How To Be a Good Teacher?

[PrettyDecent]

Hey cats,

Seem to be bumping into more and more cold-approachers lately, and I have an interest in developing the abilities of some potentially talented lads.

I've already met with a few of these fellas, and here are some problems I've run into:

1.) It just doesn't feel like the information I give soaks into their heads. And sometimes it feels like I can't "sell" the importance of using a technique - example: some texting I see is horrendous, so I say, try it like this... I show them the text convo of a girl that I ended up sleeping with, and they still don't use the technique I showed

2.) My mentoring with any one person goes for usually two (2) meets - the only longer ones are the fellas that I become friends with.

3.) I can't figure how much I need to be teaching, and how much I need to let the person just practice. And when I am teaching, HOW MUCH teaching I'm supposed to do, I have no idea.

At the end of the day, I'd like to see less of "Yeah, cool, thanks dude", and more of "That piece of advice you gave me totally worked! Thanks!"

Thanks for your help, fellas

~Nick

 

[ray_zorse]

I've had a similar problem as I've field tested several potential wings and although I've been impressed (several times) with their willingness to put themselves out there and take a shot at things I have also noticed glaring problems in how they are approaching... umm have considered just putting them onto GC to research the whole thing for themselves but have not, I suppose because (1) I want to be a guru and impress people (2) as Chase says when talking to naturals don't mention online PU community because it sounds like a bunch of nerds sitting behind their computers trying to get good at PU without any fieldwork and remaining totally uncalibrated (3) frankly if they had the grit and determination to stick at it until they get good with girls... they would have found GC by themselves anyway.

So yeah the only real option is to point out specific flaws in their technique and the appropriate fix... personally I think this is a waste of time unless they ask you for help specifically, you obviously have found the same thing (my experience with this is mainly in various workplaces where I have tried to teach colleagues/subordinates about the gear we are selling or developing... or about software, hardware etc... total waste of time, no matter how much they say they want to learn, if they aren't asking you specific questions and taking reaponsibility for their own journey... then either they aren't engaged or they are looking to be spoonfed in such a way that they don't need to work at it, no good).

However, if it's important to you then use the techniques in "How to win friends and influence people"... Act as if they already know how to do what is being taught. Give lots of praise, encouragement and flattery. Upgrade "you did it great, but ..." to "you did it great, and ...". And if you absolutely must criticize then begin by outlining all the times you made the exact same mistake or similar or worse ones in the past, highlight how much better they are doing than how you were at the time and then lead into the constructive criticism as gently as possible. I've been using these techniques with my kids and they work.

cheers, Ray

 

[Richard]

As a teacher, you cannot simply give them information and hope that they'll take it. As a teacher, it's your job to understand what they want to learn (from a generic to a specific goal) and then give them the advice needed to reach that point.

I've mentored plenty of guys and I applied what I learned in teaching Karate to teaching pick-up and that is the advice I gave you above. The guys I know with potential who were struggling at one point were guys who knew I was involved with lots of women and they knew I was into pick up so I'd tell them something like:

"Hey bro, you've got a lot of natural talent with women but you seem to be frustrated with your progress. Want some help with anything?"

and most guys respond one of two ways:

a) "Yeah bro! My texting seems to be pretty bad like she's interested in me when I meet up but when we text it feels really boring."

or

b) "Nah bro. I got this myself." and the guys who decline my help usually feel disrespected or incompetent at accepting help so I give them a parting offer like:

"I admire your drive buddy and I'll leave you to it but if you ever want some help or have something you wanna talk about hit me up about it"

and then sometime later they'll usually hit me up or actually figure things out by themselves.

All in all, when you teach your job is to offer your help but only if they're asking for it or are willing to take it. You're only wasting your breath and energy by giving advice to someone who doesn't want it.

-Richard

 

[PrettyDecent]

Hey fellas,

Thanks for the handy advice.

@ray_zorse -

Good stuff, man. Going to shift my strategy to more praise and acknowledgement of progress. Especially when the skill is difficult, the more it attracts ambitious people who already have the drive to succeed, but just don't know how. Constructive criticism is a way to subtly suggest a technical improvement. Cheers, Ray

@Zphix -

Thanks, dude. I know you've done some teaching for some potential lads in the past, so your advice is appreciated

Thinking I'll start asking for goals and general questions before diving into the nitty-gritty. My natural instinct is to provide value via advice to anybody struggling with women - its like "well, these lads are trying to learn seduction and I'm having success sleeping with new women, so OF COURSE they want to know how I do it!", which is plenty of times not the case, as you mentioned, because of pride and not wanting to feel incompetent.

Seek those who want to be taught and figure out exactly the path their after, and help them achieve that - that seems to be the right route.

