How do you respond, when a guy hits on your date?

[Arnav]

If you’re talking to a girl, perhaps outside or on a date, and it’s clear that you share a deeper connection or established attraction—not just a recent acquaintance or casual interaction—and another guy interrupts, hitting on her while she remains polite out of social courtesy,

how would you respond in such a situation?

here is an example, the guy totally disrespecting the boyfriends,

 

[James D]

It's obviously scripted.

The chick's reactions to the intruder aren't what you'd normally expect in a real life situation.

Assuming the dude walking up is cool enough and the girl is giving him some level of interest, the best strategy is not to buy in the other dude's frame.

He'll try to befriend you and make it seem like it's perfectly normal what he's doing.

You should not buy into his frame, while minding the law of least effort.

If he totally ignores you and engages the chick, you gotta sit back and look bored. That should exert social pressure on the chick to cue him out of the conversation.

If you've got a half decent connection with her, she's not gonna flirt with him like you saw in that video.

If he engages you, no what he says or does, whether it's a handshake or a "heyy brother", I'd say:

"That's a weird thing to do" in a perfectly detached, almost amused tone.

Let's say he defends himself by framing what he did as friendly.

Me, inquisitive look: "Being intrusive is friendly to you?"

He'll keep defending himself.

You keep casually challenging the frame.

Framing him as "weird", "intrusive", "unsmooth" all does good things for you in the eyes of the chick.

Best, given that he's anyway exerting more effort than you by coming over, you can frame him as try hard.

"Props to you for trying buddy, that was some good effort, I'll give you that"

I must say tho, any guy who's sexy and smooth enough to steal a chick from you while she's on a date would never try to hit on her while she's with you.

He'd be socially aware enough to know that it would put him in the chasing position.

But yeah, the gist of it is social pressure.

If he doesn't engage you, you apply social pressure on her while looking bored.

If he engages you, you apply social pressure on him by challenging his frame.

Watch out for compliance demands. These are easy ways for him to get you to buy into his frame.

I'm curious what others have to say about it!

Any answers other than "befriend the dude" would be interesting to explore.

 

[Derek da man]

Before reading @James D response I was thinking exactly the same thing;
-look bored
-call him out on it and how unsmooth or potentially "rude" and laugh at his lack of social calibration
-minimal engagement beyond calling him out

really ditto previous

 

[Arnav]

If you’re talking to a girl, perhaps outside or on a date, and it’s clear that you share a deeper connection or established attraction—not just a recent acquaintance or casual interaction—and another guy interrupts, hitting on her while she remains polite out of social courtesy,

how would you respond in such a situation?

here is an example, the guy totally disrespecting the boyfriends,

It's obviously scripted.

The chick's reactions to the intruder aren't what you'd normally expect in a real life situation.

Assuming the dude walking up is cool enough and the girl is giving him some level of interest, the best strategy is not to buy in the other dude's frame.

He'll try to befriend you and make it seem like it's perfectly normal what he's doing.

You should not buy into his frame, while minding the law of least effort.

If he totally ignores you and engages the chick, you gotta sit back and look bored. That should exert social pressure on the chick to cue him out of the conversation.

If you've got a half decent connection with her, she's not gonna flirt with him like you saw in that video.

If he engages you, no what he says or does, whether it's a handshake or a "heyy brother", I'd say:

"That's a weird thing to do" in a perfectly detached, almost amused tone.

Let's say he defends himself by framing what he did as friendly.

Me, inquisitive look: "Being intrusive is friendly to you?"

He'll keep defending himself.

You keep casually challenging the frame.

Framing him as "weird", "intrusive", "unsmooth" all does good things for you in the eyes of the chick.

Best, given that he's anyway exerting more effort than you by coming over, you can frame him as try hard.

"Props to you for trying buddy, that was some good effort, I'll give you that"

I must say tho, any guy who's sexy and smooth enough to steal a chick from you while she's on a date would never try to hit on her while she's with you.

