- Joined
- Mar 21, 2022
- Messages
- 158
I don't mean to sound like yet another guy jumping on the band wagon of things like that Gillette ad a few years back, but have you ever witnessed another guy do something derogatory to a female in public? and how did you and other around you react? I do feel it's a very shameful moment for the male gender; when the guy who makes the lewd remark realises that no one else in the vicinity is going to say anything to him, he feels that he's top dog. And what does it then say about men if this guy is the most alpha in the room? Some guys in the area won't care, but some guys will be thinking "I'd love to correct that guy but I don't know where it could lead". So they don't do anything but it doesn't feel right for them. Most of the time I don't get involved but when I simply can't pretend I don't notice it it's a different matter.
On this topic I'd also like to hear your thoughts on the following. If your attempt of correction is laughed at or ignored, is it still possible that the girl in question will think you're high status? I mean given that it may very well be the first time she's ever experienced someone standing up for her in like this, and secondly it doesn't matter if your attempt fails because if you're outnumbered anyway that's to be expected. At the end of the day, you've stood by your own principles, and as long as she doesn't sense that you're doing it to impress her, (or that you don't go over-board with it) then it should make you look very good indeed.
I've just started working as a bus driver and had an experience like this. I'd taken on about 6 guys aged roughly 18 and they went to the back of the bus. A few stops later an attractive young girl of about 20 got on. One of the lads gave a wolf whistle as she asked me for a ticket. While she was waiting for it to print out I could see her look to the side to see which one of them did it. She then of course went to the upper deck to take her seat. It was rather cowardly of him in that, would you think this guy would've done this if he were alone when she walked on? We all know that answer. For me, it felt like they were a bit too far away to engage with them without me getting out of the cab. But I think I had more authority than I realised at the time and I perhaps could have done something. If I were back I would've pulled up the assault screen and shouted back "who whistled? that's a form of harassment". I'm sure something like that would have sorted them out. The onus wasn't on me to do anything as I'm not security, I'm merely the driver and am not expected to police things, but if I could imagine myself doing something bratty like that and the driver then asking me to leave, I'd be off that bus!
Something I heard on the radio made me think a bit more about this. I heard a radio presenter recently talk about an experience he'd had with another (older) man in the sauna. The older man remarked about the good view the sauna. It took a second or two for it to click what this meant. He was referring to the some young women out by the pool. The radio presenter said he'd let that slide, which I would've too. But then the man went into vivid detail about what he'd like to do with one of them. Now being honest, there probably wasn't anything wrong with his thoughts, but deciding to share them is another thing. As the radio presenter said; "one of these could have been my daughter". Anyway he spoke about how he regretted not correcting him and admitted that he didn't have the courage in that moment. Now granted this radio presenter might be a bit down with the whole "men should talk more about their feelings" thing, but never-the-less, it was refreshing to hear someone say what you know a lot of men must think. And a lot of guys wouldn't know how to correct someone older than them either.
I think I've been in situations like that in the sauna before, and often the instant I realise that I don't have it in me to correct the person, I could easily find myself laughing along pretending that I'm okay with it; even though I'm not. And then you find yourself thinking "why am I pretending I'm okay with this?". It's kind of like it's a choice between either correcting them or laughing along with them. Very hard to take the other option of just leaving an awkward silence... which should be more awkward on the person who made the comment than you!
I really don't mean to give the impression that I'm a white knight and I'm not saying that beautiful women have it oh so hard because guys cat call at them. It's a question of "has your your courage ever fell short?". I can't remember if that Gillette ad was implying that men should correct other strangers or not, but if I see a guy who can't even correct his friend (someone that he knows) for doing something like this, then that guy would definitely drop in my estimation. Ultimately the ad was right with its message. What was wrong about that ad was that it shifted the spotlight onto male wrongdoings and off women's.
On this topic I'd also like to hear your thoughts on the following. If your attempt of correction is laughed at or ignored, is it still possible that the girl in question will think you're high status? I mean given that it may very well be the first time she's ever experienced someone standing up for her in like this, and secondly it doesn't matter if your attempt fails because if you're outnumbered anyway that's to be expected. At the end of the day, you've stood by your own principles, and as long as she doesn't sense that you're doing it to impress her, (or that you don't go over-board with it) then it should make you look very good indeed.
I've just started working as a bus driver and had an experience like this. I'd taken on about 6 guys aged roughly 18 and they went to the back of the bus. A few stops later an attractive young girl of about 20 got on. One of the lads gave a wolf whistle as she asked me for a ticket. While she was waiting for it to print out I could see her look to the side to see which one of them did it. She then of course went to the upper deck to take her seat. It was rather cowardly of him in that, would you think this guy would've done this if he were alone when she walked on? We all know that answer. For me, it felt like they were a bit too far away to engage with them without me getting out of the cab. But I think I had more authority than I realised at the time and I perhaps could have done something. If I were back I would've pulled up the assault screen and shouted back "who whistled? that's a form of harassment". I'm sure something like that would have sorted them out. The onus wasn't on me to do anything as I'm not security, I'm merely the driver and am not expected to police things, but if I could imagine myself doing something bratty like that and the driver then asking me to leave, I'd be off that bus!
Something I heard on the radio made me think a bit more about this. I heard a radio presenter recently talk about an experience he'd had with another (older) man in the sauna. The older man remarked about the good view the sauna. It took a second or two for it to click what this meant. He was referring to the some young women out by the pool. The radio presenter said he'd let that slide, which I would've too. But then the man went into vivid detail about what he'd like to do with one of them. Now being honest, there probably wasn't anything wrong with his thoughts, but deciding to share them is another thing. As the radio presenter said; "one of these could have been my daughter". Anyway he spoke about how he regretted not correcting him and admitted that he didn't have the courage in that moment. Now granted this radio presenter might be a bit down with the whole "men should talk more about their feelings" thing, but never-the-less, it was refreshing to hear someone say what you know a lot of men must think. And a lot of guys wouldn't know how to correct someone older than them either.
I think I've been in situations like that in the sauna before, and often the instant I realise that I don't have it in me to correct the person, I could easily find myself laughing along pretending that I'm okay with it; even though I'm not. And then you find yourself thinking "why am I pretending I'm okay with this?". It's kind of like it's a choice between either correcting them or laughing along with them. Very hard to take the other option of just leaving an awkward silence... which should be more awkward on the person who made the comment than you!
I really don't mean to give the impression that I'm a white knight and I'm not saying that beautiful women have it oh so hard because guys cat call at them. It's a question of "has your your courage ever fell short?". I can't remember if that Gillette ad was implying that men should correct other strangers or not, but if I see a guy who can't even correct his friend (someone that he knows) for doing something like this, then that guy would definitely drop in my estimation. Ultimately the ad was right with its message. What was wrong about that ad was that it shifted the spotlight onto male wrongdoings and off women's.
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