How to deal with being chosen over her friends?

[andersen09]

I'm just curious if anyone encountered this.
From what I understand, in the beginning phases, you're not her priority and won't be. I can start becoming her priority as time goes on and I get more investment from her, but until than it won't be the case.

So there's a girl that I've been talking to. She's 23 and is working to get her last few classes in before heading for a PhD Program.

I tried to get out once before to a play that I was going to which she agreed. At the last minute, she said she can't come because she forgot there was a family lunch that she had to go to. Which I said was fine, and I still went as, some of my friends were still there. And when I attended the show, I just showed her some pictures of the play and had a conversation with her to really show I didn't really care and at the same time I would've went regardless of if she came or not.

After that was our finals week and I told her we should definitely meet up after our schedule clears up, which she applied, 'I would like that "

Anyway, I ran into her today unexpectedly. I was coming out of my summer class, and she just arrived on campus. She immediately noticed me and started smiling and we just made a few small talk and catching up.

Me: What are you doing now?
Her: Oh, probably just getting food or something before class.
Me: Wanna come at with me?
Her: Sure, where do you want to go?
Me; Come on, let's go across the street.

But AS SOON AS I turned, her friends showed up and she got really excited. And as soon as that happened, she just looked at me and said.
Okay, Andersen, I'll just see you some other time, which I awkwardly kind of said okay went home because it was so unexpected.

With that being said, this is almost 2nd time where she kind of backed out last minute

A. I didn't like the fact that she all of the sudden just chose her friends after she was walking with me to go eat.
B. I just don't feel like pursuing anymore.

My question is

1. what would you have done in the situation where her friends came out of nowhere and she said "I'll see you another time"

She knows I'm not just around all the time to spend time with her, but she's treating me like it.
And I always think, if I was someone she didn't come across and I was a type of a guy that was rare, would she treat me like this?

2. What's the best move forward? I know I shouldn't be, but that actually offended me a little. (Of course I won't show it)
But I felt like she always sees her friends all the time, and as much as when she shows interest, when time comes forward, she seems to find something and back out.

I'm thinking of just ignoring and moving on. I could be persistent, but I don't really feel like it anymore.

Any thoughts?

 

[Bboy100]

Your ego is blinding you. Dude...like you recognized at the start...your still a random dude to her. She's slightly interested in you. But for the most part, she's gonna pick her friends over you. Hell, I do the same thing with girls. More often than not, if I have a thing with a friend, I'll cancel on a girl I might originally have had plans with (unless I'm super interested in her).

Such is life. Friends trump strangers.

So far, you've done almost nothing wrong (although some of your mindsets are a little wonky e.g. "I showed her pictures of a play to prove to her that I don't care if she was there or not"). Overall, you're doing fine. It's clear that this girl is at least a little interested in you. It might take a while, but its likely that she'll eventually find time for you.

The only caveat is that if this continues to happen (say 2 or 3 more times), then its likely that you've become an orbiter to her, or she's just too flaky to even commit to going out with you. In which case, I would move on.

But to answer your question...there's really no way to "deal" with it in such a way that she doesn't choose her friends over you (until you've reached a point wherein she's super interested in you. In which case you won't have to do anything. She'll just start choosing you over her friends on her own accord). So really...its just a matter of deciding weather or not this is worth pursuing to you. Like I said before, if I were you, I would give her a few more chances. Because its not clear to me that she's trying to be disrespectful or is uninterested as of yet. But ultimately, it up to how you feel about it.

 

[andersen09]

Your ego is blinding you. Dude...like you recognized at the start...your still a random dude to her. She's slightly interested in you. But for the most part, she's gonna pick her friends over you. Hell, I do the same thing with girls. More often than not, if I have a thing with a friend, I'll cancel on a girl I might originally have had plans with (unless I'm super interested in her).

"I showed her pictures of a play to prove to her that I don't care if she was there or not"). Overall, you're doing fine. It's clear that this girl is at least a little interested in you. It might take a while, but its likely that she'll eventually find time for you.

Haha, Yeah, I agree. It's all my ego.
I have an idealized view of who I'm striving towards, but when it comes to real life of who I am right now, my ego takes a hit.
Because in my idealized self, is to become someone that girls don't come across very often.
So my ego reacts with "WHO DOES THIS GIRL THINK SHE IS"
But as far as my behavior, I try to emulate the guy who is killing the game.

But to answer your question...there's really no way to "deal" with it in such a way that she doesn't choose her friends over you (until you've reached a point wherein she's super interested in you. In which case you won't have to do anything. She'll just start choosing you over her friends on her own accord). So really...its just a matter of deciding weather or not this is worth pursuing to you. Like I said before, if I were you, I would give her a few more chances. Because its not clear to me that she's trying to be disrespectful or is uninterested as of yet. But ultimately, it up to how you feel about it.

Yes I agree. Aside from my ego going, MAN FUCK THIS GIRL, SHE JUST CANT SEE YOU.
I let the ego do its thing but when I think about practicality it comes down to;

1. Building and presenting myself as someone that SHE values individually and striving to become who SHE DOES really become interested enough to ditch her friends.
2. Keep improving and let it go

Thank you man!