How can I steal or attract this girl away from her boyfriend?

[Johnny]

Hello everyone,

I discovered this board through an article on the main site regarding this very topic. I would love to get some input on this particular seduction of mine.

Here's what's happened so far:

I met this girl through cold approach at the university library. We started smiling to each other last spring and soon I started saying 'Hello' to her. Eventually, I stopped her in the hallway and started talking to her. My opening question was rather natural and indirect: "Did you have a nice holiday?" We talked for five minutes and did some basic rapport, until I said it was nice to meet her and that I'll probably run into her later.

After a few more meetings like this, I said, "Listen. I really like talking to you. Would you like to get together some day?"

Her reply, "That's very flattering and I do like talking to you, but I have a boyfriend."

Pity. But I continued acting like nothing had happened and continued showing interest in her whenever I ran into her. She's often with her girlfriend and rarely alone, but I've talked to both of them and also befriended the girlfriend. Still, our meetings are very brief and mostly running into each other in the stairs or in the hallway.

Just prior to Christmas, I saw her alone in the library and later that day I ran into her alone in the stairs where she was headed for lunch. Since I was with a friend, we just fluffed a little and I catched up with my friend. My friend had to leave, so I decided this was my perfect opportunity for some alone time with this girl. I entered the school cafeteria and found her seated alone at her table. Asked her if I could sit down and she did of course say yes. She had finished eating when I sat down, but we still spent a good 45 minutes talking and getting to know each other.

Finally, I felt that we started really relaxing in each other's company and actually got to know each other better.

Later that day, I saw her at the school's coffee bar as I was eating nearby. Since I'm usually the initiator, I decided to see if she would come to me. She did. And we had a little fun conversation. The barista which I know shouted over at me and gave me some social proof there as well. I included her in the fun.

This was the last day I saw her prior to the holidays and by now, I'm totally smitten with this girl. And based on our last day I just described, I was feeling that she liked me and were wondering if perhaps she wasn't together with her boyfriend any longer.

The bold move:

2015. By now, I hadn't seen her in around three weeks and I was impatient to see her. The university doesn't start until the middle of january. However, this girl has told me where she works. A small store not too far from where I live.

I wasn't quite sure whether this was a stalker move or not, but considering she had told me herself, I decided to go for it. I also figured this was a rather bold move and one that could possibly charm her and make an impression.

So, one day after school, I went to the store and entered. I had no idea if she was there, but she was! And her initial reaction was a smile. She seemed happy to see me. If she was freaked out, she at least hid it well. There were two customers inside the store, but I just went over to the counter and started talking to her.

We just talked about our holidays and what our plans were for 2015. At one point, I excused myself and said I'd better be leaving, but one of us said something else and we continued talking. Then, the customers left and we were alone in the store.

At this point, I told her: "Actually, I was wondering if you'd like to get together some day?"

Here, she just looked at me with a look communicating, "Are you asking me this again knowing I have a boyfriend?" Something like that. I felt she wasn't quite sure what to say. Typically, I like letting women sweat, but considering the situation and that I had showed up in her store, I decided to help her out, so I added:

"Or are you still together with your boyfriend?"

She confirmed that she was.

I then jokingly said, "So, when are the two of you getting married?"

She laughed and said, "Well, he hasn't asked yet."

I then asked, "Are you in love with your boyfriend?"

She said yes. She also added that he was soon moving home from a different country. Sounds like he's an exchange student, but I didn't inquire further.

I then said, "Well, as I'm sure you can tell, I do find you very charming and I wanted to ask you again. I hope you at least find it flattering and I do hope we can continue being friends and talking to each other at school."

She said she would like that. By now, I excused myself and wished her a nice day at work.

What next?

If this girl is really in love with her boyfriend, I'm not sure if there's much I can do, but I feel really strongly for this girl and I'm interested in a relationship with her if anyone thinks this is just about sex.

What I plan on doing is the following:

- Continue improving myself as a man
- Meet other girls

Whether we meet or not is really up to her, since we both spend time at a library separate from each other's school. There's also a multiple of libraries there, so she won't have any problems ignoring me if she wants to. She has showed up at my regular library plenty of times, so I do get the impression that she tends to want to have contact.

