How does the number of women you've slept with change how girls..

[132]

I read on every article and topic how the more girls you've slept with, the more attractive you become to girls.

And I was wandering how does that work?

I mean does sleeping with 50 girls makes you more attractive than having slept with only 10?

Does it simply make you more confident and charismatic?

Is it about the number of women you've slept with or the number of women you've interacted with? Like approaching 50 women going on dates with 20 and sleeping with 20 of them vs approaching 500 and going on 50 dates and sleeping with only 10.

Is it about the number of women you've slept or the number of women you could've slept? I talked about my natural friend and last night we got kinda drunk and started talking and he told me he's slept with only 6 girls. I was shocked. I asked him how is that possible - I always see girls approaching him and wanting to go out with him, and even going out with him plus the confidence he has. And he told me that yes a lot of girls have approached him and try to seduce him and even chase after him. He goes on dates with lots of girls. But he doesn't sleep with most of them. He told me that it's super hard for him to get attracted to a girl enough to sleep with her(he basically wants the girl to be perfect and for him to feel almost in love, to sleep with her) and that he's only been with 6 girls 3 of which when he was 15(and didn't have his present standards), one in a serious relationship and two drunk after a club(that he barely remembers).
As for the confidence he has, he told me that it's not because he's slept with 50 girls the past 6-7 years BUT because he could've slept with 50 girls the past 6-7 years. But he didn't want to because he wasn't feeling real attraction.


It actually sounded strange. It's not about the number of girls you've been with but the number of girls you could've been with that dictates your confidence levels.
He also tells me that he's confident because he works out like crazy and keeps a strict diet. He dresses nicely and some girls like him. He tells me that there is no reason not to be confident if you're not too ugly/fat/creepy. It's not about having a reason to be confident, it's about not having a reason to not be confident.






My question is how exactly does, approaching more girls/going on more dates/sleeping with more women, exactly affect your confidence/game/success with future girls?

Of course this question is towards the more experienced guys here.

 

[Eternity]

The more interactions with women the more easier "game" gets. I haven't slept with 50 girls to give you that perspective but look at Narrow J or Anatman or Richard's LRs, looks almost too easy right? They have the experience which is just a blunt word for confidence. They could go to a social venue, talk to the prettiest girl there, get her # or instadate her, then ask her to go home with them and do it fast because they have a system forged by experience and trial and error. Put a newbie to go talk to a hot girl, he will fall back on his AFC ways and get blown out because the girls can tell he does not have that much experience talking to women. So put a cool, aloof, well dressed man who reeks of sexuality and charm versus a guy who's okay dressed and feels awkward in front of women and you can bet which one the girl is going to pick. Like your friend looking back, i could've slept with a good amount of girls if i had found this site when i was younger. But it wasn't so i lost that chance due to inexperience. Every successful interaction with girls always helps you become better and thus more attractive to other girls. You become sort of indifferent after doing it after a while, non needy, and you do not care much where it takes you because you can do the same with other girls. Of course it depends in what venue you game at.

 

[Franco]

Ico,

There's varying levels of confidence. Your natural friend has a lot of experience with women so, therefore, his confidence is quite high. But this statement...

He told me that it's super hard for him to get attracted to a girl enough to sleep with her(he basically wants the girl to be perfect and for him to feel almost in love, to sleep with her) and that he's only been with 6 girls 3 of which when he was 15(and didn't have his present standards), one in a serious relationship and two drunk after a club(that he barely remembers).

...tells me that it's definitely still lower than it could be. That's not to say that he's probably many levels above the average guy who hasn't made himself attractive to women, but his confidence is not at a supreme high. When you get past a certain level (where members like myself, Chase, and NarrowJ have reached), you simply don't fall in love with women before you've slept with them. Even if they are extremely gorgeous. Why? Well, you sleep with attractive, gorgeous women all the time, but you understand that it takes a TRULY amazing girl to actually fall in love, and it likely doesn't happen until long after you've slept with her (because you know there's more to a woman's personality after you've slept with her).

