First post here, I've read the stuff on this site for some time but this current girl I met finally got me to register for the forums and ask for some advice.
So I'm an Asian-American living and working in Japan with no plans to leave anytime soon, recently graduated. Met this girl on a trip (half-Japanese and half-presumably white from Australia, if it matters), also recently graduated though somehow she's 21 and I'm 24. Anyways, it was her friend that approached me first to ask a question, and we just started a conversation and I ended up talking to her quite a bit (mostly within the context of a group conversation) for much of the night, playing random games like Taboo and stuff, joking around a lot (she even made some sexual jokes with me being the only guy around), this all being under the influence of at least a couple drinks of alcohol.
Next day, taking separate buses back home, we met at 2 rest stops, continuing to talk, and before it's time for us to part ways at the end, she talks with another new friend that we both made (also a girl) about a planned clubbing night and then turns to me and says, "You're going, right? Yeah, you're going." To which I accept. And then as we are about to say our goodbyes, she basically runs up to me and gives me a hug.
I list this out in such detail because I really am a beginner in love and relationships in many senses. Virgin (doesn't bother me too much actually), only been in one short-term relationship where the girl confessed to me, I've never actually asked out any girl myself, etc. Apparently, I'm pretty good-looking, it's just that I lack initiative, as my college roommates once pondered, "Why don't you have a girlfriend? Oh yeah cause you're a pussy." Especially since I've come to Japan, my looks apparently have jumped a tier cause I do get some female attention (though I'm not particularly interested in the ones that have come to me, but I'm still friendly and friends with them). I do have quite a female friends, none (except this new one) that I'm interested in, I actually have the suspicion that I might have friendzoned a few of them, but I'm a bit dense. Anyways, people say I'm really easy to talk to, and I consider myself quite good at this deep-diving stuff that has been written about in the articles, EXCEPT for that last part about escalation and closing, which I have basically no experience in (but I think I can learn, I think I somehow learned on my own this deep-diving stuff too, since at one point I was a bit anti-social).
I think this girl might be interested in me, or at least regards me as a potentially good friend she wants to get close to. She didn't do any of the obvious things like playfully punching my shoulder, playing with her hair, etc, but she always had this smile when talking to me and leaned it a bit closer. This could all be just my imagination though. Also know that apparently she broke up with a long-term boyfriend over issues of her wanting to stay as opposed to returning to Australia.
Anyways, after reading the stuff on this site, this clubbing get-together seems like a potential disaster, but what's done is done and I want to make the best of it. We do live 2 and half hours by train (but with 2 major cities between us so I'm not too worried about the logistics of meeting up if things do end up working out), so if I miss this who knows when the next time we meet will be and I want to spend some time with her personally before taking any decisive action anyways. The meet-up will be with me, her, her really good friend who I talked to first before her (who is in Japan on a visit and will be leaving the next day) and another girl we met at the trip, and we're all friendly with each other so far, so no need to put effort into convincing anyone that I'm a good guy or anything. First will be an izakaya (traditional Japanese restaurant/bar sorta place), then a bar, then clubbing. One girl will probably stay until the last train, and the girl I'm after and her friend and me will be staying the night somewhere (Japan is full of places where you can crash on a moment's notice).
My main goal for the night is to ask out the girl to a future date. Anything more is improbable, I would think, since she still has her friend around and can't leave her hanging (the two of us can speak conversational Japanese, her visiting friend can't). Clubbing of course has its risks, but I think in Japan it might be slightly less risky, since Japanese men either do nothing to approach girls or come on way too strong and fail spectacularly, while I think the foreign men will probably be going after native Japanese girls (though the girl I'm after is pretty).
Anyone have any suggestions how I should go about asking this girl out? It's probably an elementary question to most people on this forum, but to me it's really a new thing to initiate. It's not that I'm particularly afraid of being rejected, I'm still OK with being just her friend if that's the way it works out (I'm actually like a girl in this respect, I lose attraction pretty quickly and move on with my life), but this whole turning a friendly interaction into something romantic is a new frontier for me, and I have no idea how to go about doing it.
