How do you know if its time to switch locations and find a new city?

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I know moving for girls alone is a bad idea but I have met guys who are in towns where they say the dating culture is terrible for them. Chase has written about this a bit in abundance mentality posts and hinted at it in other areas. What I want to know is this, how do you know if it is time for you to switch locations and find a new city rather than the fact that your fundamentals and game are the problem?

 

[Estate]

I would only do it citing "dating" or "pickup" as the main reasons if you can genuinely say that you have totally maxed out your skills in your current location.
i.e. you feel you are absolutely on top of your game, have worked on all you can work on, are having regular success but feel you cannot take it any further where you are now.

If you are not actively working on this and improving and having some success (even if it's not Solid 10 "bombshells" left, right and center) then moving just is not the answer IMO.

I've said it before. I moved from Europe to the U.S. Things are different here... but only in terms of dynamics.
There are parts of game which are MUCH easier here as opposed to my hometown but equally there are things which are much HARDER compared to home.

And besides all that, there is plenty which is eqaul the world over... i.e. if I just could not pick up women in Europe, then a move to the U.S. will make no difference, I will still be the same person and lacking the same skills.

 

[Zoro]

^^^^^^ What Estate said... ^^^^^

I want to add that you can also explore different areas of your city. There is a section of my city I'm looking to move to because everything thats going on that a 20-something wants to do happens here. I constantly see attractive girls walking the streets in this area and events/festivals are held here. Being a step away from all of this means logistical paradise. Contrast that with my current living situation (30 mins away in a quiet suburb.)

If you leave with the idea of "this place sucks, I'm going somewhere else..." then you're going to be stuck with the same issues. On the flip-side if you leave saying, "Well I checked out EVERYTHING and it was cool (no doubt you will find at least some positives about a place with a thorough investigation) now let me check out another area and see what its got," I think you will be much more likely to find a place you enjoy.


- J

 

[Marty]

I would approach this more broadly, related to overall personal growth.

I don't know how old you are, Altair, but I get the impression that there are many members here who are fairly young, e.g. just graduating and entering the workforce. This is a perfect time of life to place yourself in a location which will foster your growth.

Most often this means surrounding yourself with people who challenge you, set a high intellectual bar for you, and thus supercharge your development. Almost always, this will be in a big city. Think about that when you start considering your first (or next) job opportunity. It's perfectly possible to live in a big city and miss out on all the benefits, of course, by spending most of your time alone. But if you are internally driven, by placing yourself among people like the man you aspire to be, you maximize your chances of success—overall, not just in one particular area of your development.

 

[Estate]

Marty makes a good point.

I didn't mean to disparage moving to a place you feel is better for you. I did it myself. The key point I'd pick out from what Marty says though is if it's about overall personal growth. I had out gown my hometown. For me it was about quality of life, career goals, and a number of other things. I did see a bigger city as a place to grown in terms of meeting women... which I have but it was not the only reason. I feel like Altair wants to give up everything with no real plan, just to go to the city and have a bombshell just fall into his lap. This won't happen. You'll get a higher concentration of woman but also they have more options and competition is fierce.. so its really no easier.

That's why I say you have to be able to get the calibre of woman you want in your own town with the skills you have before you can go somewhere else and ever hope to up your game.

I actually think coming to a city without already maxing out your potential at home is so much harder as you're even further behind the game in a big city.

I'm all for moving if there is a plan and it improves your life but dropping everything and assuming the grass is greener and all these "bombshells" will throw themselves at you? There'll be a rude awakening.
..

 

[Marty]

Estate:

I actually think coming to a city without already maxing out your potential at home is so much harder as you're even further behind the game in a big city.

I totally agree with this. In fact, I regard all the work I've put in over the past year as a "dry-run" in my current city, as there's a better than 50% chance that I will move elsewhere within the coming 12 months. In that case, I will take the learning I have consolidated and apply it in the new environment, which as Chase pointed out recently, can be a huge boost to your confidence. By contrast, moving without having done any work in advance, and consequently finding yourself (predictably) similarly lacking in options would have the opposite effect on motivation.

If Altair's focus is narrowly on the subject of this site—contact with the opposite sex—then I'd also mention surrounding yourself with girls and women as a good policy. Not cute babes that you're constantly obsessing about, but a diverse array of members of the female sex. If you're socially perceptive and intelligent, you can draw some pretty smart conclusions pretty fast by observing their behavior and their social dynamics in their interaction with you.

Say there's a girl who's friendly and nice but doesn't excite you. You're cordial with her and gentlemanly, but fairly dismissive. She notices both your warmth and your outcome independence, and starts acting funny... asking you permission for something where none is needed, for instance, or going out of her way to spend time with you. You notice this and it stokes your curiosity, but you just want to see what happens, you're not invested in the result. This is exactly what boosts attraction still further—your perceptiveness coupled with detachment—and she starts to be more obvious in making herself available to you.

If you can distill what you did just there and force yourself, in spite of your instinctive yearnings, to act out the same game with a girl you do like—maybe a little awkwardly at first, but on repeated occasions and improving over time—then all of a sudden you've created a benign habit and consciously honed your ability. You can't do that, though, unless you have material to work with available on a constant (or at least regular) basis.

None of that necessarily requires relocation, though relocation may have that incidental benefit if you plan it well.

-Marty

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Estate has made some amazing posts in the past but in this instance I feel like he is being a bit too hard on the kid. Lets read Altair's story, he might be an early 20s virgin but he has approached women and even done the whole PUA thing to rid himself of approach anxiety. In all of his threads he has outlined what he believes has stopped him from doing well with the opposite sex. I believe he actually wants to achieve results with the opposite sex rather than cry about it.

