How do you guys handle flakes over text?

[Bboy100]

Hey guys. So, this last week, I had three dates flake over text. What I mean by that is that we'd set up a date earlier on. Then, I normally text them the day before or the day of asking them if we're still on. Three times, I got no reply. So I assumed she wasn't going on the date. This has also happened to me several other times. Leaving out the "are we still on" text might cause more social pressure for her to go on the date. But at the same time, I don't really want to leave it out because I would then run the risk of just going on the date and having her not show up which would be even worse. Or, if its been a while since we texted, she might assume the date is off (I've had this happen several times). At any rate, how do you guys normally deal with this type of flaky behavior?

 

[Smith]

Hey Bboy,

I don't normally ask "are we still on?". I just assume it's on because asking her that question is giving her a choice to flake on you. Assume it's on and text her where to meet you. If she flakes, depends on whether she's keen to reschedule and how much I want to see her again, I'll text her probably a week later and try again.

 

[Man-O]

I'd avoid it as much as possible but if you got worries then make it a fun text showcasing you aren't scared of her flaking, which the text "Are we still on?" is the contrary to.
Girls want it simple and they want intrigue. By giving them that question in text you give them the responsibility and then they're not chasing you as much as before.

 

[Bboy100]

Assume it's on and text her where to meet you.

I only said her the "Are we on" text if I've already scheduled everything. Including were we're meeting. If not, than I"ll send her a text telling her were we're meeting. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be much of a difference in flake rate between the two.

make it a fun text showcasing you aren't scared of her flaking

I feel like this might fall into the "entertainer/funny guy category". But I could be wrong. Do you have an example of what you usually send?

 

[Franco]

Bboy,

I only said her the "Are we on" text if I've already scheduled everything. Including were we're meeting. If not, than I"ll send her a text telling her were we're meeting. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be much of a difference in flake rate between the two.

Even if you've scheduled everything, asking her if you're "still on" is still not a good way to follow up. If anything, just send her a text in the middle of the day stating, "I'm looking forward to seeing you tonight, Jessica. Wear something cute " or something along the lines of assuming you're still going so that she pretty much has to respond (even if she still flakes). Assuming it's still on is the path of least resistance for her to still accept the date as well as confirm with her whether or not it's happening.

- Franco

 

[Bboy100]

Franco,

So, I've done this a few times now. And its mostly worked well.
However, it did backfire on me today. I said to a girl on tinder: I'm looking forward to seeing you tonight, [Her name]. Wear something cute.

I guess she took it the wrong way.

Her: Are you serious?

Me: About what?

Her: That I should wear something cute. [I'm genuinely confused at this point. lol]

Me: Oh. lol. Thats up to you. We're not going anywhere formal [She already knew were we were going], so don't wear a super fancy $200 dress or anything. But other than that, feel free to wear whatever you'd like.

Her: Sorry, but I think I can't make it tonight. It seems we have different expectations. [I'm guessing she thought I was implying that I want her to hook up with me immediately? lol]



I did manage to save that interaction and get the date back. I feel like this is an outlying case, and I may not have handled her initial "Are you serious" response correctly. Moreover, this usually won't happen to begin with. But maybe there's a better way to phrase the original line to avoid scenarios like this in the future?

 

[Franco]

Bboy,

However, it did backfire on me today. I said to a girl on tinder: I'm looking forward to seeing you tonight, [Her name]. Wear something cute.

Haha, well I guess I should have excluded it from the example, but the point of the text was the "I expect to see you tonight" part. But I occasionally throw in something like "wear something cute " if she's relatively receptive and the conversation has been going well. Feel free to add that part in or take it away at your discretion!

Me: Oh. lol. Thats up to you. We're not going anywhere formal [She already knew were we were going], so don't wear a super fancy $200 dress or anything. But other than that, feel free to wear whatever you'd like.

You kind of tripped up on your response here and had this frame of "oh whoops, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that; wear whatever you like!" It came across as a bit weak as opposed to just playing it off or challenging it. It sounds like you still got the date though and turned it around here, so no harm done. =)

I did manage to save that interaction and get the date back. I feel like this is an outlying case, and I may not have handled her initial "Are you serious" response correctly. Moreover, this usually won't happen to begin with.

Keep in mind that some girls are just viewing you as a Friend or a Provider, which is why it can actually be good sometimes to use compliments or sexuality -- it'll help you screen them out. In some cases, a girl may have just been hoping to get some good conversation and a free dinner from a guy who seems like he's willing to provide that, so if you say something like, "wear something sexy " and she responds negatively, then you essentially just helped yourself screen out a woman who didn't see you as a sexual option to begin with, and you possibly saved yourself some money!

- Franco

 

[Bboy100]

Haha, well I guess I should have excluded it from the example, but the point of the text was the "I expect to see you tonight" part. But I occasionally throw in something like "wear something cute " if she's relatively receptive and the conversation has been going well. Feel free to add that part in or take it away at your discretion!

Ah, I see. I thought the follow up was important because its what makes it sound like a playful/natural text. Whereas, if I said, "I'm looking forward to see you!" it still feels like its seeking some sort of reaction. Like I'm testing to see "is she really going to show up? I want her to confirm. So I'll send this text".

you kind of tripped up on your response here and had this frame of "oh whoops, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that

Yeah,it did feel wrong for some reason. But as I wrote it, I was just confused at wtf she means when she said "Are you serious?". So I just gave her a very literal answer. lol. She later explained to me that asking her to "wear something cute" makes her feel uncomfortable in the same way that someone "asking her for pics" does. lol
Maybe it was a cultural thing? She was a German Au Pair. But I still feel like German culture is similar to the US as far as dating and relationships go. lol