He'd be socially aware enough to know that it would put him in the chasing position.

But yeah, the gist of it is social pressure.

If he doesn't engage you, you apply social pressure on her while looking bored.

If he engages you, you apply social pressure on him by challenging his frame.

Watch out for compliance demands. These are easy ways for him to get you to buy into his frame.

I'm curious what others have to say about it!

Any answers other than "befriend the dude" would be interesting to explore.

yeah these are good points, but my observation has been if a guy is butting without any consideration while you enagaged with a girl alone, there must be something wrong in your vibe, because most guys would fear the consequences, the guy reacting agressively or attacking him socially. The fact that a guy buts in in a socially dominant way, I have seen this sometimes is an indicator he sees the guy as a pushover, or nerdy.

 

[Arnav]

Before reading @James D response I was thinking exactly the same thing;
-look bored
-call him out on it and how unsmooth or potentially "rude" and laugh at his lack of social calibration
-minimal engagement beyond calling him out

really ditto previous

What if he is trying to socially dominate you and the girl looks a bit uncomfortable.

 

[James D]

yeah these are good points, but my observation has been if a guy is butting without any consideration while you enagaged with a girl alone, there must be something wrong in your vibe, because most guys would fear the consequences, the guy reacting agressively or attacking him socially. The fact that a guy buts in in a socially dominant way, I have seen this sometimes is an indicator he sees the guy as a pushover, or nerdy.

I don't get it.

That has happened to you?

Have you seen it happen to someone?

If you think it might happen as a result of something being wrong with your vibe, then fix your vibe.

I don't get why even make this post in the first place.

 

[James D]

What if he is trying to socially dominate you and the girl looks a bit uncomfortable.

If you don't buy into his frame and you challenge his frame, his attempts to socially dominate you will fall flat.

That's what I explained in my first reply.

Maybe give it a read?

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

There's a ton of stuff out there on how to AMOG and how to defend against AMOGs.

My sense is a lot of you guys are operating in relatively civilized environments.

Remember that sometimes the answer to an AMOG is a sucker punch.

 

[Derek da man]

What if he is trying to socially dominate you and the girl looks a bit uncomfortable

I'd just smile at him, smile at my girl and not be reactive. The moment I react he's won. If she was feeling uncomfortable I'd give my girl a knowing look a nod to the side and just walk away, no conflict, no drama.

 

[Arnav]

Y

If you don't buy into his frame and you challenge his frame, his attempts to socially dominate you will fall flat.

That's what I explained in my first reply.

Maybe give it a read?

yeah your pointers were

I don't get it.

That has happened to you?

Have you seen it happen to someone?

If you think it might happen as a result of something being wrong with your vibe, then fix your vibe.

I don't get why even make this

I don't get it.

That has happened to you?

Have you seen it happen to someone?

If you think it might happen as a result of something being wrong with your vibe, then fix your vibe.

I don't get why even make this post in the first place.

Yes I have seen this happening to guys, done mostly by alpha bully mindset guys, who are doing it mostly to get a kick out of dominating you in front of your girl not to get her.

Maybe it's little difficult to describe the context and dynamics of the situation, I have seen over text.

Here is an example of something closer to what I was refering to

The premise of this situation is misunderstanding, but some guys do try to dominate you socially deliberately

 

[Arnav]

If you don't buy into his frame and you challenge his frame, his attempts to socially dominate you will fall flat.

That's what I explained in my first reply.

Maybe give it a read?

so I posted a movie clip exaple, which is based on the premise of miunderstsnding but the social dynamic at play is somewhat closer to what I was refering to.
So social domiance by the guy, things like
- flriting with your girl
- speaking in a condescending tone with you.
-facial expressions that suggest he looks down on you
- off the cuff subtle insults .
- putting his hands around you or over you shoulder, patting you on the back, strong unsettling handshake. All socially dominating gestures under the mask of friendliness

these are some of the observations from the movie clip.
The guy is ignoring and not reacting to him m strongly but still comes off as dominated and put down.