- Joined
- Oct 23, 2013
- Messages
- 473
I wanted to write briefly about something that occurred to me today that I think is a very simple concept/mindset shift, but that is powerful once done by guys.
Often there are these situations where one thing seems like it is up to someone else and you have to do it because of that (or up to circumstance and you have to do it because of that). For example a friend of mine was telling me about the girl he’s seen for a few dates who he just wants to bang, and asking me what he did wrong. He told me how he’d had a good date and the girl was really into him, and then he went and made out with her for 2 hours, and did nothing else. According to him she didn’t want to do anything else, and he tried to move things towards something more but she wasn’t having it.
I could just recommend the site to him here and not give him any great advice more without the valuable and necessary context which the site provides.
But it occurred to me that many of these problems new guys face with game don’t have to be faced by them, if they can be decisive and definitive about what they want and don’t want and become habitual and deliberate about going for what they do want.
What does this mean in context of my example? Well to begin, I want to further an aside and say that a lot of the problems that guys starting out with pickup have I never had. And a successful entrepreneur or a good salesman who took up pickup would likely not have them either.
What it takes is understanding, acknowledging, and taking charge of what one wants, what one wants to happen to them, and realizing all the variables that one has in their power and then going and using all those in their power to consequently work to their favor.
So in terms of my example, my friend might have been at a loss as far as what to do strategically or technically in the situation he was in. But he did know what he wanted and what he didn’t want; and he could have acted in terms of that.
“I want to have sex with the girl” “I don’t want to make out with her a long time, I want to have sex with her”; it was clear that making out for several hours wasn’t going to lead to him having sex with her so he should have just upped and left and someone with a stronger honesty with themselves about what they do and don’t want would do so in the situation.
Something that is critical here: honesty with self.
What does that mean, how would that be defined, or what would that signify?
Many people reading this might think that well my friend thought that making out for a long time he would eventually get into the girls pants (and that it was the mindset and the incorrect premise that was at fault). But I believe that my friend if he were brutally honest with himself, would at some part within him know that this wasn’t leading anywhere and that he was deluding himself thinking otherwise. He would realize that yeah doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity; and he would realize that sticking with the girl and thinking it would happen (without trying anything new or changing anything different) would amount to those guys who comment “damn! Cute!” on girls’ photos and fantasize a best case scenario outcome of the girl hitting them up and something coming out of that crapshoot.
At some point deeply within I think he (and most guys) could honestly see where he had chances of succeeding and where he didn’t.
And that’s what being decisive takes.
It takes being honest with yourself what you want and what you don’t want.
Going for what you want and avoiding and not going for what you don’t want.
Often it appears that it is circumstances, or other people or other things or influences that force you to do something or prevent you from doing something. But actually you remarkably have a great deal more power over yourself and what happens to you than you realize.
Really go out of your way to make it a point to go for and work to get what you want and rid of and avoid what you don’t, and it helps you make headway in multiple areas of your life (make headway before even learning any skills or techniques or tactics in the first place).
This is why I didn’t have many starting-out-guy problems that the budding entrepreneur or crafty salesman newly learning pickup likely wouldn’t either: because I knew and was very brutally honest about what I wanted and what I didn’t. And was honest if at essence I felt something was helping me or hurting me (was adding to progress or not).
This comes first before learning any techniques; and once techniques are learned they only augment and build on top of this foundational paradigm.
“Oh this girl wants me to go with her to her friend’s party and bring these gifts too… and help her buy them too”; “I’d like to do her, but do I want to do that?” “No I don’t so I won’t”
Or
“Oh this girl brought her friend over with her on a date, do I want to be here with her and friend?”; “do I brutally honestly think this helps or hurts my chances?” “I don’t think it helps, and I would have only wanted to be with just her, so I’ll be nice but leave now”.
I believe that even before knowing technique and technical elements of the site’s material, you can peel things back to an honesty with self-reflection, observation, and action about what you want and don’t want and further what honestly may help you or may not that you intuitively feel (the latter of which is a tad gray and is supplemented by what techniques you learn; the former however should be a stark drop of ax, “I want this, don’t want that, so will go for this and not go for that”).
I think that those are some key general tenets of what being decisive (going for what you want/not going for what you don’t) entail.
I believe guys starting out can progress much more efficiently and rapidly if they understand and embody this. And I believe that guys midway through can adopt this and progress much more naturally and smoothly that they would have turbulently and confusedly done otherwise.
