FR How to deal with naive girls?

[barneystin]

Just had a really weird experience and i’m writing this from my uber back home lol

My friends and I were out at this big bar in the city. There’s not a lot of girls that i’m interested besides this one asian girl that i saw upstairs but she was surrounded by friends and they didn’t seem approachable at the time.

I decide to walk downstairs underground to the bathroom and i realize the group from upstairs is in front of me. I use the bathroom and when I get out, I overheard one of the girls talking about how to approach this guy she found hot. I talk about the weird bathroom structure with one girl and since the other girl was still talking about the guy she liked, I told her I could offer some advice since I’m a guy. I gave her some basic girl game which the group really appreciated. On their way out upstairs, I stop the asian girl, ask her name and got her number. It all happened super fast since her friends wanted to go upstairs so I didn’t think it would go anywhere

i text her:
“(my name), from the bathroom ”

About 30 minutes, she responded. I tried to figure out day she was free so we could get a drink but our schedules didn’t align. I ask her if she was still hanging out with her friend and she said she left and that she wanted to get tacos. “Big green light!” i think, so i asked her to send me her location and met up with her.

Going in, I thought this would be a somewhat straightforward lay - i mean she’s asking me to hang out at 2am. There was also a decent amount of compliance beforehand - responding to texts quickly, sending me her location, etc

We meet up and she’s pretty receptive to me - laughing at my teases, asking me questions etc She offers me a cigarette and we smoke while talking. Here I actually got to know her while i had my hand around her waist. I ask her about her place since she mentioned being tired and she said she lived 5 minutes away (“it’s so going down!”, I think)

i say let’s talk while walking over there (thinking about it now, it was probably too early to attempt to pull). She gave some resistance about how she wants to sleep in her bed to which i say of course she will, and she responds with “well, i want to sleep in my bed alone”.

I’m thinking it’s normal token resistance especially since she’d been so compliant so I tell her “trust me, I prefer sleeping in my own bed” and we start walking to the direction of her place.

At this point, i’m guessing she needs more comfort so i’m trying to build that as much as I can with rapport and deep diving. I also try to pre-emptively get ahead of LMR by stating that we won’t have sex but she was so confused on why I brought that up.


We got to her place and she wouldn’t let me in - granted, my plausible deniability reasons weren’t the best -but still i got nothing. She kept saying she wanted to go to bed early but also that we could talk on a bench close by which didn’t make any sense so I thought the comfort wasn’t enough and decided to move her to the bench and build it up.

On the bench, we have a pretty long conversation about the future, living in the city, growing up and it turns out we’re pretty similar in a lot of ways - we see the world similarly and have very similar personality traits.
But there was no sexual vibe, it’s almost like she wanted me to hang out with her at 3am just so she had someone to talk to.

Even after doing a ton of deep diving, she still wouldn’t even hold hands. I shifted the conversation into dating to figure out what’s going on with her in that department and apparently she’d only ever had one boyfriend (which wasn’t even a real relationship according to her) and hasn’t dated in the city. She’s also super family-focused - one of her big goals is to start a family business with her future partner. These are great but none are helpful to my cause so I agree with her on certain things and try to reset better sexual frames with sex talk without being too obvious. But that falls flat because she just didn’t get it. She really was just super naive and had almost no sexual inclination in her.

But she was super down to keep connecting with me which was starting to get frustrating. After talking for about maybe 30-45 minutes, she reiterated she had to go to bed and I walked her home. I tried to at least give her a kiss goodbye to give the interaction some sexuality but she wouldn’t let me and we parted ways.

I’m not planning on following up with her because she’s seems like a time waster but for future references, just curious if anyone here has dealt with something like this? All the logistical signs were pointing towards a lay but the girl was devoid of any kind of sexual energy. Looking back, I definitely could have made the conversation more man-to-woman but i don’t get the feeling that would have helped with this girl.

 

[Rakehell]

Have to meet her where she’s at, while also keeping your center. You did everything correct up until the resistance as far as I can tell.

You started to lose frame when she wouldn’t let you in her apartment. At that point it would’ve been better to end it there with warmth, without letting her off the hook as far as seeing her again.

When you all went to the bench to chat and you deep dived her, addressing her comfort issue through more connection, you lost the frame more and pursued too much.

At that point you should’ve let some tension build and put some onus on her to keep things upbeat and going forward.

What she needed was comfort, but not so much the connection sort. What she needed to feel was that you were okay walking away without getting laid, that you were “safe”.

It doesn’t really come from connection, it has more to do with how you handle resistance, how butthurt you seem when she rebuffs, and how keen you are on “fixing” it, or persuading her.

During those times less is more and you have to compel her to come to you. Sleep with her by seeming like you can take or leave sleeping with her.

 

[Will_V]

Sounds to me like you had to set sexual frames early, like right away, so that you'd be walking back to her place with tension in the air. What makes her take the risk of letting you in is because she is feeling all hot and needs dick. But it seems she wasn't anywhere near that headspace yet.

