How to compensate for acting like an idiot

[Pinochet]

It always seems to happen when you are least prepared.

Let me share a little vignette. I just came out of the grocery store, well-dressed but wet after being caught in the rain. While I was unlocking my bike, head down, someone parked a bike next to mine and started locking it up. When I raised my head I saw... a vision.

She was perhaps 6'4", blonde, medium-length hair and... I cannot describe her further. It would not do her justice. Seeing her smile, you seemed to hear a choir of angels.

In PUA terms she was a solid 10. I'm not sure I've actually seen a 10 in the flesh before.

I must have had my mouth hanging open or something because she giggled. "Is this all right?" she teased, indicating the bike?

I blathered something meaningless in response and she entered the store, turning back and giving me a smile.

I am not usually nervous with girls, I have done enough daytime approaches to get over approach anxiety on the whole. But I felt like I acted like a complete idiot in this case, and needed to redeem myself.

I put my bike away, as I live nearby, and came back. Soon she exited the store and I crossed the road and addressed her, looking up to meet her eye at least half a head above me.

"I was here earlier with the bike. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I was too shocked before to say anything."

She laughed and seemed not the least bit surprised. I introduced myself and shook her hand. I had really meant what I said. She thanked me and we parted; I wished her a good evening.

I was still shaking for another ten minutes after I got home.

 

[andersen09]

It always seems to happen when you are least prepared.

Let me share a little vignette. I just came out of the grocery store, well-dressed but wet after being caught in the rain. While I was unlocking my bike, head down, someone parked a bike next to mine and started locking it up. When I raised my head I saw... a vision.

She was perhaps 6'4", blonde, medium-length hair and... I cannot describe her further. It would not do her justice. Seeing her smile, you seemed to hear a choir of angels.

In PUA terms she was a solid 10. I'm not sure I've actually seen a 10 in the flesh before.

I must have had my mouth hanging open or something because she giggled. "Is this all right?" she teased, indicating the bike?

I blathered something meaningless in response and she entered the store, turning back and giving me a smile.

I am not usually nervous with girls, I have done enough daytime approaches to get over approach anxiety on the whole. But I felt like I acted like a complete idiot in this case, and needed to redeem myself.

I put my bike away, as I live nearby, and came back. Soon she exited the store and I crossed the road and addressed her, looking up to meet her eye at least half a head above me.

"I was here earlier with the bike. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I was too shocked before to say anything."

She laughed and seemed not the least bit surprised. I introduced myself and shook her hand. I had really meant what I said. She thanked me and we parted; I wished her a good evening.

I was still shaking for another ten minutes after I got home.

This happens when you run into a girl very unexpectedly.

1. Don't take it too seriously and laugh at yourself a little bit. You know those videos where they interview an old couple that's in their 80s and the interviewer asks them how they met?

Husband: "I just saw her and my jaw dropped when I saw her walking towards me"
Wife: "He just had this huge goofy grin when he saw me"

Just imagine how you'll laugh at your younger self 10 years from now on.

2. When you look like an idiot, all you can do is kind of laugh at yourself. For me, I used to be a professional ice skater in my country. And because of that when I used to skate, I became like the guy people moved out the way and just stare at in awe.

But I remember one day I just fell on my ass hard. Imagine like a solid basketball player, who you'd expect to never miss a dunk, missing a dunk and kind of being embarrassed.

Well, I fell on my ass, and HARD.I could've acted either one of two ways.

A. Get up and act like nothing happened while being shaken and try to make up for it by "showing off more of my skating skills" to compensate for my embarrassment, OR

B. Just fall on my ass and own it. I just fell on my ass and people looked to me for reaction for that mini second. And I started making a snow angel yelling WHO TRIPPED ME And people laughed with me and said "Well you fell with style!"

When you do something embarrassing, or something that makes you look like an idiot, people are looking to see how comfortable are with yourself, I.E, how confident are you under your own skin.

If you look shaken up, they'll perceive you as someone who needs external validation.
If you look comfortable looking like an idiot, as long as it's only once in awhile, they'll say he's so graceful/cool/etc.

And the more you encounter situations where something throws you off, the less of an impact it'll have on you.

With that in mind, the right external behaviors will flow out of you.

Cheers

 

[Pinochet]

Andersen,

I appreciate your response, thank you!

I wonder how many times a man has said the same thing to this lady. She looked totally unsurprised.

I couldn't ask her out - I felt utterly outclassed - but I just wanted her to know. The intimidating height really added to the overall effect: there was just SO MUCH of her, it was like staring up at a Queen.

