- Joined
- Jun 13, 2016
- Messages
- 23
I was at a party that turned into a bar crawl yesterday, and I got really comfortable with this cute girl.
We were dancing really tight to each other, talking later with lots of physical contact, she was showing strong signs of interest throughout the whole night. Fast forward to me asking her to show her something, she says where, I ask where she's parked. We walk to her car, talking and hanging over each other, then we're talking, and she won't get into the driver's seat, so I'm in the passenger's seat and she's standing next to me in the shadow of the open door. I'm playing with her leg as we talk, moving my hand up her thigh. She's showing interest but isn't doing anything to make it easier for me to work my hand up. Then a homeless man walks by and she gets closed off, and I'm guessing in hindsight that's the moment she decided she didn't want to sleep with me.
However, I kept playing with her leg, and at one point was fiddling with her panties, and we were still talking and having fun and she seemed interested. At some point, I got the feeling she was no longer interested, and I tried to give her an emergency "out" by saying if she really needed to go home (without me was implied), she could tell me she needs to go home, at which point she said "I'm trying." So there was maybe 5 minutes of fiddling in there that she wasn't necessarily comfortable with, but I had no indication that something had changed from a few minutes earlier when she was really into it. The problem is girls are required to resist regardless of whether they're interested or not, and guys are expected to push that resistance without clear signs of whether resistance accompanies interest or not. That line is really hard to identify and you can't be conservative with it or you'll come off as unconfident, but ethically pushing it too far is the definition of rapey, but when you've got no obvious signs to work with, how do you know where that line you don't cross is?
We were dancing really tight to each other, talking later with lots of physical contact, she was showing strong signs of interest throughout the whole night. Fast forward to me asking her to show her something, she says where, I ask where she's parked. We walk to her car, talking and hanging over each other, then we're talking, and she won't get into the driver's seat, so I'm in the passenger's seat and she's standing next to me in the shadow of the open door. I'm playing with her leg as we talk, moving my hand up her thigh. She's showing interest but isn't doing anything to make it easier for me to work my hand up. Then a homeless man walks by and she gets closed off, and I'm guessing in hindsight that's the moment she decided she didn't want to sleep with me.
However, I kept playing with her leg, and at one point was fiddling with her panties, and we were still talking and having fun and she seemed interested. At some point, I got the feeling she was no longer interested, and I tried to give her an emergency "out" by saying if she really needed to go home (without me was implied), she could tell me she needs to go home, at which point she said "I'm trying." So there was maybe 5 minutes of fiddling in there that she wasn't necessarily comfortable with, but I had no indication that something had changed from a few minutes earlier when she was really into it. The problem is girls are required to resist regardless of whether they're interested or not, and guys are expected to push that resistance without clear signs of whether resistance accompanies interest or not. That line is really hard to identify and you can't be conservative with it or you'll come off as unconfident, but ethically pushing it too far is the definition of rapey, but when you've got no obvious signs to work with, how do you know where that line you don't cross is?
