Socializing How to Coffee Shop?

[TheEcho]

Hey all!

My brother is pushing me to start working outside the house so I'm not exclusively trying to meet girls at the gym (as several of you have also suggested). I have a laptop and am at a stage I don't need my ultrawide screen to work efficiently (currently 1 excel window vs 2 + chrome). So I would legitimately be grinding at Excel and researching stuff to start a business. I just feel like it would be odd to be planted in a coffee lounge and try to meet girls if I'm trying to actually do stuff. Is this just me making bs excuses? I've tried reading in coffee shops before, but found that to be a bit lame and hard to go open girls that arrive after you. Thoughts? Tips?

Side note, ordered several books yesterday, and just realized I should've gone to a book store in person...

Thanks all!

 

[DarkKnight]

Is this just me making bs excuses?

Yes

Stop overthinking, Start doing.

 

[TheEcho]

Lol thought so, but not totally sure how I'd go about approaching if I'm already planted when they get there. Feel like getting up and walking over would be very obvious and look tryhard, or nah? Or do I just focus on my work, hold good fundamentals and assume ones that land near me are interested?

Guess I can try to be near the far end of the place and pretend I'm going to the restroom, meaning I cross the whole place and can stop on the way back? Not super ideal with leaving a laptop behind lol. Gives me a chance to move them across the place to join me, though

 

[DarkKnight]

So what I first tend to do is scout the venue. If there are no hot babes around, I do not bother. search for another venue (assuming I am out to game instead of genuinely doing some work).

Otherwise indeed when girls are in some corner it is really contrived to walk up to them. Last week some broad who was obviously interested in me (trust me I know), was in the most elusive reclusive place possible. Probably a shy type girl and yeah I am not shy but also felt depleted (late at night I am an early bird) and did not feel the energy to go out of my way. However, when there are not enough people you just need to have some canned work so you do not have to think in the moment about what to say. If nothing else pretend to not know where the restroom is or how something works, if the girl likes you you can try and hang in there instead of eject early. You will get more fluid with this the more you try it out.

 

[TheEcho]

Would you make any efforts to “game them” from a distance as they come in and order? Eye contact, smirk, gesture them over, or is that just crushing your value as a “busy man”

 

[DarkKnight]

Would you make any efforts to “game them” from a distance as they come in and order?

No. But I do socialize and build good preselection. I guess I depend heavily on great fundamentals as well.

 

[TheEcho]

Definitely need to get those locked down to make my life easier in general…

 

[Will_V]

If you're doing something you're not used to, it can make it easier if you start off by approaching in a social way. Then as you get more comfortable add in more seduction.

 

[Beck Bass]

If you're doing something you're not used to, it can make it easier if you start off by approaching in a social way. Then as you get more comfortable add in more seduction.

Yeah, go in just to talk and be social, your AA will subside eventually, for the most part. Then, when you have a good oportunity, you can go in and spit some real game in a girl that seems higher odds, a girl you're more interested in, whatever.

Definitely need to get those locked down to make my life easier in general…

Yeah, fundies are a must... Posture is a big one, just like voice. Though voice is one of the most complex, you can do so much with it... From accents to different tones for different emotions, speed, accenting parts of words to give more... MEAning... And such. Eye contact is a lot like that, as well.
And you also have the obvious "looks" stuff, fashion, body (mostly just being fit or having much fat, but muscles can be good as well), grooming, teeth, all that stuff. Some people like perfume/cologne/that ype of stuff, but I myself can't stand strong smells, specially in myself (even in girls I more dislike it than like, because everytime I go lick their neck I get intoxicated with all the chemicals lmao), there's also that pheromone masking stuff, I rather they smell my testosterone and my desire for them <3

 

[TheEcho]

there's also that pheromone masking stuff, I rather they smell my testosterone and my desire for them <3

So like what do you use for armpits? Mine seem to need consistent hard cleaning and deodorant to not go bad. Maybe the constant use has created a problematic cycle?