Sounds like you could've also made her qualify herself more to you so that she's much more invested in pleasing you. You probably came across way too attainable and without a clear specific interest in her (other than wanting someone to sleep with).

If your sex talk fell flat, you maybe could've teased her, told her something like "don't be offended but I bet you've never had sex before" or whatever. If she says "yes I have" then it's a golden opportunity to go into good and bad sex. If she says "no I haven't" well you at least know a lot more about what you're dealing with.

When girls just don't seem to hook sexually it's better to be provocative and get a reaction rather than just sitting there preaching about sex and hoping she gets onboard at some point.

 

[Spike]

try to reset better sexual frames with sex talk without being too obvious. But that falls flat because she just didn’t get it.

When girls just don't seem to hook sexually it's better to be provocative and get a reaction rather than just sitting there preaching about sex and hoping she gets onboard at some point.

why when i talk about sex i don’t talk in metaphors

 

[Skills]

Just had a really weird experience and i’m writing this from my uber back home lol

My friends and I were out at this big bar in the city. There’s not a lot of girls that i’m interested besides this one asian girl that i saw upstairs but she was surrounded by friends and they didn’t seem approachable at the time.

I decide to walk downstairs underground to the bathroom and i realize the group from upstairs is in front of me. I use the bathroom and when I get out, I overheard one of the girls talking about how to approach this guy she found hot. I talk about the weird bathroom structure with one girl and since the other girl was still talking about the guy she liked, I told her I could offer some advice since I’m a guy. I gave her some basic girl game which the group really appreciated. On their way out upstairs, I stop the asian girl, ask her name and got her number. It all happened super fast since her friends wanted to go upstairs so I didn’t think it would go anywhere

i text her:
“(my name), from the bathroom ”

About 30 minutes, she responded. I tried to figure out day she was free so we could get a drink but our schedules didn’t align. I ask her if she was still hanging out with her friend and she said she left and that she wanted to get tacos. “Big green light!” i think, so i asked her to send me her location and met up with her.

Going in, I thought this would be a somewhat straightforward lay - i mean she’s asking me to hang out at 2am. There was also a decent amount of compliance beforehand - responding to texts quickly, sending me her location, etc

We meet up and she’s pretty receptive to me - laughing at my teases, asking me questions etc She offers me a cigarette and we smoke while talking. Here I actually got to know her while i had my hand around her waist. I ask her about her place since she mentioned being tired and she said she lived 5 minutes away (“it’s so going down!”, I think)

i say let’s talk while walking over there (thinking about it now, it was probably too early to attempt to pull). She gave some resistance about how she wants to sleep in her bed to which i say of course she will, and she responds with “well, i want to sleep in my bed alone”.

I’m thinking it’s normal token resistance especially since she’d been so compliant so I tell her “trust me, I prefer sleeping in my own bed” and we start walking to the direction of her place.

At this point, i’m guessing she needs more comfort so i’m trying to build that as much as I can with rapport and deep diving. I also try to pre-emptively get ahead of LMR by stating that we won’t have sex but she was so confused on why I brought that up.


We got to her place and she wouldn’t let me in - granted, my plausible deniability reasons weren’t the best -but still i got nothing. She kept saying she wanted to go to bed early but also that we could talk on a bench close by which didn’t make any sense so I thought the comfort wasn’t enough and decided to move her to the bench and build it up.

On the bench, we have a pretty long conversation about the future, living in the city, growing up and it turns out we’re pretty similar in a lot of ways - we see the world similarly and have very similar personality traits.
But there was no sexual vibe, it’s almost like she wanted me to hang out with her at 3am just so she had someone to talk to.

Even after doing a ton of deep diving, she still wouldn’t even hold hands. I shifted the conversation into dating to figure out what’s going on with her in that department and apparently she’d only ever had one boyfriend (which wasn’t even a real relationship according to her) and hasn’t dated in the city. She’s also super family-focused - one of her big goals is to start a family business with her future partner. These are great but none are helpful to my cause so I agree with her on certain things and try to reset better sexual frames with sex talk without being too obvious. But that falls flat because she just didn’t get it. She really was just super naive and had almost no sexual inclination in her.

But she was super down to keep connecting with me which was starting to get frustrating. After talking for about maybe 30-45 minutes, she reiterated she had to go to bed and I walked her home. I tried to at least give her a kiss goodbye to give the interaction some sexuality but she wouldn’t let me and we parted ways.

I’m not planning on following up with her because she’s seems like a time waster but for future references, just curious if anyone here has dealt with something like this? All the logistical signs were pointing towards a lay but the girl was devoid of any kind of sexual energy. Looking back, I definitely could have made the conversation more man-to-woman but i don’t get the feeling that would have helped with this girl.

she was not ready to go at point of extraction, you incorrectly assume she was down...... Then you were working on negative compliance, and a major mistake that actually gave her asd "we won't have sex" which is the line women in the world actually use when they want sex, and she knows it...

She is not naive, you did not do the job... Naiveness have 0 to do with dick in pussy.... most gen z women are "naive"..

keep in contact with her, not need to abort the lead...