I'm just not sure if there's anything particular I should do beyond acting like nothing's happened and continue showing interest in her?

I have social proof from other girl's at school, but I can utilize this better though. Not sure if it helps at all, but I'm sure it can't hurt to be seen with other hot girls. At the same time, I want her to know that I'm serious about me and her. I don't think I could persuade her to leave her boyfriend if she doesn't believe I'm serious.

If relevant, this girl is rather shy and reserved. She's also Christian, although I'm not sure how serious she is about it.

Thanks very much in advance and sorry for the length of this.

Best,

Johnny

 

[Johnny]

I realize I'm new here and that it may be too much to expect people to read this whole story, but I would greatly appreciate your advice on this one.

For what it's worth, my strong infatuation with this girl has diminished, but I'm still interested in seducing her and stealing her from her boyfriend if I still find that my interest level is high the next time we meet.

I guess what I need advice on is how to act around her when we meet. For example:

1) Do I treat her like a friend and make her guess if I still like her or not the next time we meet? Even tell her flat out that I value our "friendship" and possibly slip that I have a date with another girl? Introducing other girls to make her jealous, i.e., be seen with other hot girls around campus?

2) Still continue "chasing" her, adoring her and inviting her out again without being needy and pathetic? That is, in a way where she still will know that I have a romantic interest in her, but also where I will meet other girls. I may even say to her that I'm meeting other girls, but that she's still my number one.

Just playing around here.

I'm wondering if the latter alternative is needed if I am to STEAL her away from her boyfriend though. She needs to know that I'm serious about it and that I'm there if she should decide to leave her BF.

The first alternative can still work, but I see it as a more passive approach that is probably dependent on us getting together if the relationship should end because of some other reason than me.

Thoughts?

Johnny

 

[Anonymous]

I get it. I've been in your shoes before. Many other men have been in your shoes. But you're wasting your time.

Maybe you succeed in getting her out with you. Maybe you do sweep her off her feet. Maybe you get her in bed and get intimate with her. Then what?

Congratulations. You've just made a girl cheat on her boyfriend. You've just succeeded in "stealing" her from her man.

I'm not here to pass moral judgment. But I should warn you, would you want to be with a woman that cheated on her man to be with you? What makes you think she won't do that to you? Again, this is your decision. But I just want to caution you before you go any further.

Also, you're clearly heavily invested in this girl. Are you meeting other women? Are you sharpening your social skills? It seems to me that you're fixated on a girl that isn't available nor will be. If she is really in love with her boyfriend, you're just attempting to interfere in a perfectly healthy relationship. That screams of a scarcity mindset to me.

Do yourself a favor. Go meet other women. Flirt. Charm them. Have fun with them. Get ballsy. Ask them out. Connect with them. Find out what you like. Don't get obsessed over one girl that isn't even your girlfriend and even more importantly, someone you haven't' even gotten intimate with. Seriously, tough love, but you need to get a hold of yourself and stop obsessing over this one girl.

 

[Johnny]

I dated five new women in December trying to forget her. I had a date this Sunday, but I ended up cancelling it, since I knew it would be a repeat of December.

So yeah, I'm meeting other girls. Will still do that.

 

[Johnny]

Well, I managed to set up a lunch date tomorrow at campus with this cutie I met yesterday. I will do my best to make sure boyfriend girl sees us. = )

 

[ProblemSolving]

Hi Johnny,

You are already heavily invested in a girl who is not interested (she probably would've been interested had she been single). Any advice that we do give you, will only cause you to become more invested in a girl whom you have very, VERY, little chance of getting with.

Given that you run into this girl from time to time, if she mentions problems with her relationship, or you meet her at the bar or party without her boyfriend, then she's probably looking to cheat. Otherwise forget about her and find other chicks that are interested.

Thinking about this girl is not a good use of your time.

 

[Johnny]

Hi Johnny,

You are already heavily invested in a girl who is not interested (she probably would've been interested had she been single). Any advice that we do give you, will only cause you to become more invested in a girl whom you have very, VERY, little chance of getting with.

