IE she HAS to do something after like study for a test or get supplies for work (both of which has happened). I feel like going for the kiss takes all the mystery out of it, but not going for the kiss makes it seem too friendly. In these cases I do intend to see her again to try and close the deal when the logistics are better.
How should I end dates that don't result in sex?
- Thread starter Scofield
- Start date
I don't know the whole situation, and there is probably context that is needed to really make a true assesment here. But if I were to guess, seems like you may be somewhat timid to just make a move and see what it nets you. If you're waiting too long, or aren't building up sexual tension, you are easing yourself into the 'friend zone'.
If you can, offer more information.
If you can, offer more information.
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I had this situation with the girl in my FR - I now know its better to go for a kiss at the height of things - when she's leaning on you and into you - be dominant initiate a kiss and then push her away (this is VERY important that you are incontrol the whole way especially the end) and keep talking - dont wait till the end - not kissing may build intrigue but I think this is only effective if you are really laying on the sexiness (which you should be doing true!) - otherwise I think it sets the right tone - no kiss is a little lame I found - can make you seem undecisive. However if you are going to sleep with her that night it isnt a good idea (so you need to be sure you cant - which should be VERY rare)kayrn said:
Not that complicated, and sorry but neither of those replies are helpful so I guess I wasn't clear enough.
So date goes well, but we only talk for 60-90 minutes until the place closes (places here close at 9 pm). Even if it's going well, I'm not making a move in a coffee place/restaurant. I suggest hanging out some more but she can't for whatever reason...she has to study/get up early/do something for work/scheduled something for after etc. Meaning nothing is going to happen that night. Do I just drop her off and leave? Do I go for a kiss on the dropoff? A hug? A handshake? This has happened a few times actually.
So date goes well, but we only talk for 60-90 minutes until the place closes (places here close at 9 pm). Even if it's going well, I'm not making a move in a coffee place/restaurant. I suggest hanging out some more but she can't for whatever reason...she has to study/get up early/do something for work/scheduled something for after etc. Meaning nothing is going to happen that night. Do I just drop her off and leave? Do I go for a kiss on the dropoff? A hug? A handshake? This has happened a few times actually.
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Hey Scofield,
There might be more going on here than you realize. If a girl "has to go" at 9 pm, then it usually has less to do with her "having to go" somewhere rather than it does with her not being excited enough to actually head back to your place with you. If you think about it, who REALLY has to "go" at 9 pm? No one goes to sleep at that hour... especially a girl who was excited and intrigued by a sexy man on a date.
So there can be several issues here. The first issue could be that you need to work on your sexual framing and get her to see you in a sexual light to build intrigue and suspense. If a girl is constantly thinking about sex with you, she'll be a lot more likely to want to invest more time into you, especially if she is turned on.
The second issue could be your fundamentals -- perhaps you may be having good conversation with her, but are you making solid eye contact with "bedroom" eyes while she speaks? Are you flashing "sexy smiles" whenever she says something that amuses you and giving the "bored look" when she says things that don't amuse you? Your fundamentals on the date play an important role in how she feels about you by the end of the date.
The last issue could be that you need to be more persistent when you try to pull her home. This is a great opportunity to be playful with a sexy voice. Using your examples:
These are just a couple of examples... in general, most women I take on dates now rarely even give me resistance for coming home with me, so I usually don't have to persist much. But a hard push at the end if the girl is giving excuses is a great way to get her to change her mind.
If, for whatever reason, she seems to be absolutely adamant about not going back with you, then it's probably best to try to set up another date with her right there on the spot and then just leave her with a sexy smile. This is probably best done while you are already walking away so that you don't get that "awkward moment" where she tries to go for a hug while you are just standing there.
Anyway, I hope this helps!
- Franco
There might be more going on here than you realize. If a girl "has to go" at 9 pm, then it usually has less to do with her "having to go" somewhere rather than it does with her not being excited enough to actually head back to your place with you. If you think about it, who REALLY has to "go" at 9 pm? No one goes to sleep at that hour... especially a girl who was excited and intrigued by a sexy man on a date.
So there can be several issues here. The first issue could be that you need to work on your sexual framing and get her to see you in a sexual light to build intrigue and suspense. If a girl is constantly thinking about sex with you, she'll be a lot more likely to want to invest more time into you, especially if she is turned on.
The second issue could be your fundamentals -- perhaps you may be having good conversation with her, but are you making solid eye contact with "bedroom" eyes while she speaks? Are you flashing "sexy smiles" whenever she says something that amuses you and giving the "bored look" when she says things that don't amuse you? Your fundamentals on the date play an important role in how she feels about you by the end of the date.
The last issue could be that you need to be more persistent when you try to pull her home. This is a great opportunity to be playful with a sexy voice. Using your examples:
- Her: "I have to study tonight though...!"
You: "Come on, it's still early! I'll have you back home in time to ace that test." *sexy smile*
Her: "But I have work tomorrow morning...!"
You: "So do I, and even I don't go to sleep at 9 pm! Come hang out for an hour or so -- you'll be tucked in bed in no time!" *sexy smile*
These are just a couple of examples... in general, most women I take on dates now rarely even give me resistance for coming home with me, so I usually don't have to persist much. But a hard push at the end if the girl is giving excuses is a great way to get her to change her mind.