I think my single biggest fundamentals sticking point is I tend to constantly survey my surroundings. Not even just for girls, but I feel like 500 years ago, I'd have been a scout, given my constant desire to be aware of my environment. Not having 20/20 really hurts the ability to use peripherals, since my contacts aren't quite perfect and glasses have the dead space around them where you'd be observing peripherally. I'm pretty good about focusing on a girl once I'm talking to her, but have been called "lost" when I was young lol. Cleaned up a bit since then, but the tendency is still strong.

 

[Beck Bass]

So like what do you use for armpits?

Ohh this is where I compromise, I do use deodorant with quite a crazy perfume (I like this yellow Axe... V8 I think, it's supposed to be like cliche manly smell lol). But that's it. If I don't use it (like the rare days I forget it), my armpits smell absolutely unbearable, my poor ex complained to me a few times lol, though she was very lovely about it.
No idea if using it makes it worse, it might, but I remember puberty when it started, it already had quite a bad smell, so I don't think it made worse, for me at least.

Not having 20/20 really hurts the ability to use peripherals, since my contacts aren't quite perfect and glasses have the dead space around them where you'd be observing peripherally

Yeah I use glasses, but I used to leave them at home when I had a pair I wasn't too fond of, this made my overall "peripherical" vision much better, because I was completely relying on not seeing things too clealy and mostly just feeling out those blurs lol (unless things were real close to me, I have myopia)

 

[TheEcho]

I'm currently testing putting nothing on my armpits and using an antibacterial soap+loofah. I noticed my normal body soap does NOT clear my armpits, even with loofah scrubbing. My ex also would complain about my smell, despite me taking the usual measures against it (normal wash + deodorant).

Also curious about the idea that natural scent is attractive (assuming you've removed the bacteria and their smells).


Hmm, my eyes are just bad enough to be useless for eye contact at a distance. Guess I just blindly assume everyone is checking me out?

 

[ulrich]

I would normally avoid working in coffee shops + sarging at the same time.

For me, these two require very different mind spaces and one of them (if not both) are going to end up suffering.

I also can’t flirt confidently if I have to be alert that my laptop isn’t stolen.

If you can manage, it might be a good idea but Id rather define which one is the priority before going out the door.
That way you won’t kick yourself for accomplishing one at the cost of the other.

 

[TheEcho]

Yeah, was noticing that strongly, also having a 15in screen vs ultrawide was way more problematic than I expected. The work is definitely the goal, though the couple outings had no attractive girls at any point. Felt a little pointless being out lol. Everything points to putting my head down on the work side and getting that sorted.

May also be what's killing my gym game, I'm actually murdering myself working out, so when it's time to approach, I'm shot and my headspace was just elsewhere. Though I slowed WAY down when moving around the gym, felt more eyes on me.

 

[Beck Bass]

Also curious about the idea that natural scent is attractive (assuming you've removed the bacteria and their smells).

Hmm, my eyes are just bad enough to be useless for eye contact at a distance. Guess I just blindly assume everyone is checking me out?

You could be right... About both lol

I'm actually murdering myself working out, so when it's time to approach, I'm shot and my headspace was just elsewhere.

Yeah, focusing on anything too much takes your focus out of socializing and seduction... It's a tough balance sometimes

 

[Conquistador]

So like what do you use for armpits? Mine seem to need consistent hard cleaning and deodorant to not go bad. Maybe the constant use has created a problematic cycle?

Armpits make a perfect home for flora unless you’re going to constantly bathe in disinfectant. But you can influence what your microbiome looks like.
I mostly use water, and all-in-one if I need it. I’ve been using the natural deodorant (no antiperspirant) for over a year and I have less issues if I forget to put it on. It lasts closer to 48 hours than Speed Stick ever did for me, and the stick also gets used up much less quickly (has to do with the physical texture of the bar I think).

I’d also recommend reading Clean: The New Science of Skin and the Beauty of Doing Less by James Hamblin.