Building off of what Eternity said, you'll also notice that the more advanced guys make it look easy, and that simply comes from the experience of doing an entire seduction from beginning to end. Your friend who has only slept with 6 girls is probably robbing himself of the experience he could be getting inviting girls home and physically escalating with them, which will allow him to execute better with truly amazing women and not mess it up when the time comes. Also, he might be disqualifying girls that have a really awesome personality but aren't given the time to show it (which can happen after sex sometimes -- girls "act" a bit bitchy as a wall, but then open up much more and become very sweet after sex).

Anyway, to address your main question, the more women you sleep with, the more experience you feel like you know you have, and the more sure of your process you become. The more sure you are that you can do something, the more confident you will be at it. It's as simple as that. Don't complicate it!

- Franco

 

[132]

Franco, I'm fighting my inner thoughts and feelings. I am working hard on my fundamentals and now I've started approaching and will work on that too. Now I can't even imagine being able to get a girl when I want. I still see it like approaching 5-10 girls every day for a month to get a single date. And I'm okay with that if that's what it takes to succeed with women, so be it. I'm not a natural to have any girl I want. And honestly I feel that I just want the first beautiful girls that likes me and get her into a relationship, cause I won't be able to get another one.

I read and read how this is not true and intellectually I know it but i don't feel it. So that's what I was asking. If this changes over time. And basically what's to say that this doesn't happen to me : meet a pretty girl that likes me and fall in love and start dating. I mean this must happen a lot to new inexperienced guys. You get one girl and you think you'll never get another so you hold on to this one as hard as you can.


Also I have this way of thinking that if something doesn't happen NOW it'll never happen. Like if I don't get a girl till the end of the month I'll never get a girl. You may say I'm impatient. And people always talk how there is lots of time in life. But I always feel like I don't have any time. I've never feel like I'm gonna live past 25. I'm 21 now.
I do believe that I have a couple or a few years left to live. And all I do is fueled by this. The way I live and my business plan works that way and is geared towards big profits right now, cause I don't have a future to bother thinking about. I haven't made plans if I want to get married or have children cause I don't think I'll get that far.



That's why it's hard and I want super fast results. Maybe you see this type of problem with lots of new guys. That was my original question. If those kinds of things change and with what type of experience. Like is approaching 500 girls and sleeping with only 1 of them. the same as approaching 10 girls and sleeping with 5 of them. Damn! I'm always over thinking it (even all the girls I approached the past week). I wish I was stupid so I could have success with girls and be happy.

 

[Franco]

Ico,

And basically what's to say that this doesn't happen to me : meet a pretty girl that likes me and fall in love and start dating. I mean this must happen a lot to new inexperienced guys. You get one girl and you think you'll never get another so you hold on to this one as hard as you can.

Yeah, generally most guys go through this phase. It's actually a phase that I went through, and then I LOST that girl (and I lost her BECAUSE of my "needy" mentality at the time of not being able to find another one like her), and it was actually what eventually lead me to this website. See my introduction post here.

However, luckily for you, you are already reading this material BEFORE this happens, so you do have an opportunity to build the right mindset before you enter a relationship. Now, the question becomes, can you really develop an absolute abundance mentality while only having been in one relationship with a girl you fell in love with? That's hard to say.

It wasn't until I got into a relationship with my current, amazing girlfriend that I realized that I was capable of REPLACING an awesome, beautiful girl with another one. And I'd have to say that nothing really beats experience; even if you read here how to manage your relationship, seduce women, and develop the right mentality, it's hard to not let your emotions dictate your actions until you've hit rock bottom before and then come back up with a new way of looking at things.

Let's put it this way: chances are, you first girlfriend isn't going to be your LAST girlfriend. So regardless of whether or not you fall in love immediately with some girl, chances are it's not going to work out in one way or another (whether that's because she isn't the girl you were expecting her to be, or because you find that relationships aren't quite for you, or because you become too needy, etc).

I remember reading a comment that Chase made on someone's post on an article recently, and it was about relationships and how you know you've "mastered" them (so to speak). And Chase's response was great. He mentioned that, if you can come to accept the fact that every relationship has an end to it -- whether that be in 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years, 2 decades, or "until death do you part" -- then you'll have reached an understanding of relationships that most men never achieve. You need to accept that getting INTO a relationship does not necessarily mean that you'll never be single again. It is merely the start of something that will eventually have an end, for one reason or another.