-Gem
Often there are these situations where one thing seems like it is up to someone else and you have to do it because of that (or up to circumstance and you have to do it because of that). For example a friend of mine was telling me about the girl he’s seen for a few dates who he just wants to bang, and asking me what he did wrong. He told me how he’d had a good date and the girl was really into him, and then he went and made out with her for 2 hours, and did nothing else. According to him she didn’t want to do anything else, and he tried to move things towards something more but she wasn’t having it.
I could just recommend the site to him here and not give him any great advice more without the valuable and necessary context which the site provides.
But it occurred to me that many of these problems new guys face with game don’t have to be faced by them, if they can be decisive and definitive about what they want and don’t want and become habitual and deliberate about going for what they do want.
What does this mean in context of my example? Well to begin, I want to further an aside and say that a lot of the problems that guys starting out with pickup have I never had. And a successful entrepreneur or a good salesman who took up pickup would likely not have them either.
What it takes is understanding, acknowledging, and taking charge of what one wants, what one wants to happen to them, and realizing all the variables that one has in their power and then going and using all those in their power to consequently work to their favor.
So in terms of my example, my friend might have been at a loss as far as what to do strategically or technically in the situation he was in. But he did know what he wanted and what he didn’t want; and he could have acted in terms of that.
“I want to have sex with the girl” “I don’t want to make out with her a long time, I want to have sex with her”; it was clear that making out for several hours wasn’t going to lead to him having sex with her so he should have just upped and left and someone with a stronger honesty with themselves about what they do and don’t want would do so in the situation.
Something that is critical here: honesty with self.
What does that mean, how would that be defined, or what would that signify?
Many people reading this might think that well my friend thought that making out for a long time he would eventually get into the girls pants (and that it was the mindset and the incorrect premise that was at fault). But I believe that my friend if he were brutally honest with himself, would at some part within him know that this wasn’t leading anywhere and that he was deluding himself thinking otherwise. He would realize that yeah doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity; and he would realize that sticking with the girl and thinking it would happen (without trying anything new or changing anything different) would amount to those guys who comment “damn! Cute!” on girls’ photos and fantasize a best case scenario outcome of the girl hitting them up and something coming out of that crapshoot.
At some point deeply within I think he (and most guys) could honestly see where he had chances of succeeding and where he didn’t.
And that’s what being decisive takes.
It takes being honest with yourself what you want and what you don’t want.
Going for what you want and avoiding and not going for what you don’t want.
Often it appears that it is circumstances, or other people or other things or influences that force you to do something or prevent you from doing something. But actually you remarkably have a great deal more power over yourself and what happens to you than you realize.
Really go out of your way to make it a point to go for and work to get what you want and rid of and avoid what you don’t, and it helps you make headway in multiple areas of your life (make headway before even learning any skills or techniques or tactics in the first place).
This is why I didn’t have many starting-out-guy problems that the budding entrepreneur or crafty salesman newly learning pickup likely wouldn’t either: because I knew and was very brutally honest about what I wanted and what I didn’t. And was honest if at essence I felt something was helping me or hurting me (was adding to progress or not).
This comes first before learning any techniques; and once techniques are learned they only augment and build on top of this foundational paradigm.
“Oh this girl wants me to go with her to her friend’s party and bring these gifts too… and help her buy them too”; “I’d like to do her, but do I want to do that?” “No I don’t so I won’t”
Or
“Oh this girl brought her friend over with her on a date, do I want to be here with her and friend?”; “do I brutally honestly think this helps or hurts my chances?” “I don’t think it helps, and I would have only wanted to be with just her, so I’ll be nice but leave now”.
I believe that even before knowing technique and technical elements of the site’s material, you can peel things back to an honesty with self-reflection, observation, and action about what you want and don’t want and further what honestly may help you or may not that you intuitively feel (the latter of which is a tad gray and is supplemented by what techniques you learn; the former however should be a stark drop of ax, “I want this, don’t want that, so will go for this and not go for that”).
I think that those are some key general tenets of what being decisive (going for what you want/not going for what you don’t) entail.
I believe guys starting out can progress much more efficiently and rapidly if they understand and embody this. And I believe that guys midway through can adopt this and progress much more naturally and smoothly that they would have turbulently and confusedly done otherwise.
-Gem