~Nick

 

[PinotNoir]

I hate Jordan Belfort (Wolf of Wall Street movie), but he does know how to sell:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKY4r2RFi4Q#t=239

He's not a great teacher, can be overly verbose.

But, this is one of his greatest ideas: the straight line. Every "sale" is the same.

Start simple. See every approach has having the same fundamental blocks.

First:
Stand up straight.
Move slow.
Talk slow with deeper voice.
Strong eye contact.

Second:
Approach.
Compliment her.

Third:
Build rapport.
Get her talking and investing.
Get her chasing.
Chase frames.

Close.

Only use texting for setting up meetups. In person and over the phone is where you build rapport. Texting is only for scheduling dates.

Of course, the above is very black & white, and as you move past beginner, much of it changes and evolves.

But when starting out, you have to trim away all of the intermediate/advanced stuff. You have to just have simple, precise things to do and work on, and you have to treat a lot of the first approaches as the same.

Think about teaching someone English or teaching someone to ride a bike. What is the most effective way if they have never done it? What do you teach first?

As for the guys you're bumping into, it sounds like a lot of them already have their cup full and not willing to try your techniques. You're trying to teach people that already have their cup full or already perceive themselves as black belts. This really isn't your fault or something you can fix. People need to willingly empty their cup a bit of water in order to take new water in.

 

[Rage]

From my memory I recall some time ago (quite a while back in some comment that I had read somewhere) that Chase had said being a good teacher takes:

1. being able to analyze where your student is going wrong and analyze what is messing him up what is holding him back (which won’t necessarily always be what he thinks that is)

2. being able to relate with anecdotes relate to him what you want him to cling to, the particular lesson or theme that you may happen to get to want him to understand at the moment

3. being able to perform yourself to show him how its properly done and to also of course make him be able to consciously give a shit about what you have to say ; if you’re all words but no substance or practical ability to back it up then the student may not be able to hear what you say because who you actually are speaks volumes more to him (as Emerson would say).

I think alongside these 3 that Chase had mentioned there are one or two other relevant things here.

One thing that comes to mind is that your student has to be genuinely curious, genuinely intent on learning and progressing and developing his abilities. He must be a good mentee https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-find-mentor and really the type that’s a fixer and looking to make practical progress. It doesn’t work if he's one of those guys who come and go on the boards asking hypothetical questions and not being convinced (spending some time before being overcome by a wave of cognitive dissonance at the fact that most of the guys here aren’t so quick to complain or eager to vent as lengthily about their frustrations/setbacks as he wants to; and he summarily leaves).

There’s that you need a willing student yeah; the other thing that comes to my mind that kind of coincides with number 2 of Chase’s is being a good communicator. I call this being a good communicator (was writing about this the other day and like to call it that) and basically what that is is how effectively a teacher can communicate the rudiments and main points of what he wants to teach to the student/audience/receiver in a way that they can relatably and simply understand what it is.

Plenty of people are really great at one thing or another. But majority of them are average to below average communicators (think of guys that are naturals that can’t teach for shit; or professors of university you may have had who really deeply know their subject material but are middling to poor in their communicating ability).

On the other hand when you have that base amount of necessary curiosity, and a great communicator (with great expertise/practical ability) teaching you, it’s wonderful to listen to,, really fascinating and gripping to take in, and you feel like you can learn the most advanced things in the world with this guy explaining them to you (a great communicator whittle down the most advanced concepts into relatable snippets of bite sized storable info; examples of guys like this would be Neil de Grasse Tyson explaining physics, or Sal Khan from Khan Academy).

Chase is an extraordinary communicator… very much so; everything about seduction he broke down to very basic rudiments and if you read each of his cornerstone (foundational) pieces, they are designed so that anyone from any field/background/walk of life can come in knowing nothing about the topic and understand what it’s about… and after, whether they agree or disagree they can acknowledge that “yeah these are valid points that this random guy on the internet (Chase) has made and (whether they agree or disagree, they can acknowledge) he knows what the fuck he's talking about and has put a great deal of ration and reason and evidence and just overall backing into what he has to say”.

Analogies, stories, making the content SEO friendly (and friendly to the eyes), headlines, linking articles site navigation etc.; all that goes into making the site into an efficiently communicating site.

So in being a good communicator in terms of teaching, in that same way a variety of elements will go into it and you will need to endeavor to fulfill as many of those as you can to the best of ability of which you can.

Practical knowhow (and ability i.e. not purely theoretical) + Good communicator ability = A great teacher who can talk the talk and walk the walk (and show the earnest student how to as well, in due time).

-Gem

 

[trashKENNUT]

PrettyDecent,

I hope this few links help, if any.

Don't kill yourself with not trusting people/teacher

What we don't see, The irony of all of us

Zac