So I'm an Asian-American living and working in Japan with no plans to leave anytime soon, recently graduated. Met this girl on a trip (half-Japanese and half-presumably white from Australia, if it matters), also recently graduated though somehow she's 21 and I'm 24. Anyways, it was her friend that approached me first to ask a question, and we just started a conversation and I ended up talking to her quite a bit (mostly within the context of a group conversation) for much of the night, playing random games like Taboo and stuff, joking around a lot (she even made some sexual jokes with me being the only guy around), this all being under the influence of at least a couple drinks of alcohol.
Next day, taking separate buses back home, we met at 2 rest stops, continuing to talk, and before it's time for us to part ways at the end, she talks with another new friend that we both made (also a girl) about a planned clubbing night and then turns to me and says, "You're going, right? Yeah, you're going." To which I accept. And then as we are about to say our goodbyes, she basically runs up to me and gives me a hug.
I list this out in such detail because I really am a beginner in love and relationships in many senses. Virgin (doesn't bother me too much actually), only been in one short-term relationship where the girl confessed to me, I've never actually asked out any girl myself, etc. Apparently, I'm pretty good-looking, it's just that I lack initiative, as my college roommates once pondered, "Why don't you have a girlfriend? Oh yeah cause you're a pussy." Especially since I've come to Japan, my looks apparently have jumped a tier cause I do get some female attention (though I'm not particularly interested in the ones that have come to me, but I'm still friendly and friends with them). I do have quite a female friends, none (except this new one) that I'm interested in, I actually have the suspicion that I might have friendzoned a few of them, but I'm a bit dense. Anyways, people say I'm really easy to talk to, and I consider myself quite good at this deep-diving stuff that has been written about in the articles, EXCEPT for that last part about escalation and closing, which I have basically no experience in (but I think I can learn, I think I somehow learned on my own this deep-diving stuff too, since at one point I was a bit anti-social).
I think this girl might be interested in me, or at least regards me as a potentially good friend she wants to get close to. She didn't do any of the obvious things like playfully punching my shoulder, playing with her hair, etc, but she always had this smile when talking to me and leaned it a bit closer. This could all be just my imagination though. Also know that apparently she broke up with a long-term boyfriend over issues of her wanting to stay as opposed to returning to Australia.
Anyways, after reading the stuff on this site, this clubbing get-together seems like a potential disaster, but what's done is done and I want to make the best of it. We do live 2 and half hours by train (but with 2 major cities between us so I'm not too worried about the logistics of meeting up if things do end up working out), so if I miss this who knows when the next time we meet will be and I want to spend some time with her personally before taking any decisive action anyways. The meet-up will be with me, her, her really good friend who I talked to first before her (who is in Japan on a visit and will be leaving the next day) and another girl we met at the trip, and we're all friendly with each other so far, so no need to put effort into convincing anyone that I'm a good guy or anything. First will be an izakaya (traditional Japanese restaurant/bar sorta place), then a bar, then clubbing. One girl will probably stay until the last train, and the girl I'm after and her friend and me will be staying the night somewhere (Japan is full of places where you can crash on a moment's notice).
My main goal for the night is to ask out the girl to a future date. Anything more is improbable, I would think, since she still has her friend around and can't leave her hanging (the two of us can speak conversational Japanese, her visiting friend can't). Clubbing of course has its risks, but I think in Japan it might be slightly less risky, since Japanese men either do nothing to approach girls or come on way too strong and fail spectacularly, while I think the foreign men will probably be going after native Japanese girls (though the girl I'm after is pretty).
Anyone have any suggestions how I should go about asking this girl out? It's probably an elementary question to most people on this forum, but to me it's really a new thing to initiate. It's not that I'm particularly afraid of being rejected, I'm still OK with being just her friend if that's the way it works out (I'm actually like a girl in this respect, I lose attraction pretty quickly and move on with my life), but this whole turning a friendly interaction into something romantic is a new frontier for me, and I have no idea how to go about doing it.
" - You don't want to hide your attraction to her.