When I think about it, even when I entered my relationship with my current girlfriend (who I've now been seeing sexually for over 9 months), I had the mentality of, "this relationship could end at any time when one or both of us become unhappy." And I still stand by that. I'm ready to accept that this relationship will have an end, and it when it does, I'm ready to accept that another will likely begin (at some point in time, whether that be very soon or much later). So try not to think about the future so much, especially since you are only 21. I started learning this material at 24 (and I am now 26), and I feel like I still have plenty of time left to experience everything I want to. Embrace it and enjoy it. =)

- Franco

 

[Franco]

I just wanted to add something: once you actually start regularly taking home attractive girls and sleeping with them, it really affects your mindset. While right now you're worried about sleeping with one girl and falling uncontrollably in love with her, after sleeping with a few, you might even start to think, "why would any guy only want to sleep with ONE girl?"

Your mindset can easily change, so that's why it's important you try not to worry about the future and instead focus on the present: improve with women. Until you're regularly sleeping with girls, you shouldn't make any decisions about what you'll want out of women and relationships.

- Franco

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I see what Franco is getting at with this material but there is absolutely no substitute for experience. Think of it like playing football. You may have seen it on TV before and you might know how the game works, but until you have been on the field, taken the hits, and made the plays, you won't be as good as someone that has. I always read material back as a teenager about dating advice and not being needy, still made those same mistakes despite knowing not to make them. The difference maker for me was just experience. Making the mistakes and then learning from them to get better.

Don't lower your standards too much though. I can understand where your friend is coming from. The kind of girls I was around as a teenager were crazy and had connections with people that could hurt you. Lots of teenager pregnancies, girls from gang neighborhoods, and girls who could screw up your life. Not sure if your friend was from that kind of a background but I had to see that and decided to be picky. Had I gone to the private high school or some typical high school in my state (California) that is out in the suburbs I would have easily had over 10 lays by the time I graduated but I am making up for that time right now in college.

Another thing, just think about what is ahead. I know it gets irritating and you feel that life is unfair but we are all dealt different cards to play. Some guys are born with parents that push them to be social and are around attractive women growing up so they turn into naturals. Others are born with parents that don't allow them a lot of freedom and aren't around a lot of attractive women growing up. The tendency to look back will always be there, especially in our culture where media shows high school and college as being the time to do it all. Just relax, live in the now, and move forward.

Look at it this way.

When you were 18, you probably thought that you had missed out on it all by high school.
Now that you are 21, you probably think you missed out on it all and wish you had been better at 18.
Tomorrow another couple years would have passed and you would be wishing you could be 21 again.

Just live in the now, do more and think less.

 

[Estate]

I just wanted to add...

It's not really about the actual number. The number is not something you really want to tell a girl.
Ever hear how a girl will divide her number by 3 while a guy will multiply it by 3? It's mainly because a girl can EASILY have a large number while most guys can't.

Telling a girl outright, you've slept with 50 women, on a conscious level at least, could be a turnoff to some women.

But the difference is in your attitude. If you've never had sex or only a few times, your confidence level is not up. If you've never dated the sort of girls you want, I've seen guys come off VERY frustrated. I could list a few friends right now. As my skill has improved there is some hostility. When I meet women while with them at bars, they get angry and frustrated. One even started an arguement that I cock-block him constantly but the reality is he never even talks to these women, he just sees them from afar and becomes infatuated.

If a guy HAS been with more women it gives him the confidence that he CAN do it. He'll be more relaxed around hotter women, and it's more attractive. So really it's more about the vibe you give off when you have more of that abundance mentality.
Same goes for your actual "skill" in the bed. Lets be honest, everyone's first time is terrible. You're nervous, you don't know what you're doing, etc, etc...
Once you sleep with more women and sleep with new women regularly, while obviously, you enjoy it, it's not this big nerve wracking experience, and you can enjoy it more. Over the past year, I've had some amazing experiences and had women try many new things with me that I would have been too nervous or "short lived" to actually do years ago. A few girls in the heat of the moment have said it was the most amazing sex of their live. But the point is, it's because I can relax and enjoy it, and not build it up into this big nercy experience anymore.

It's more about attitude overall I think.