Socializing How do I avoid ending up in a follower position in a group I met recently?

[Searcher]

I ran into a situation where I was talking to a girl I met in a group with two guys and two girls. One of them was a couple.

Later one of the guys spoke in a demanding tone to change locations. Unfortunately the girls were getting bored and agreed.
The way he phrased it was "Let's go to XYZ place" in a ordering tone.
I thought of suggesting a different place but most places were closed at the time.

Now how do I go along with the group without seeming like I am following him.

I ran into such a situation at work too when my boss called in a ordering tone for "an important talk" when he saw me talking with a girl. The guy pulls such moves whenever he sees me talking with a girl.
How would you handle this?

 

[Will_V]

I ran into a situation where I was talking to a girl I met in a group with two guys and two girls. One of them was a couple.

Later one of the guys spoke in a demanding tone to change locations. Unfortunately the girls were getting bored and agreed.
The way he phrased it was "Let's go to XYZ place" in a ordering tone.
I thought of suggesting a different place but most places were closed at the time.

Now how do I go along with the group without seeming like I am following him.

If you're new to the group, what makes you think you are going to lead it?

The idea that going along with a group that you're new to is somehow shameful, is very counterproductive and makes no sense. If a leader is doing a good job, giving good orders, and not personally pushing back against you, what's the problem? Someone has to do it.

Just hang around, make sure everyone enjoys your company and sees other people enjoying your company, and focus on the girl(s) you want.

I ran into such a situation at work too when my boss called in a ordering tone for "an important talk" when he saw me talking with a girl. The guy pulls such moves whenever he sees me talking with a girl.
How would you handle this?

This is entirely different, as it's personal. You're probably best off trying to build a better relationship with him as he is sitting on the branch above you.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Yea...

That's the manipulation. What is the difference between genuine unknown territory and gaslighting?

Your primary concern is how I can be perceived as a valuable guy before entering a social circle. How can I just enter Girlschase.com and everyone perceive me as high value, as example.

The answer, varies because there's many context.

p.s:

I listen to Girlschase SoundCloud yesterday. I realize how much Girlschase knowledge can also be use for evil. And some people, I can say, deserves it. Because they know that they are hurting you.

z@c+

 

[Searcher]

Your primary concern is how I can be perceived as a valuable guy before entering a social circle. How can I just enter Girlschase.com and everyone perceive me as high value, as example.

My message seems to have been misinterpreted.
It's not appearing higher value before entering a social circle. It's about avoiding ending up looking like I was ordered around.

I feel when someone says a direct statement like "Let's go to XYZ" and I agree I look like a follower and the other person as leading me.

Even when I am leading a group in casual situations or work I phrase it in a way that agreeing to it doesn't make them look like a follower and there we are equals as in

"we will go to XYZ place, who is upto it? Or has any other ideas"

What is your say on this?

 

[Fuck This]

Over time you provide leadership...Not on your first interaction. Early on act like a guest who is being entertained and is appreciative.

Become a leader by having another Social circle you can invite the group to and be a host...

 

[Toby2030]

You don't have to always lead the group. If you have a stronger reality and immerse people around you, you will be fine. It's not always the best option to lead the group.

 

[Regal Tiger]

I ran into a situation where I was talking to a girl I met in a group with two guys and two girls. One of them was a couple.

Later one of the guys spoke in a demanding tone to change locations. Unfortunately the girls were getting bored and agreed.
The way he phrased it was "Let's go to XYZ place" in a ordering tone.
I thought of suggesting a different place but most places were closed at the time.

Now how do I go along with the group without seeming like I am following him.

You just go along with it. You don't point it out, you don't add any thoughts to it or anything like that. You just say that's a good idea, thanks for looking out for us

If you're strictly asking from a Machiavellian standpoint, you lose 'leader' points because of it. But the overall effect of it is negligible (imagine in a video game losing 10 hp when you have like 10K total)

But even still, if you want to minimize it as much as possible then you come from the frame that he was looking out for you and had your (you and the groups) best interest in mind. Also showing appreciation will help bond you two together a little bit. Lastly, when you say thank you to him you can put your arm around him in a friendly way (IF, AND I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH IF you are at least somewhat friends already). Just know though, that you're going to risk coming off like a dick

I ran into such a situation at work too when my boss called in a ordering tone for "an important talk" when he saw me talking with a girl. The guy pulls such moves whenever he sees me talking with a girl.
How would you handle this?

