Socializing How does one really attract the girls they want?

[cassanova]

How do people attract who they want and how long of a process is this? (before I decide to settle down I want to date many women)


There is a girl I met in one of my classes; it was the fall semester of 2013. I never had the courage to talk to her at first but I did anyway as the semester went on. During that entire semester the relationship between her and I was very platonic (I remember asking her out for some coffee on two separate occasions but she refused) she was the quiet type, however she had a really fun side to her that she exposes if she likes you, I know this because she used to have a crush on a friend of mine. I really liked her, she was gorgeous and had this natural "glow" to her on top of that she was down to earth and very feminine. She is also driven too--the only thing that bummed me out was that inside I was 80% sure she was not into me the way I was into her. I never suffocated her with neediness I always gave her space and played off the small relationship we had as if it was a not a big deal. Fast forward to today (I am now 22) it has been two full years since I have seen her and we rarely communicate via Facebook and if we do I always start off the conversation however she never does. Since that one semester she has been traveling, working and living an adventurous life and although she does remember me it is nothing serious--in her mind I was "that guy from class". I transferred to a local university after community college last January and just recently I found out that she is transferring to the same school this fall. I don't know how things will turn out between us this coming up semester but it really had me reflect on my past and how I am always liked by girls I do not want but fall short of winning the heart of the girls I genuinely want in my life.

 

[ray_zorse]

Why don't you do a little reading on the main site (girlschase.com)... the answers to your questions are surely there, there's a panel down the left of the classic, "must read" articles, mostly written by Chase Amante after whom the site is named. Anyway, I will try to give you a brief rundown.

Firstly, it's never a good idea to get hung up on any one girl. Chase put this pretty well, from memory "As an experienced seducer, in almost any situation I know exactly what to say and do. Yet girls still reject me."... fact is, she sometimes just isn't into you. As a novice seducer it's also 99% likely there's something you are doing wrong, but nobody is perfect and even as a low-intermediate seducer like myself, you can still get laid if you play the numbers. Harsh as it sounds, seduction is to some extent a numbers game. Less so as you get better and become more desirable to the top tier of women, but if you treat seduction as a skillset (which we do here), it's inescapable that in order to build skills you must play the numbers. That's why I'm happy you said girlS.

Secondly, you must accept that you will be rejected. Eh, I've asked out at least 10 girls this week, got about 5 phone numbers and been on some dates, but the most I got out of it was a kiss on the lips, well this means I got rejected by 10 girls, some of them straightaway but all of them at some stage or other, do I care? A little, but main thing is I took action, gained some reference points and practiced my skills.

Thirdly, you must watch your investment level and persist without chasing. About my example of this week's 10 girls, I didn't spend a whole summer on any one of these girls -- she refuses to take the next step with me, she's gone. NEXT. (Some I work with, so I just act polite/neutral). An example of investment and chasing is your initiating these facebook chats: You're validating her and rewarding her lack of investment. What we recommend here is, if you contact her, then within a few messages try to move things forward (suggest a date, etc). If she refuses, persist a few times, then NEXT her. Long distance contact is okay if she is investing... that's not the case here, so it should be avoided.

The next thing to look at is female attraction. They like strong, confident, decisive men who make things happen. Initially they are open minded to almost any guy, but within microseconds of observing him (often in their peripheral vision) they know a shit ton about him... and most are immediately rejected based on body language, manner etc. This is irretrievable. She'll be polite to you, friendly even, but unattracted. If you pass that test she'll then evaluate you on your eye contact, facial expressions, behaviour, voice tone, approach, etc... (are they strong, confident, decisive?)... you fall at any hurdle anywhere, you're gone. That's why you were friendzoned by this girl years ago (basically because you didn't ask her out, yet showed signs of attraction, an incongruence which showed you were not confident and decisive). Too bad, but luckily there are millions more girls.

Anyway, to maintain attraction move fast, the rules relax slightly (but not much) after she has fucked you, so this needs to happen within days of the first meeting or it's certain you'll fuck up somewhere and she won't be attracted anymore. In fact even the passage of time constitutes a fuckup on your part (unless, say, you were separated by circumstances) as it makes you look weak and indecisive. That's why we say attraction has an expiration date.

