How I became cynical and bitter towards game and recovering.

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

In recent months, I have come to the realization that when it comes to women, I am cynical and bitter which is obviously stopping my growth but it has come to a point where I feel like if I do not address this then I am due for a lot of lost happiness. I currently live in NYC and this city is loaded with a lot of attractive women, especially during the day time. In the past couple months, due to making new friends, I have started to go out more to bars and clubs. At times walking around during the day I see so many hot girls and then it hits me, I cannot walk up the courage to approach them.

At first I wondered if it is me lacking the courage to approach or the bitterness and cynicism towards it all that stops me from doing. Then I really thought about it and realized my ego is also playing a big role, I have had such success on dating apps that the idea of going up to a random girl I like and getting rejected is below me. At times I feel that urge to approach, think to myself she is going to be a bitch and reject me, and then I tell myself that I am getting laid through dating apps anyways.

I started to dig more into this when I had time to reflect and there are some things I came across which kind of played into this and have made me like this.

It really hurts me because when I was in shithole Georgia, I had the excitement towards game even though it is a shitty state and area for game, at least Atlanta is. Now I am in an awesome city and that excitement is not there, I want it to be there!

It's all predetermined and approaching is futile, the hot ones are always seeing some tool they met through social circle or growing up.

I had the misfortune of spending my youth in the shithole southern USA, well at least Georgia is that way. So much of the hottest girls in high school and even my college days ended up with guys through social circles and the popular kids whose parents had money. Then I moved to Atlanta for a bit and realized it was more or less of the same there, girls met guys through old social circles and friends of friends to the point I realized that approaching them was always going to be a lost cause, at least the hot ones.

Also my failure in college where no matter what I did, the fraternity guy with a lot of time on his hands and money (more like daddy's money) to throw around was the one that ultimately won out.

Seeing better ROI by social circle or status than by game itself.

Once again dating back to college but even my time in Atlanta. It seemed like no matter what work I put in or what I did approaching, some guy with worse fundamentals and looks than me won out because he was a bartender at a given bar or he ran in an exclusive social circle, at least when it came to hot girls that is. He had more friends and a social circle, that mattered more, even though his game sucked and his looks were lesser than mines.

It's like my mentality became to work on being popular and cool, to stick my nose up now at girls that turned me down now, and have that going instead of going out to approach and just getting rejected at times for reasons out of my control (she has a boyfriend, etc.).

We could also be at a time in the social media age where game itself and approaching are potentially futile?

I have a big ego and take rejection personally, some of them have been bad and I think to myself why I validate such cunts.

Some women are cool with rejection and gentle with it, have to respect that, but some girls are bitches who really get off on it. A lot of them love to grill you for approaching and to play a shit game to fuck with you too, during these years I have met some women who were just horrible people. At times I wonder why I even approached and validated such a demon spawn in the first place.

My focus shifted away from getting sex with hot women and more toward the status and cool factors which can get you hot women.

I was focused more on bartending before I turned 30, working in a nightclub, and things that make you cool or give you that cool factor over just approaching a hot girl and ending up fucking her. To a degree my priorities are still on that cool factor but lately, I have started to fall back in love with the idea of approaching a hot girl on the street and taking her home. Like the idea of that has re-entered my head as a cool thing....

But now for the recovery, to finally get back out there.

Moving to NYC has been a godsend for me, I have had the chance to be around cool guys who go out. One of my roommates pulls to the point where one week he brought home 3 different girls, it inspired me to really step it up. I have found a cool wingman to hit up the bars with too.

Now I go out on Saturdays and even at times on a Thursday to run game. The past weekend was shit for me but I still cannot believe I got myself to do 10+ approaches.

I also want to get back into daygame and approach girls during the day while the weather is good.

My next post is going to be "Finding my why" to keep going out and running game, I want to daygame in this awesome city.

 

[matteo-d]

In the past couple months, due to making new friends, I have started to go out more to bars and clubs.

That's very good, most guys are not even there and stay home, at least you go out and try something, that's already huge.

The first thing I thought while reading your message was why approaching in the street is so important ? Because you said you had success with dating apps. And of course I agree it is very important to mix the techniques and encounters, but if you already have success with apps, I would advice to ask yourself why is it so important for you to approach a girl in the street in the first place, what are you trying to prove to yourself or to accomplish deep down by doing that ? Because there is obviously more at hand here than just getting girls.

AS you said, you seem to have a slightly bitter mentality toward women, exuding more their bad sides rather than their good sides (acting bitchy, etc.). The problem is that what you think always leaves clues on your body language and voice tonality, no matter how hard you try to shift your body language, what you think always transpire non verbally, and women are insanely good at spotting non verbal clues (seems to be an evolutionary skill, since they always have to communicate with their baby while he can't talk...). So every time you approach a girl thinking "what a bitch, I hope she's not gonna reject", she's gonna pick up on that anyway, and then no wonder she answers in an unfriendly way.

Take the time to evaluate your perception of women, what is a woman for you ? what are their main attributes in your opinion ?
And for every negative attribute you gave them, ask yourself "where does that mindset comes from ?" "when did I start to think like that and why ?"
Uncover your own thought patterns. Because the day you will legitimately love women for who they are and ignore the negative ones, they will start to feel very engaged by you, no matter that you're the bartender with a huge social cirlce, or the rich frat boy who spends dad's money.

At least you are aknowledging that bitterness and talk about it, which I think is really good. In my opinion you're at the stage where you know you need to change that mindset, and that post you made was the first step ;-)
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I used an exercise back in the day that greatly helped to destroy those negative thinking before I approached:
Step 1: Walk in the street until you cross at least 20 beautiful women that you would like to engage. Then take a break and write down everything that went through your head while you were noticing them
Step 2: Rewrite everything you wrote with the opposite. If you wrote "When I saw her, I imagined her rejecting me", then write "when I see her, I imagine her responding in a friendly and warm way". And then go back crossing 20 women while focusing on these new things you wrote every time you happen to notice a beauty
Step 3: Do the same thing, but this time don't just write the positive opposites, write the most impossible positive scenario that could happen, like "she is vigorously jumping on me and making out with me like a beast in front of the crowd", if it makes you laugh, even better. And then go back to notice 20 women with those mindsets, those close to impossible scenarios that would be incredibly awesome.

This exercise is aimed at teaching your brain that there are other ways to approach a woman that being scared and bitter about them. When you do that a lot, your body language starts to change and THAT is what they will respond to when you approach. If you feel nice and friendly when you approach, most will feel the same. (except some incurable bitches, and that's fine, you will just forget them when you have the right mindset)


(And by the way, I low key dream of seeing NYC someday ^-^ )