"Sounds good man" -to your boss

Then you continue with the girl for a solid 20-30 seconds and tell her you have to go but you'll talk more soon. In addition, IF (and again you need some hella calibration for this kinda shit) you suspect that she's annoyed with him too you can throw in an ever so slight dig at the boss (out of earshot of him to her) that you just wish he 'got it' more, y'know? And then walk off

Though doing this you run the risk of pissing him off even more, which if he wants to can really throw you under the bus. So you have to be willing to accept that risk and know a bit about your boss' personality.


For example, I had a boss that would purposefully (and I know it was on purpose cuz I'd see him see me out of the corner of his eyes, sneaky little fuck) get in my way in a restaurant after I flirted with one of the girls from his other restaurant (damn she had nice tits). He would give me this condescending tone of "Oh, I didn't see you there" as if he was above me.

Well after one or two of these I just said, in an equally condescending tone "that's alright, I know you have trouble sometimes. I forgive you" while giving him a nice little pat on the arm (but I made sure to slightly push into his gut with every pat, so picture more forearm area). He was fat btw and the look on his face let me know that he was questioning if I meant it that way. And yes, I did.



Anywhoo, all that aside I'll point out that you're going to run risks doing shit like this at work. I didn't care because it was a restaurant job. Those are a dime a dozen. If I piss off my boss I can just go get another one the next day. You may not have that luxury though, so keep that in mind.


In addition, I think a part of the reason you're getting a little pushback from the forum here is because if you're seeing friend groups as out to get you, it's possible you're being a little over paranoid about it. Not saying that's what's happening, just saying it's a possibility. Because if someone in the group isn't purposefully picking you out about something, it's HIGHLY unlikely that they're acting against you when they do something with the group

Another possibility with your friend group is that the guy is the leader and also the type to be mr. macho lead the chicks kinda guy and might come off as kinda boorish. Also a possibility, I dunno, I wasn't there. Just food for thought just in case.

Because if you go full on Machiavelli you're probably not going to make yourself happy like that. Just my personal opinion/advice to you

 

[Searcher]

You just go along with it. You don't point it out, you don't add any thoughts to it or anything like that. You just say that's a good idea, thanks for looking out for us

If you're strictly asking from a Machiavellian standpoint, you lose 'leader' points because of it. But the overall effect of it is negligible (imagine in a video game losing 10 hp when you have like 10K total)

But even still, if you want to minimize it as much as possible then you come from the frame that he was looking out for you and had your (you and the groups) best interest in mind. Also showing appreciation will help bond you two together a little bit. Lastly, when you say thank you to him you can put your arm around him in a friendly way (IF, AND I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH IF you are at least somewhat friends already). Just know though, that you're going to risk coming off like a dick


"Sounds good man" -to your boss

Then you continue with the girl for a solid 20-30 seconds and tell her you have to go but you'll talk more soon. In addition, IF (and again you need some hella calibration for this kinda shit) you suspect that she's annoyed with him too you can throw in an ever so slight dig at the boss (out of earshot of him to her) that you just wish he 'got it' more, y'know? And then walk off

Though doing this you run the risk of pissing him off even more, which if he wants to can really throw you under the bus. So you have to be willing to accept that risk and know a bit about your boss' personality.


For example, I had a boss that would purposefully (and I know it was on purpose cuz I'd see him see me out of the corner of his eyes, sneaky little fuck) get in my way in a restaurant after I flirted with one of the girls from his other restaurant (damn she had nice tits). He would give me this condescending tone of "Oh, I didn't see you there" as if he was above me.

Well after one or two of these I just said, in an equally condescending tone "that's alright, I know you have trouble sometimes. I forgive you" while giving him a nice little pat on the arm (but I made sure to slightly push into his gut with every pat, so picture more forearm area). He was fat btw and the look on his face let me know that he was questioning if I meant it that way. And yes, I did.



Anywhoo, all that aside I'll point out that you're going to run risks doing shit like this at work. I didn't care because it was a restaurant job. Those are a dime a dozen. If I piss off my boss I can just go get another one the next day. You may not have that luxury though, so keep that in mind.


In addition, I think a part of the reason you're getting a little pushback from the forum here is because if you're seeing friend groups as out to get you, it's possible you're being a little over paranoid about it. Not saying that's what's happening, just saying it's a possibility. Because if someone in the group isn't purposefully picking you out about something, it's HIGHLY unlikely that they're acting against you when they do something with the group

Another possibility with your friend group is that the guy is the leader and also the type to be mr. macho lead the chicks kinda guy and might come off as kinda boorish. Also a possibility, I dunno, I wasn't there. Just food for thought just in case.

Because if you go full on Machiavelli you're probably not going to make yourself happy like that. Just my personal opinion/advice to you

Thanks for the elaborate response. I will definitely have to change the mindset of being a Machiavelli and not thinking that most interactions are a bean counter of value, something I am working on.