I want to highlight somethings about small towns and small city dynamics here in the USA since I grew up in a smaller city in Kansas.

1. Most of the population consists of middle aged people and the elderly.
2. The young population consists mainly of high schoolers.
3. Everyone is in everyone's business, they know who you are dating and who has been with who, this can be uncomfortable.
4. Social circles are tight and formed early in life such as high school or through Church.
5. The whole lifestyle Girlschase promotes (sleeping around is the idea I get) is looked down upon and can get you unwanted attention.
6. Most of the attractive women are married or parts of very tight social circles that are hard to penetrate, I believe Altair mentioned that he was Libyan or something so it would be tougher for him than it would be for a White male from a big city.

In the big cities the competition is fierce for hot women (where isn't it fierce?) but hot women are so plentiful (depending on the city) that it kinda works out for a guy who aggressively puts the time into talking to women. You also have to take into account that a lot of people don't care if a guy is sleeping around, the moral police found in a lot of the small towns in the USA is not there anymore.

I also found that there was a variety in the kind of women I was pursuing. In a small town it was White girls who listened to country music and gossiped with high school friends. In big cities it was European girls, White Latinas, Canadian girls, American girls trying to make it big in modeling, big city White girls, hipster girls, etc.

Don't think OP is the one with the taste for the blonde bombshell all american kind of girls but to a guy stuck in a small town to where that is all he sees, that might end up being his ideal.

As for whether or not to move, we would just have to know about the town or city itself.

 

[Estate]

Yeah, i mean, I wasn't trying to be overly harsh.

But he did ask how do you know it's its time.. like the RIGHT time.

As I said, I have moved about, I've already done it and I figure I could at least give my opinion. I'm not looking at it through rose colored glasses assuming the grass is always greener.
There are TONS of positives about moving. But I found when I moved I REALLY had no comfort zones anymore, I HAD to push, persue, make a fool of myself, fail and repeat many, many times over until things came together. And that is not just bout girls, it's about life, making friends, making money, building a career and lots more.

So I won't go around saying "everything is awesome" when he needs to be realistic.

If moving is about LIFE and all the things that come with it, moving can be AWESOME. It can enhance your life so much. But I still feel like the OP is not maxing his potential at home. He feels "bombshells" are not with him because of his race, and is looking for outside factors like location of blame.
Like the guy who says "If only I was 2 inches taller, everything would be awesome!"... oh really?

Sorry, I've seen other PUA forums full of delusion. Guys find this "red pill" (to coin a phrase I hate), and all of a sudden they thing everyone else is dumb and they are smart. With their new found "knowledge", the rules of life no longer apply to them, they have it all figured out. I'm not aiming this piece at the OP, I just mean I see it a lot, so that's why I tend not to sugar coat anything, I think for the main part this board is full of guys who are realistic but tell it like it is, no delusions... you work hard to get what you want... and that's why I like being here.

 

[Richard]

I'm in TOTAL agreeance with Estate and Marty on this one - and in Estate's fashion speaking what's one on one's mind I'll be doing the same.

and actually Estate - as a side note I'd like to inbox you about your journey in choosing to move and switch locations because I'll be doing the same soon.

Altair,

As I just said I'm ready to move out of here I'll give you my thoughts on why.

- My current area does not foster my growth as a person, and isn't capable of fostering my career plans so it's better for me to move in those regards.
-The quality of education and living in my destined area is much much higher than anything around here.
- More social opportunities in the new place like women and friends - and more opportunities in general actually.

In essence I'm choosing to move for college - but for me, moving entails having brand new freedoms available to me.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Well to be fair and offer more of a perspective, here is my situation.

- Virgin at 21
- Have approached a lot of women (tried the whole cold approach thing out, not a good idea in a small town or small city because you build a reputation fast)
- Comfortable talking to women
- Terrible at closing it seems
- Not that open minded or flexible (a lot of Black and some Southeast Asian girls in my area but I just don't have a preference for either, I prefer White, Middle Eastern, and Latin and my area only has mostly White which is a group I struggle with)

So I am not the best I can be but I am running out of options here. Now the place I live in is a small city in Tennessee with a population of over 100,000 people. Most of the population is older people (over the age of 35) so there are not many girls in the 20s group I can go after. There is a university nearby which somewhat helps but since Greek Life is huge, that presents another struggle.

I am just caught at this mental crossroad to where I am deciding if it is me or if it is the area. The reason I came to Girlschase is to see results with kind of girls I am into (in this case White since we don't have much of the other two here) because I have always struggled with them but there are some social taboos which apply. Looking like an outsider (foreigner), I cannot efficiently date a girl that is above average looking and White without catching some heat for it.

Then there are the girls, we do have hot girls here, I have seen them, but they are very low in numbers. It is tough to find many girls in the 18-30 range. A lot of women are married too.

I am just so confused as to whether the problem is me (inexperienced and not open minded/flexible enough) or whether it is my area. Somehow I feel that even though logistics are bad I am not trying hard enough but then I wonder if there truly is a bigger world out there.

Yes, one of the main reasons I want to move is so I can get the kind of girls I want. I don't expect anything to fall on my lap, don't even know why someone would say that. What I do expect is to invest enough time around certain groups of girls and after I have improved enough, being able to get those kinds of girls. Not "bombshells" but I do have a strong racial preference. For some reason I notice that a lot of Black and Southeast Asian (filipino and thai) women I run into are strongly into me and send me powerful IOIs but I am just not interested. The White girls I do want never do that even when I have an uncaring attitude towards them. Plus if I was to date one (White girl) here it would cause some problems since my neck of the woods isn't that tolerant of that sort of stuff.

I am just lost as to whether I need to keep on improving where I am at or if moving would be the best option if I get a job established.