How much do cute girls get hit on?

[Marty]

Hey fellas, hope you can educate me on this one. The more I learn, the less I seem to know...

I want to get an idea of what men are paying attention to attractive young women at any given time, in what context, and how much a competitor these suitors really are. A number of recent postings here have led me to question my existing mental model:

• 
  - Zphix wrote about a Cuban-American he met in Target who claimed "so many guys" hit on her all the time
  
  - Franco wrote that guys in San Diego are fit and attractive with excellent fundamentals
  
  - Estate posted an article by some woman of very moderate attractiveness, who claimed to be dealing with text messages from 7 to 10 men she'd given her number to each week

Help me out here. Typically, how many of these chasing men will a woman already know through social circle, as opposed to being on the periphery or a true cold approach? And of the latter, how much will be from "predictable" situations such as bars and lounges explicitly intended for meeting others, versus daytime approaches?

Admittedly I have only been to California twice in my life, so maybe the streets of San Diego really are full of gorgeous men opening every girl in sight, but my wife (who is early thirties and easily in the top 5% of women looks-wise) says that although she gets hit on regularly through social circle (office etc.), she rarely if ever hears a direct compliment from a man in the street or other non-social context, let alone an attempt to follow through.

What I am trying to get an idea of, is how much of an advantage over and above these other men is conferred by the additional demonstration of confidence and ease with women of conducting a true cold approach on the street, in the store, café etc.?

 

[Franco]

Marty,

What I am trying to get an idea of, is how much of an advantage over and above these other men is conferred by the additional demonstration of confidence and ease with women of conducting a true cold approach on the street, in the store, café etc.?

I do most of my work in nightclubs, and that's only because I often find myself there because I enjoy the music and the environment. I'm a big fan of electronic music and a lot of DJs, so it just happens to be convenient for me that I can practice my game there and listen to music I love as well.

However, no matter WHERE you go, women rarely get approached during the day. That's why it can be so effective for getting dates with extremely attractive women -- it is very unexpected, yet very bold and sexy if done correctly. Even though I see good-looking guys walking around all the time at the mall (and I sometimes even catch a glimpse of girls checking them out), I've never actually seen a cute girl get approached. So for day game, it can be very effective to be the guy that stands out among other men.

When it comes to night game, however, a lot of guys here in San Diego are extremely effective at working with a little "booze courage" in them. In nightclubs, it's not uncommon to see guys at the very least lingering around a hot girl, and that's if there isn't a guy talking (or trying to talk) to her already. The setting changes the circumstances drastically. The only reason I still work night game is that it's convenient for me to enjoy the music as well as meet women who share that same passion for it. You'll also get the most difficult shit tests and challenges in night game because women have their guards up. However, if you are just looking to practice your game and go on dates and bed beautiful women, then day game certainly has its advantages.

- Franco

 

[Richard]

In addition to what Franco said, its not just night game where women have their guards up. Their guards are up in almost any place where its natural for people to interact like clubs for instance.

But also as Franco said, if you walk around anywhere, most guys simply don't approach women, I actually did a project on this for social psych. I sat in the mall, looked over high traffic areas and almost no girls were approached, and those that were, were on friendly or "I know you" terms, so no cold approaches.

With the Cuban girl however, she said guys compliment her, but never stick around for any real conversation. So even the women who are approached, are not picked up, they are complimented hit-and-run style.

-Zphix

 

[Eternity]

But also as Franco said, if you walk around anywhere, most guys simply don't approach women, I actually did a project on this for social psych. I sat in the mall, looked over high traffic areas and almost no girls were approached, and those that were, were on friendly or "I know you" terms, so no cold approaches.

That's funny, In my mind Im always thinking there are guys with very tight game meeting these girls at night for some fun if you know what i mean. Like you guys,

Felt like shit knowing i may not stand a chance when competing with these type of men for these girls...