Pinochet

 

[andersen09]

Andersen,

I appreciate your response, thank you!

I wonder how many times a man has said the same thing to this lady. She looked totally unsurprised.

I couldn't ask her out - I felt utterly outclassed - but I just wanted her to know. The intimidating height really added to the overall effect: there was just SO MUCH of her, it was like staring up at a Queen.

Pinochet

Yeah a girl like that knows she's hot, and is used to guys act like that if she's laughing. If it was something that happened to her for the first time, she'd be confused. But on the bright side, you'll also get used to this type of behavior, as you continue on your journey. And sooner or later, she too will be confused why you arn't starstruck like majority of men

 

[Fuck This]

Andersen hit it on the head above. Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself.


Let me turn the tables....

How do we, as Men of Quality, treat women who are obviously attracted but not up to our quality standards when we catch them looking?

Or when we are approached, how do we respond? Especially when you are in a venue where there are or could be females we do want to meet and escalate with?
I have the first part but the second is difficult for me.
Personally, I smile and thank them in a sincere tone. I engage them as I would another guy. Then go on my way.

 

[Pinochet]

You are right Fuck This and Andersen.

Actually I have noticed an odd thing... with super-élite women (above about a 9.5) whom I guess I wasn't encountering before, at least to talk to, I start to break down a bit, start blathering nonsense, shaking, can even break into tears if I see them in old movies etc. I came into the presence of one recently and was so out of my league I felt utterly lost. It was completely involuntary, I couldn't pull myself together even with a tremendous effort.

Very strange as I am not young or inexperienced, have had many satisfying relationships with high-value, great quality, non-trashy, beautiful women over the past 20 years (let's say 7 or 8s). Of course I went through a period of crazy, romantic love with them all, but never I think made that much of a fool of myself.

I think unless you have a superior social life, most people barely ever see someone like that so it's a shock when it happens... you don't actually realize it is possible to be that attractive, and you are caught completely unprepared for your own instinctive reaction. It is an actual physical thing, your head starts spinning and you are somewhat out of control of your body.

Pinochet

 

[Michal]

I would encourage you to be bold in these scenarios. Let's say big majority of guys freeze up and get nervous. I'd say that nervous people are unsure what to do and what the outcome could be, so they rarely act and do something bold. So if you tell her she is the most beatiful girl you have ever seen, I'd say that from perspective of congruence it makes sense to ask her out or get her contact info or something. Here is something very rare, you have an opportunity to do something and you also let her imcitely know that it is rare, so... will you take the chance? You have nothing to lose really. If you do a bold move, I am sure she would find it very congruent and girks like that. Whether she would agree to go out with you, that is a question mark.
Personally it took me 2 girls like that to realize I have nothing to lose and make a bold move on the 3rd. I think most guys have this story-telling part of brain in our mind that starts to come up with reasons why doing something like telling her what you told her would never work, or that she surely has a boyfriend, or that you are most likely not her type. Here, on GC, it is preached to shut down these voices and go talk to her regadless.

Anyways, I would sum up my message that it is key to recognize these situations, that you get nervous and freeze up and mentally hammer through anyways, get your eye on the ball and then you can deal with her in a "non-idiotic way"

 

[andersen09]

Most guys freeze up around what they haven't experienced before. Your head may say other wise, but your body knows the real truth.
It's like a guy going around saying "I can beat up anyone" but you put him against another fighter who isn't willing to back down, his body cowers in fear.
And the only solution really is to find out what it is that you think makes them superior to you to have your body be nervous. (In response to fear).

For me, I see myself acting this way around women that are
1. Surrounded by rich men that are really cool
2. Have education from Ivy League prestige/and have their own careers/smoking beauty

For me I get nervous around them just because of these reasons.

1. I'm not rich, so I think I can't make up for the experience other rich guys give her.
BUT that's not true. Yes the rich guys have a HIGHER probability of giving her an experience I can't give through MONEY, but they alot of the times, lack the character of an edgy guy who pushes boundaries and makes her feel on edge like a drug.


2. I get intimidated by Ivy League girls as well, they're in Ivy League. So unless if I have credibility or achievements that can face em head on, I'll always have that insecurity in back of my mind. I'll probably be able to shag her, but keeping her might be hard as long as that insecurity remains.

So basically, you just gotta figure out what you're afraid of about them, and spend time building that weakness into a strength. Not in a way where you tell yourself "I AM ENOUGH" but develop a solid confidence where it's backed up by results, achievements, and reality.