Hi,

Of course I am. At one point I was in love with her. I'm far more sober now, though.

Given that you run into this girl from time to time, if she mentions problems with her relationship, or you meet her at the bar or party without her boyfriend, then she's probably looking to cheat. Otherwise forget about her and find other chicks that are interested.

Thinking about this girl is not a good use of your time.

This girl would never cheat. I'm interested in getting her to leave her boyfriend for me.

Again, I'm meeting other girls. Campus closed early today due to electricity issues, but I still have a date with a cutie from school someday this week. Most likely tomorrow, but I want to set it up so that boyfriend girl sees us.

Boyfriend girl remains my main target and I was hoping you guys had some good ideas on how to proceed as I thought this was a forum about seduction, not about giving up easily.

I'm quite sure that the guys who's pulled off something similar had to push through some resistance and didn't have the girl jump into their laps just from asking her out once.

Regards,

Johnny

 

[ProblemSolving]

I'm interested in getting her to leave her boyfriend for me.

Their relationship health has very little to do with you. If her boyfriend screws up the relationship by getting needy and chasing her, then she may start looking for a replacement and you may have a shot. At this point in time, it doesn't look like that's the case. Give it a few months and her situation may change, but why waste your time?

Boyfriend girl remains my main target and I was hoping you guys had some good ideas on how to proceed as I thought this was a forum about seduction, not about giving up easily.

Seduction is a two-way street my friend. You can't get her to do anything she doesn't want to do.

Again, I'm meeting other girls. Campus closed early today due to electricity issues, but I still have a date with a cutie from school someday this week. Most likely tomorrow, but I want to set it up so that boyfriend girl sees us

This is good. Focus on girls that WANT to be with you. This girl with the boyfriend likely doesn't care about the girls you're seeing, but there is small chance it creates some interest in you.

I'm quite sure that the guys who's pulled off something similar had to push through some resistance and didn't have the girl jump into their laps just from asking her out once

You asked her out twice right? Here's the thing about girls that leave or cheat on the their boyfriends, in pretty much all cases the girl is unsatisfied in some way with the relationship. If a girl is satisfied in a relationship, like it appears this one is, then you don't even have the opportunity to play the game. There's no magic tips or techniques for you execute because it's not dependent on you.

 

[Johnny]

Their relationship health has very little to do with you. If her boyfriend screws up the relationship by getting needy and chasing her, then she may start looking for a replacement and you may have a shot. At this point in time, it doesn't look like that's the case. Give it a few months and her situation may change, but why waste your time?

Yes, I suppose that's mostly true, at least if it's a really good relationship and they're both in love. Still, it must have happened thousands of times that someone were in a relationship and left that relationship because of a new person, even if their current relationship was good.

I suppose it would be after boredom or routine sets in though, not in the honeymoon phase.

Obviously, your chances are best if it's a bad relationship where either part is just looking for an excuse to break up.

Seduction is a two-way street my friend. You can't get her to do anything she doesn't want to do.

That's true. But sometimes people can get persuaded and lead on. There's levels to the human psyche and our desires.

This is good. Focus on girls that WANT to be with you. This girl with the boyfriend likely doesn't care about the girls you're seeing, but there is small chance it creates some interest in you.

Yes. I had a date this week on campus. Boyfriend girl didn't see us (she wasn't around), but her best friend saw us. Not sure if it matters at all.

The date was kind of boring, but I am meeting women, for sure.

You asked her out twice right? Here's the thing about girls that leave or cheat on the their boyfriends, in pretty much all cases the girl is unsatisfied in some way with the relationship. If a girl is satisfied in a relationship, like it appears this one is, then you don't even have the opportunity to play the game. There's no magic tips or techniques for you execute because it's not dependent on you.

Yes, you're probably right, assuming it's a relationship where she's actually satisfied. As I understood it, this is a long distance relationship, so I wonder if that's an advantage. It may not be though. It depends on how long that distance is supposed to last. She did mention he was moving home soon.

Regards and thanks,

Johnny

 

[ProblemSolving]

Yes, I suppose that's mostly true, at least if it's a really good relationship and they're both in love.