 

[Marty]

Franco: thanks for the reassurance. I can totally understand your reasons for preferring the night scene, and with ability like yours, I shouldn't be surprised if you actually welcome the competition and the token female resistance as opportunities to keep your skill set sharp. But I'm glad to know it is possible to stand out by conducting approaches (well) during the daytime.

Zphix: kudos to you not only for studying psychology but for actually using PU as the topic for one of your papers, LOL! I know what you mean by the "hit-and-run" complimenting style, it kinda leaves a bad taste in the mouth; I admit to having done it occasionally but this is in cases where I have been 90% certain (through body language, intuition etc.) that a girl will not open, but have tried to open her anyway, just for the hell of it and to get an additional reference point. Then when she (predictably) fails to open, I politely take my leave ;-)

Both: as you may have gathered I've only been in the States a few years; prior to that I spent most of my career working in various countries of the former USSR. Over there, interestingly, the street approach is a fact of life in most big cities, presumably a relic of the bad old commie days when there were no decent venues to socialize in. However, in most instances I've witnessed, the men are very wooden and awkward about it; the "opener", if you can call it that, I've heard most often is as follows: Devushka, mozhno s Vami poznakomitsia?, meaning "Young woman, may I make your acquaintance?"

Of course, this is at once a stuffy, outdated and gimmicky routine, not to mention supplicatory, and predictably, girls hate it. I have never seen a successful pickup or even number close. However, some guys presumably know what they're doing, as the (excellently executed) street approach is romanticized in movies: here's an awe-inspiring example (skip to 0:02:35 and enjoy)!

 

[PinotNoir]

For most girls that I have dated and asked: almost never during the day.

Even the cutest girls that I've known. On the subway, guys have gotten up for them or have performed other chivalrous acts where she even tried to start conversation and wanted him to ask her out, but no dice.

The girls that I have known that do get asked out during the day are very sociable and friendly. They usually start the conversation.

Where I live, this is how most girls get dates:

• Church or church-related events (like singles nights or a hiking trip)
• Bars/clubs or anywhere with alcohol (bowling alley)
• Social circle
• Internet
• Ex-boyfriends
• At work (especially if they're a server/bartender/cashier)

Basically, if you ask out a woman in a way that is not on the list above, it's bold and intriguing.

Like Franco said, I never see guys approaching during the day. It's usually just me

 

[lux7]

In my experience, in the places I've been, it can happen relatively frequently but it's a mixed bag and cultural differences and location even in the same Country plays a big role (bigger cities much more likely even though many of those can be real street creeps, smaller towns much more unlikely).

Once I was out with a cute girl a few days after I had met her and she said that after me 3 more people approached her and she had been out with one (non PUA related I believe).
But the funny thing is, she also said that before those days... She couldn't remember ever having happened before.

In this other city I am the PUA thing is quite popular. I have a post on where in the main square of the city a small army of "PUAs" gathers and make it hard -and annoying- for many girls to walk through.
But if you'd take that central square out of the equation, then... Then I wouldn't know as I'm still fresh around here.

 

[PinotNoir]

In this other city I am the PUA thing is quite popular. I have a post on where in the main square of the city a small army of "PUAs" gathers and make it hard -and annoying- for many girls to walk through.

That's pretty interesting. I guess my tactic here would be:

1) Go alone
2) Be actively shopping (bag in hand or something in a store in the Main Square)
3) Don't directly approach women head on; try while in line or side-to-side

That sounds pretty tough. I wonder what would happen if the entire world was filled with PUAs.

Avoiding the Main Square is probably the best solution. However, I'm surprised that this didn't make the "Main Square" attract girls wanting a mate, maybe the "PUA army" is not very good?

 

[lux7]

That sounds pretty tough. I wonder what would happen if the entire world was filled with PUAs.

That's also an interesting question .

I guess in a way it is already in as everyone is interested in finding a mate.

Then if everyone was a PUA getting girls would become a bit more competitive but I guess other things in life would get easier, like... Finding a good job or getting the best in the world in some sport/activity as everyone else would just be thinking about girls

And I guess also guys willing to settle down would be much more successful in a world of players