How to be less guarded?

[Drck]

To be less guarded you need to open up more, share more. When you meet a girl that is quite popular and relatable, notice that she usually shares a lot about her personal life, she share stories from her life. People can easily relate to her, she is open, she shares, she is sincere... She may not disclose everything, but she is not hiding things either...

To be guarded means the opposite. You don't share, you are not opening up, people can't relate to you, you appear distant, stuck in your head, awkward, perhaps even strange (if you don't have good positive vibes). Many guys are stuck in their heads, in stead of seeking and focusing on good things that are happening in life they are always analyzing what is wrong with them... The constant self-analyzing is wrong!

To be more genuine means to be more authentic, original. You are not trying to be anyone else, you are not trying to be out of touch mysterious guy, you are just yourself, cool, relaxed, aware of your own value as a guy... You are not trying to trick the girl into thinking that you are somehow the best and sexiest guy she's ever met, you are just who you are. You are not trying to be better than other guys in any way, rather you are emphasizing your characteristics, your values... But in order to do that, you should first understand who you are, and you should LIKE who you are - because if you like yourself just the way you are, you have no need to be or to pretend to be someone else...

Many guys here are trying to be someone else, they want to be this mysterious and popular alpha male who comes, all girls run after him, and then he fucks them and mysteriously disappears so they dream about him forever... That's wrong, because if you are trying to be someone else that you are not, the girl simply feels that you are not liking yoursel enough... Which means, if you are not liking yourself enough, she can't really like you enough either... So by trying (and many are trying very hard!) to be someone else, you are actually just digging a hole for yourself...

So the key is not trying to be mysterious guy, the key is to learn to like yourself just the way you are. The key is to be so comfortable in your own skin that when you see guys like Brad Pitt all you think is "what a fucking loser, fake". Never got a real job, all he does is being a clown, clowning in the movies... Of course he is not a loser, but his "mystery" is that he discovered how to be himself, how to express himself the way he is... he is not trying to be someone else, because he likes himself... Does that makes sense? You can see the same in other popular people, Obama, Trump, Clinton... They LIKE themselves the way they are, they don't want to be other people...

As far as being mysterious, you can sort of add to your personality or life things that you are not sharing readily with everyone. For example, you can be this open and genuine guy at work. People get to know you, they know something about you because you share some stories, but they don't have many clues about your personal life. Three years later they find out that you are e.g. Karate champion, or that you've just completed master degree, or some other passion that you might have.... Something they didn't expect... it's not a secret but at the same time you are not shoving into people's face how great you are, it is something that they have to discover, and the more they discover the more they are (ideally) interested...

See, lots of PUA pretend to be mysterious. They pretend to be someone else, they trick girls into thinking that they are somehow special, somehow mysterious... But they are not, they sleep with the girl, then she finds out that he is just casual guy, and she gets disappointed... As far as mystery, all he does is play Nintendo and watches Netflix, no passion for anything else, no life... That's why many people don't like PUA and seduction, because they somehow feel that there is lots of fakeness involved...

 

[Drck]

Of course. It is more complicated, as a young guy you should have some role-models, there is nothing wrong with it. But at the same time, perhaps as the time goes, you may want to evaluate whether this role-model fits you.

For example, say you like Bruce Lee (like millions of other guys around the world), he motivates you and you start doing Martial Arts. You also want to be a champion, you want to be exactly like him. That is all great, there is nothing wrong with following great example...

But all you know about Bruce Lee is couple movies, some other footage, some descriptions from his friends and family... All you see is the final product (movie) but you don't see the years of reality that lead to it...

So you have to sort of evaluate yourself. Bruce Lee was 130 pounds, maybe you have 180 pounds. He became really good by virtually exercising non-stop, every day, he ran couple miles every day and so forth...

Can you run couple miles every day - and still like it after couple of months? Can you practice hundreds of kicks every day, not just mechanically but constantly getting better at it? Can you drop down you weight to some 140-150 pounds so you can move around much faster?

See, that's where the difference is between following role-model and finding yourself. He found himself, he did what he thought is best for him. But you by imitating him are not finding yourself, you are just imitating somebody else.

So in stead of imitating what he did, see what better "fits" you. Maybe you hate running, you can't stand it. You would just be forcing yourself to do it mechanically. Maybe in stead of running 5 miles you like much better doing 50 squats with 200 pounds on your back, 3x per week, and you feel much better doing that... Or maybe you don't like squats at all, but you love to swim and dive, you feel much better diving in the ocean than sweating your ass off in the fitness... So in stead of being martial artist, you may discover that you like being body builder, swimmer, diver.... By exploring and following what you like and what fits you, is much better than imitating somebody else...

The same in other areas of life. Movie stars, actors, singers... All you see is 1.5 hour of their performance, you don't see months of preparation, you don't see their life... All you see is just the final product of their work...

Similarly with personalities. You can watch youtube with bunch of guys approaching girls. Some are more of assholes, others are just full of energy. You can imitate them - but is that you? Better way is to find out what fits you better.

If somebody here writes that you should be more dominant because girls like dominant guys, you then try to imitate dominance. Ok, it is cool, but are you dominant? Does it vibe with your personality? You sort of forcing yourself into being somebody you are not...

So better way is sort of discovering what works better for you. Maybe you are more of a pleasant personality. So you can approach girls in a pleasant way. It doesn't really matter, as long as you are approaching. You may find out that in stead of being asshole or tough guy, being a nice guy with eloquent communication works much better for you.

See, it should be good vibes, you should feel good about yourself, you should feel natural. If you try to be e.g. dominant while you are not, you feel awkward, and you are giving out awkward vibes... You can of course improve dominance as the time goes, but there is no reason to pretend to be someone who you are not...

To be authentic, to be true, to be genuine is much better than pretending to be someone else...

* Work on good fundamentals... Exercise, good body posture, relax... You don't have to be a model but put some nice clothes on you, be clean... Find some passion in life and go for it...
* Show sincere interest in her as a person
* Don't be needy and clingy, be independent, don't chase... You will be tested on this a lot... Sometimes the girl even pretends that she dumped you, just so she can see your reactions...
* Don't be too emotional, rather be laid back, keep it cool, positive...
* Learn some assertiveness, sort of keep gently pushing her forward... Girls are usually more submissive, you sort of have to push them where you want them to be (your bed) ...
* Being sexy simply means you want sex and you will go for it, without being too awkward... you don't really need any sexy smiles or sexy behavior, all she needs to know is that you are interested in sex..