- Joined
- Jan 17, 2019
- Messages
- 774
One thing I've noticed as I've tried to improve my physical skills with women (which has been one of my biggest sticking points) is that I’m feeling incongruence when talking to friends, girlfriends of friends, family, coworkers, kids and women I am not attracted to. It’s as if the emotional part of my brain wants to get closer to them (obviously not sexually but as in being much closer physically, touching them and using strong dominant eye contact) but the logical part of my brain is saying “no, these are your friends, family and coworkers – keep your distance, you don’t want to give them the wrong idea, you might get in trouble. The guys might think you’re gay and the old ladies/unattractive girls will think you’re coming onto them, you might look like a pedo”.
It’s like, the emotional state is trying to override this barrier because it’s easier to be congruent with all people you meet (and then just going one step further with the girls you want). This is a good state to be in, but I’m still afraid.
Looking back on everyone I knew who was good with women (including my coach from last year), they all seem to act this way with everyone – my coach would get uncomfortably close to me when talking to me for instance – and I don’t want to trigger this reaction in anyone or give them the wrong idea.
This is very confusing – and I’m wondering how you guys who are really good deal with it. Do you just accept that this will happen? The thing is, I know that acting this way with people does actually make most of them more at ease with you, but I guess a small part of me is thinking “what if I make one move that is misconstrued and I get a sexual assault allegation?”
It’s like, the emotional state is trying to override this barrier because it’s easier to be congruent with all people you meet (and then just going one step further with the girls you want). This is a good state to be in, but I’m still afraid.
Looking back on everyone I knew who was good with women (including my coach from last year), they all seem to act this way with everyone – my coach would get uncomfortably close to me when talking to me for instance – and I don’t want to trigger this reaction in anyone or give them the wrong idea.
This is very confusing – and I’m wondering how you guys who are really good deal with it. Do you just accept that this will happen? The thing is, I know that acting this way with people does actually make most of them more at ease with you, but I guess a small part of me is thinking “what if I make one move that is misconstrued and I get a sexual assault allegation?”
Last edited:
