How do I keep things purely sexual for the long run?

[NotAnOctopus]

I've been doing a lot of online dating recently, and I generally always have sex on the first or second date. No problem there. What's challenging, however, is trying to keep the relationships purely sexual. I just got out of a long relationship, and I'm in no rush to get back into one. Ideally, I'd have 3 or 4 hookup buddies that I could see regularly over a long period of time.

Instead, what I've been getting is 3 or 4 women trying to convince me to settle down with them. Inevitably, the women I date will ask where things are going after 5-6 dates, or they may even get offended sooner than that, because the dates I plan always remain super simple ("come over to my place"), and because I always decline the party dates they invite me to ("come get brunch with my friends"). They end up breaking things off with me, and so I constantly have to go on more first dates and find new women.

Is this because I'm using dating apps? Is it because the women I'm seeing are in their early 30s? Am I too nice? Am I being looked at as some sort of provider? I have a great job and an obviously nice apartment, but I try to downplay it, and I do my best to disqualify myself as boyfriend material by moving fast, keeping dates simple, and trying to disqualify myself by talking about how often I have to be out of town for work. None of it seems to be effective.

Any tips?

I love all the articles Chase has written on the website, but feel like most of them are about "how to get laid," rather than, "how to keep getting laid for as long as possible."

 

[Fuck This]

The Blackdragon blog has a good article or two on that

 

[NotAnOctopus]

Good recommendation. I'm not sure what specific posts you're referring to, so I went through his archive and clicked the ones I found interesting. The general gist I got from what I read was to think of women as being in one of three categories: friends with benefits, one of multiple long-term relationship partners ("MTLR"), or someone you're completely committed to.

In my mind, I've been blurring the lines between the first two categories. In reality, most women I'm seeing I feel absolutely zero for, and they should be merely friends with benefits. And there are some women who I enjoy going on dates with and actually have some interest in, but simply don't want to be exclusive with. I should do a better job "slotting" women into one of these two categories instead of mashing them together.

In this article and this one (and in the comments) he talks a bit more in-depth about how to manage a relationship without it escalating to a level where women expect exclusivity. Some of his specific tips:

1. Only see her once a week.
2. Don’t initiate conversation often. That means texting, email, Facebook, whatever. Once or twice a week is your maximum.
3. Make her cum every time you have sex.
4. Don’t talk about the relationship, even if she brings it up. The Talk should not happen for at least three months into the relationship, though longer is better.
5. No boyfriend behaviors. (fancy dates, meeting parents, expensive gifts, traveling together, telling her you miss/love her, etc.)

I'm already doing all of these things right, so no worries there. But he goes even further if you want someone to remain purely a friend with benefits:

Hang out with her at your place or her place, have sex, talk a little if you like, watch a little TV with her, but that’s it. Don’t take her out. Don’t spend the night. Don’t cuddle after sex. That’s MLTR stuff, and if you do that with her, you’re in for problems.

So maybe my issue is that even my "come over to my place" dates are too elaborate. Sometimes we'll make dinner, they always spend the night, we tend to cuddle after sex, etc. Not good for someone I just want to be a hookup buddy.

Another point he makes is related to age: that women over 33 are just tougher to deal with. So I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that the women I date around that range are more resistant to not being exclusive. Maybe I'll start dating younger women and change my filters on these apps.

Finally, he has a post about how to handle The Talk. I think I've been screwing that one up as well. He recommends being a little bit sarcastic about seeing other women ("Of course I am! I just had sex with a cheerleader this morning."), to communicate that the answer is "yes" but that you don't really want to talk about it seriously. Personally, I've been a little bit too serious, direct, and matter-of-fact about things when they bring it up. He also recommends never letting the conversation drag out for more than 5 or 10 minutes, and I've let it go for 30+ minutes before.

Anyway, I'll try to make some changes and report back in a few months or so.