If, for whatever reason, she seems to be absolutely adamant about not going back with you, then it's probably best to try to set up another date with her right there on the spot and then just leave her with a sexy smile. This is probably best done while you are already walking away so that you don't get that "awkward moment" where she tries to go for a hug while you are just standing there.
Anyway, I hope this helps!
- Franco
I see.
Usually it's not the case of bad framing...I meant it was a combination of things she has to do, ie study AND wake up early to take a test. One girl had to go to do something at 9 for work. Another girl had scheduled to meet up with friends at 10...and was really hesitant to break it (she rarely gets to see them or something). Etc.
Maybe I'm not doing everything perfectly...but somehow I don't think it's because I'm doing anything wrong. Maybe I'm not being persistent enough. But sometimes logistics do just get in the way. (Especially when I don't have my own place.)
So I should just schedule another date asap? And have no contact upon leaving besides a sexy smile?
Usually it's not the case of bad framing...I meant it was a combination of things she has to do, ie study AND wake up early to take a test. One girl had to go to do something at 9 for work. Another girl had scheduled to meet up with friends at 10...and was really hesitant to break it (she rarely gets to see them or something). Etc.
Maybe I'm not doing everything perfectly...but somehow I don't think it's because I'm doing anything wrong. Maybe I'm not being persistent enough. But sometimes logistics do just get in the way. (Especially when I don't have my own place.)
So I should just schedule another date asap? And have no contact upon leaving besides a sexy smile?
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Scofield,
Are these things that you knew about before you went on the date? If they are, then it probably is in your best interest to re-schedule as she is preemptively throwing a wrench in your logistics and process. I try not to go on dates anymore where I know physical escalation is not possible. Keep in mind that you can always just take her to your car to "show her something" and make a move there (if you drove a car to the date).
If these are things that she brought up during/after the date, then you might want to review how the date went and think about where you might be able to improve your interaction with her as a lot of times this is just an excuse for her to go home.
It's always a crapshoot when you have to go for another date without any type of physical escalation with the girl, but yeah, I feel like this is the best way to go about it. If she really wasn't interested, she might schedule the date with you there and then cancel by text later. But it's usually easier to get a date out of her right there in person than it is by text message, since it's very common for girls to flake on answering text messages anyway.
- Franco
Are these things that you knew about before you went on the date? If they are, then it probably is in your best interest to re-schedule as she is preemptively throwing a wrench in your logistics and process. I try not to go on dates anymore where I know physical escalation is not possible. Keep in mind that you can always just take her to your car to "show her something" and make a move there (if you drove a car to the date).
If these are things that she brought up during/after the date, then you might want to review how the date went and think about where you might be able to improve your interaction with her as a lot of times this is just an excuse for her to go home.
It's always a crapshoot when you have to go for another date without any type of physical escalation with the girl, but yeah, I feel like this is the best way to go about it. If she really wasn't interested, she might schedule the date with you there and then cancel by text later. But it's usually easier to get a date out of her right there in person than it is by text message, since it's very common for girls to flake on answering text messages anyway.
- Franco
Franco said:
No, I usually don't ask what the girls are doing after the date and it's probably best not to I'd think lol. Yes....they can be excuses...that doesn't necessarily mean that they are. Sometimes they mention it earlier in the date, not necessarily right at the end. In fact I know that all of the ones I mentioned aren't straight away lies/excuses, one girl mentioned she had friends in from out of town (and even invited me to join them), another told me she had to go do something for work next door afterwards, etc. One of the girls even pushed to see me again the next week (and to start our date earlier so we'd have more time to hang out) but I just told her that I might be busy and I'd give her a text when I was free. Yes, I do have a car, but if I suggest "showing them something" it's usually me saying there's a song I want them to hear...but it takes a few minutes before I can set the proper mood to make a move...and I just don't have the time to do so with the girls pushing me to call it a night. 9 might not be early to a lot of you, but a lot of people are early risers (one of the girls gets up at 5:30 am for work, another at 6 am for class). Again, as far as I'm concerned it was logistics and not necessarily anything I'm doing wrong. Hell, I even remember reading an article by Ricardus where a girl had to leave a date early twice...I'm sure I'm not the only one that it happens to. Again again, I'm not saying I'm doing everything perfectly, but that's something I'm working on...not exactly something that can be corrected here. The main purpose of this topic is to figure out what to do when it does happen. What do I say/do what I part ways with her? No hug? What if she goes for the hug? What should I say?
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There's an easy way to tell if you did everything right and it was just the logistics that were off. For the next date, have her meet you at your place to watch a movie/ have dinner. If you did everything right then she will jump all over it, if not, then it probably wasn't the logistics that were holding you back.
Also, it sounds like you were picking these girls up for the date. Next time, have them meet you at the venue. That way you're less invested and you don't have the awkward drop off if the date didn't go as you planned.
Also, it sounds like you were picking these girls up for the date. Next time, have them meet you at the venue. That way you're less invested and you don't have the awkward drop off if the date didn't go as you planned.
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In that case, here is what I would do. Have her meet you at a coffee shop, then grab your coffee and head back into your car. Drive out to a secluded spot, park, get nice and close to her, and then deep dive in your car. This should make it easy to escalate things, since you don't have to move her. If your deep dive is successful, you should be able to see it in her eyes and demeanor that she trusts and relates to you. At this point, you escalate.