A girl doesn't have to be in "love" with a guy in order to stay with him. Most of the time, they are only somewhat satisfied, but like most people, they want to stay within their comfort-zone.

Still, it must have happened thousands of times that someone were in a relationship and left that relationship because of a new person, even if their current relationship was good.

Absolutely, it happens a lot, but you seem to miss the "How" and "Why" is happens. For example, a friend of mine came to me about a girl he had met at university and wanted my experienced opinion. He had hung out with her and some other friends from school, going out, getting drinks etc. They talked, flirted, traded numbers and really hit it off. They were texting each other all the time and he was worried because he couldn't stop thinking about her, but didn't want to make a move because she had a boyfriend. I told him, "Strike while the iron is hot". He needed to escalate on this chick ASAP, she was ready to go.

A few weeks later, my buddy had a new girlfriend, he had "stolen" her from someone else. I met them both at a party, and they BOTH thanked me for getting them together.

This is how the vast majority of relationships happen. Girl in relationship becomes unsatisfied, then she starts taking on "single girl" behaviors. She starts putting herself in situations where she can become seduced: going to the bar, parties, or traveling, online dating, meeting up with other guys.

If a girl doesn't put herself in a situation to be seduced, you have nothing.

 

[Johnny]

Absolutely, it happens a lot, but you seem to miss the "How" and "Why" is happens.

Well, that was the reason I made this thread, so that I could get some input on the "How" and the "Why".

For example, a friend of mine came to me about a girl he had met at university and wanted my experienced opinion. He had hung out with her and some other friends from school, going out, getting drinks etc. They talked, flirted, traded numbers and really hit it off. They were texting each other all the time and he was worried because he couldn't stop thinking about her, but didn't want to make a move because she had a boyfriend. I told him, "Strike while the iron is hot". He needed to escalate on this chick ASAP, she was ready to go.

A few weeks later, my buddy had a new girlfriend, he had "stolen" her from someone else. I met them both at a party, and they BOTH thanked me for getting them together.

Great. What was his move then? Physical escalation?

This is how the vast majority of relationships happen. Girl in relationship becomes unsatisfied, then she starts taking on "single girl" behaviors. She starts putting herself in situations where she can become seduced: going to the bar, parties, or traveling, online dating, meeting up with other guys.

If a girl doesn't put herself in a situation to be seduced, you have nothing.

Agreed. That's why I said that for this seduction to continue or even be possible, she needs to show up at my library and not avoid me.

For what it's worth, I haven't seen her yet, but I know she's just started again and I've gone long periods without seeing her earlier so I'm not yet concluding that she's avoiding me.

 

[ProblemSolving]

Great. What was his move then? Physical escalation?

Yes, physical escalation. When she puts herself in a situation to be seduced, she expects you to escalate and make it happen.

But notice how there wasn't any major resistance to overcome or special techniques to execute to get the girl. She was ready to cheat, my buddy just needed someone to tell him he had the green light to make it happen and to not tell her about his feelings.

 

[Johnny]

Yes. I get that. In that situation, I suppose one could even say there wasn't any seduction involved. They were in a situation where they could spend time together without it being about seduction, simply ended up liking each other and she liking him more than her boyfriend.

My situation is more difficult, especially considering that we're not in the same social circle and that I met her off cold-approach. She's also not the type of girl who would sneak around around her boyfriends back. We did have lunch together for almost an hour prior to the holidays and that was great in terms of building rapport and connection.

But it happened in a way where she didn't do anything wrong per se. She was just seated in the cafeteria and I asked if I could join her. We got to have one-on-one time together without it being a date. I would have loved to done more of those and it is of course essential if we are to get closer to each other. I wonder if I can invite her for a coffee the next time we meet.

I was hoping someone had some more practical and strategical tips that could be useful.

For example on strategy:

Do I continue flirting, jokingly ask her out (knowing she will most likely say no) and show intent?

Or do I pretend that I'm over her, indirectly tell her about other girls, be seen with other girls, etc, but all the time still being friendly and interested in her?

I'm leaning towards the first, since that's more me.

PS: I saw her briefly last week. We were both with people, so it wasn't natural to stop, but she flashed me a great smile.