Ray

 

[Bboy100]

These two articles.
https://www.girlschase.com/content/cant- ... more-girls
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-g ... -ever-need

They'll give you a clearer understanding of what Ray's saying. Then do this. https://www.girlschase.com/girl-skills-d ... start-page Or just get a copy of Chase's ebook if you want everything organized and in one place. If you're committed to learning this, you have to understand the dynamics of attraction and of how women choose men. We can't really explain all of that in one post. Chase took 406 pages in his book to explain it for a reason...it's a LOT.

If you don't think this is for you, then at least read the first article I linked. It'll give you a greater understanding of why you need to stop pursuing this women NOW. No matter how badly you want her.

 

[cassanova]

These two articles.
https://www.girlschase.com/content/cant- ... more-girls
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-g ... -ever-need

They'll give you a clearer understanding of what Ray's saying. Then do this. https://www.girlschase.com/girl-skills-d ... start-page Or just get a copy of Chase's ebook if you want everything organized and in one place. If you're committed to learning this, you have to understand the dynamics of attraction and of how women choose men. We can't really explain all of that in one post. Chase took 406 pages in his book to explain it for a reason...it's a LOT.

If you don't think this is for you, then at least read the first article I linked. It'll give you a greater understanding of why you need to stop pursuing this women NOW. No matter how badly you want her.

I am not desperately pursuing her per se. and I don't have trouble interacting with other women and getting numbers etc. she is just "unique" to me because most females that look like her get wayy too much attention and feed off of it (that is why they have a shitty attitude) plus I haven't met a girl that is similar to her. I am just keeping in touch and if things kick off from there than great if not then I won't be deeply saddened. She is really down to earth and easy to get along with, but she isn't all about one night stands like most of us are doing today--I think that is why she is still single; because she would rather wait to have the right man.

 

[Bboy100]

I am just keeping in touch and if things kick off from there than great if not then I won't be deeply saddened.

Unfortunately, based on how you describe the situation, it seems she really isn't in to you at all. I hate to be blunt like that, but its probably true. If anything, NOT keeping in touch with her is a better idea. This is because if she hasn't seen/heard from you in a long time and you all of us sudden run into her at the University, you can "reintroduce yourself" in a way. Start fresh. Like, have you ever had a friend who you haven't seen in years. And all of sudden he's in town and you don't know what to expect because he could be a whole different person? It's the same concept here.
... Having said that, this usually doesn't work either. Once you've lost a girl, she's typically gone forever.

Also, remember that even though you may not be saddened now, the more you invest in her (physically, emotionally, temporally, or otherwise...basically anytime you do anything involving her), the more you begin to value her. Its basic human psychology. If you put more effort into something, it becomes more important to you. If you begin to value her more, finally finding out you can't have her (99% sure this is the case), it'll hurt all the more. Plus, you'll have wasted so much time and energy with no reward. Instead of spending it on something productive. That's why Ray was recommending that you remove her from your life completely.

plus I haven't met a girl that is similar to her.

I'll admit that some girls are rarer than others. Some girls really do have amazing personalities which are hard to come by. Having said that, one of two things is happening:

1. As the first article suggests, you might be projecting qualities onto her that aren't actually there. You've thought about her so much and what you and her together would be like, that you actually have a distorted image of what she's like in your head. IRL, she's not actually like that. She might be a great girl, and she might be worth a relationship and all that. But she's probably not as good as you believe her to be. Once again...this is psychology at work. When we like something, we tend to attribute lots of favorable qualities to it without good justification. Especially if we have no empirical evidence to suggest otherwise.

2. You haven't met enough girls. Maybe the reason you haven't met anyone like her is cause you've only met 5, 10, 15, 20 girls this year? If your sample size is too small, then its very likely that you won't meet anyone exactly like her. But that doesn't mean someone...lots of someones like her aren't out there. And any one of them would be easier to start a relationship with than this girl because getting a girl back is 20x harder than attracting a new one. So all you really have to do is mass exposure...go find her! Think about it. There are 3.5 bil girls on the planet. And plenty who are raised in the exact same background and culture as her. There can't be no one who's like her. In fact, I met a girl earlier this year who's exactly the way you describe. She looks like a supermodel (literally most physically attractive girl I can remember), super down to earth, treats everyone with dignity and respect and she explicitly told me she despises getting attention for her looks.

P.S.

There are LOTS of girls who are very beautiful and don't act bitchy or superior because of it. They just attract less attention because well...they don't cause drama like the bitchy ones do. lol