your impression will be. Get good data before you let yourself come to any conclusions.
Chase
